Happy news! Woo hoo!
My tax refund was deposited into my account today. What does this have to do with stepparenting, you might ask? Well, it has everything to do with the official blending of our family in fact.
This tax refund will finance the lawyer we are retaining to finalize the divorce from his ex, after 4 long years of her refusing to close it and us sitting idly by, completely impotent to her power because we could never afford a lawyer to give her the smackdown.
This tax refund means that BM can't keep calling my fiance "her husband", making me out to be some floozy fling. It means that she will no longer be "technically correct" when she says they're married. She will no longer be able to manipulate the situation to her favor.
This tax refund means that we can finally send a very clear message to BM and SD that their marriage is over, he is not going back, and I am here to stay. BM will no longer be able to spin tales of "Daddy might come back to us, we're not even officially divorced" to SD. She won't be able to say that I'm not family, that I'm not the SM, because of a technicality.
Best of all, this tax refund means that I will finally be able to marry the father of my children, the love of my life, and make our family whole.
I can already hear the wedding bells ringing!
- Caitlin's blog
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Comments
So happy for you.
No one should be able to legally stop someone else from moving on in life.
The day my BF's divorce was finalized, I e-mailed my whole family saying. "I'm no longer sleeping with a married man!!!!!!."
Good news Caitlin!
Thanks!
Too funny! I think I may use that one.
And you're right - no one should be able to legally stop someone else from moving on in life. That's why we've just patiently plodded along as though we're married. He moved on with me long ago and even though we haven't been able to afford a lawyer to finalize the divorce until now, we still planned our family, bought our home, and behaved as any committed couple would, with or without a marriage license. That's something she couldn't take away, no matter how hard she tried.
So I guess in the end, she really wasn't able to stop him from moving on - even though he has still been "legally bound" to her, he has been successful in moving on in life in every other way. But oh won't it feel good to finally not be sleeping with a married man?!
You are so cute..
I hope that she will finally get over it.. and let you guys move on with your life and family and come to grips with reality.
Happy hugs coming your way..
You have high hopes!
You have high hopes, happy!
I don't think she'll actually get over it - at least not in the near future. I don't think she'll let us move on with our life and family. I don't think she will ever ever ever come to grips with reality. But at least she won't have her "legally married" claws in him any more.
I don't know if it's her mental illness or a terrible upbringing in which she was never taught to take responsibility for herself, but she will always blame others for her problems, she will always try to bring others down to build herself up, and she will always think that she is the victim and everyone else is out to get her.
I am realistic about all of this. It's going to get a whole hell of a lot harder before (if?) it gets better. She is going to fight us tooth and nail, she is going to continue to alienate her kid from us, she is never going to accept me as her daughter's family and guess what? Everything will all be our fault because she can do no wrong.
I am actually a bit fearful about the proverbial shit hitting the fan because I think that the finalization of the divorce may really set her off. But instead of wasting time and energy worrying, I am choosing to celebrate. I celebrate our pending marriage, our love for each other and for our kids. I celebrate our life together.
I want to say one thing
to you.. You are a very strong and courageous girl. For all the stuff you have went thru, are going thru and will go thru. I tip my hat to you. You are a strong person.
I know happy hopes.. Well the saddest thing is that she will grow old lonely because she will not let go and move on. And let me tell you aging is not something you can stop it happens.
I think its awesome for you all. Your BF is probably so ready to be done with it. Its actually surprising that after her he still likes woman.. LOL kidding..
Smile and have a wonderful evening..
You're the best!
First, thank you so much for those lovely compliments. I can't take full credit though, you know. I must say I am with a very strong and courageous man, so together we build each other up and help each other out. For as much as we go through with BM, I really do feel fortunate because my fiance and I are so - I don't know - connected. I am so happy with him! My heart aches for all the ladies on here who don't have the undying support of their husbands when dealing with rough stepfamily issues. I realize that I really don't have it so bad!
Second, you CRACK me up! Sometimes you are so spot on it scares me! When you said it's surprising that after her he still likes women, I almost peed my pants laughing because when I met him he was on a "10-year vow of celibacy" (which lasted about a year and a half, by the way.) Seriously though, he had sworn off women because he had been so badly burned and just vowed to himself not to get involved with anyone and just focus on raising his daughter the best he could in a non-custodial situation. We were friends for a year before anything romantic happened between us, and he said after the fact that all along he wanted to pursue something with me so badly, but he didn't want to drag me into a life with a lunatic ex. In the end, we couldn't fight it and here we are now. Darn him! He had to be so loveable! Now I'm stuck dealing with his lunatic ex!
Wow.. That is pretty cool
That I can make you almost pee your pants.. No I am kidding. I know sometimes I can come up with things and then go back and read it and start laughing myself.
That is me. I LOVE to make people laugh. Its my number one thing to do in a day is make someone smile. Besides a comedian can you get paid to make people smile. I want to start a site where people come for laughs when they are down..
LOL..
I am always here for you Caitlyn. I wish you and your BF so much love and happiness in your future. I wish you both the strength to continue on dealing with his ex for the rest of your lives. Well atleast till the SD is 18. One thing always remember why you fell in love with him first. It will help you thru some of the worst times I promise.
He held out for a long time..
Oh I know what I was going to say. These men of ours which my ex that I deal with is actually nice and doesn't cause to many problems because its me who is usually bothered by things.. But it makes you wonder what the hell, were these woman Cinderella at one time and just turned into the wicked witch over night. Its just funny. That all these BM have there kids and they are evil.. Scary woman.
Ok just thought I would throw that in there..
Your BF sounds awesome.
All my wishes
Happy
Well, don't get too cocky...
...because I think I almost pee my pants about 10 times a day, being that I'm 4 1/2 months pregnant!
Seriously, laughter is the best medicine and everyone who meets my fiance is saying "you are so funny!!!" within about 30 seconds. Everyone says that we must laugh a lot at our house and it's so true! We laugh like little kids and it certainly keeps us from getting down for too long when things are bad with BM.
As far as Cinderella turning into the wicked witch, I have asked my fiance about that. I ask him if it was ever good with her and he doesn't have much of a response. He can't remember anything good. I ask him what attracted him to her in the first place and he just says that she was very pushy and pursued him ruthlessly until he gave in. Wow, sounds ROMANTIC doesn't it?
My theory is that she hit 40 and realized she wasn't a spring chicken anymore and was desperate to find a sperm donor to give her a kid before it was too late. Then, when she got her kid, she didn't want to have to actually coparent with the father - she wanted to run the show, so she ran him off.
Anyway, thanks for being there. I love coming here to share and laugh and make the most of things. I also really appreciate the advice when I don't know what the hell to do. All my best to you and yours! Thank you!
Congratulations
Congratulations Caitlin...
What a happy post!
I wish you much joy and peace and happiness too!!
joy and peace and happiness
May we all have joy and peace and happiness in our lives! Thank you!
he's at the lawyer's now!
I'm so excited I could just squeal! eeeeeeeeee! (That's me squealing!)
I can't wait to hear how the initial consultation goes. He's there now and I'm dying to know what the lawyer says!
Tee hee!
Fearless, I can always count on you to give me a great visual from a plain old computer screen!
I feel like a bunch of little school girls jumping up and down squealing and giggling! Thanks for making me feel 20 years younger!
Well, well,
What did he say? I like hearing your news today and all the funny posts.
Much better that my shit pie.
Well, what did he say?
Jo
Shit pie...
...goes down much better when you slather it with whipped cream. Trust me on this one.
I can't wait to tell you what he said but I don't know yet. Aaaaaaargh!
Wonderful
That's wonderful Caitlin. I am so HAPPY for you. You'll be able to move forward with your lives a little more easily now.
thank you!
We are wasting no time in moving forward with our lives!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
I'm so happy for you Caitlin! Woo Hoo!!!!!!!! So glad bf isn't wasting his time! Already at the lawyers' office. Great!
Wishing you and your family the absolute best!
Candice
BF is wasting no time
BF is wasting no time because I lit a flame under his ass!
Great!
That is such great news! Keep us posted!!
Dawn
Oh this is just comical
Well, he got there 5 minutes before his appointment and no one was there. He waited 25 minutes and then left a note for the lawyer and went back to the office confused as to how he could make an appointment for an hour later and have no one there to see him.
He called the law office when he got back to his desk and it turns out they moved offices up the street! Big fat dirty bummer! He made another appointment for noon tomorrow.
They forgot to update the address on their website. (This worries me slightly, but hopefully they will redeem themselves. They do come highly recommended.)
Same boat
Caitlin, I am so happy for you and I can relate to your situation because we are waiting for the divorce judgement and I can be free from the technicality of being with a 'married man'. These women are so messed up and selfish. When they had their husbands, they were not good enough for them, they go searching for greener pastures and expect the husbands to sit and be used like door mats. Sorry all devious women out there, when you have a good man, you better act like you know coz you really know when you have a good man. Otherwise when the men have enough of your BS and move on, don't come running claiming them like they are a piece of property. Caitlin, you are now on your way, BM's is going to get uglier but be strong as you have been. CHEERS
GREAT NEWS, CAITLIN!
I'm so happy for you guys! I can't think of anyone who deserves it more!
~ Anne ~
Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice: Pull down your pants and slide on the ice! -M*A*S*H (Sidney Freedman to the OR staff on dealing with stress)
AWESOME!
Aw Caitlin! I'm so happy for you and BF! And I was reading everyone else's posts before mine - you really have a lot of love and support from folks on this board! Can't wait to hear the outcome and let me know if you need any advice on the wedding planning!
Glad to hear it...
Keep us posted!
Man has the intelligence to change his life,
Sometimes, he just fails to use it...
been there.
And I'm soooo excited for you! We waited like... 40 years for my bf to get his done. It finally went through 4 days before Christmas, so I know the anticipation you're feeling. It sucks to have kids with a married man and somehow feel that he's not really 'Yours' you know? I hope the divorce goes through quickly, and tell them to send bm's copies with a big red stamp on them that says 'bout fuckin time'.
Fantastic!
I have a big smile on my face after reading your news.
Congrats! Your post is a ray of sunshine.
Thanks everybody!
Here's a little update - ok, a long update. My fiance met with the lawyers today for an hour and they expect worse case scenario for this to take another 6 months to close. I'm a little disappointed by that, but it's better than NEVER! (Which was the rate we were going for several years.)
The lawyers suspect that BM is refusing to close because of her Alimony Pendente Lite (APL) payments. Once the divorce is over, APL is over! No more alimony will be such (SUCH!) a financial relief. I am sceptical though because I believe she can apply for permanent alimony since she is permanently mentally disabled (bipolar, doc says she can't work). I wish I had been at the meeting to ask this question because if it is remotely possible, she and her lawyer will find a way to make it happen.
Here's how the lawyers expect things to pan out. First, they will file to move the praecipe, which is fancy legal jargon for closing the damn divorce! Then, BM's lawyer will respond with an attempt to get a property settlement. They don't own any property, but they do have some hefty debt. For a little background, my fiance was unemployed for a while after September 11th and they borrowed a considerable sum from BM's father. When they split, BM's father made my fiance sign some paper saying he was 100% liable for paying the money back, so that his precious daughter wouldn't be held responsible for her irresponsible spending habits. Anyway, our lawyers will argue that the loan was a marital gift. Both BM and my fiance were recipients of said gift and they will split liability 50/50. I'm not even sure why the lawyers are so gung ho about splitting the liability because my fiance is filing for bankruptcy anyway. All the paperwork is complete, he hasn't sent it in yet only because we wanted to talk to a lawyer first. I'm wondering if he should just accept 100% liability of their marital debt and then file for bankruptcy. A) we would get the divorce finalized a lot faster and
it would cost us a lot less in legal fees. Again, I wish I had been at the meeting to ask about this.
That about sums it up. They estimate that this will cost $2000-2500. Maybe they're just insisting on the property settlement to make as much money off of us as they can. Maybe realistically it will cost half that if we don't argue to split the debt. Why would we fight for that when it doesn't matter at all? We need to save our legal funds for when we need to fight for custody! Come to think of it - we need to get a permanent custody order because the temporary one we have sucks! It leaves WAY too much "for discussion" and as we all know, this BM does not discuss things with us! E V E R Y T H I N G needs to be spelled out in black and white. I wonder why the subject of the custody order didn't come up in the meeting today. I want to ask if we should wait on that part until the Family Based Therapy makes a custody recommendation. Oh, I wish I had been there to ask all these questions!