Christmas Gifts
I am curious as to how other families do this and how to handle a little dilema I am having over bio mom's gift from kids.
Before me DH & EX each took boys to pick out a gift for one another for xmas & birthdays. This year for mothers day we took boys & had their pictures taken & bought frames & a card for their mother. She did nothing for DH for BD or fathersday. ( all in May/June) Her BD was in October & kids were asking about getting mom a gift. He asked her what she wanted him to do..take them shopping or was her BF going to do it. She said she didn't need anything & not to worry.
So xmas comes about & DH asks Also suggesting that we would have her over to our house to do exchange ( last year he had her over for dinner & did it...we were not married so I was not there as I lived 45 minuets away) She says not to worry if she wants something from them she will have BF take them shopping. BF has three kids( two different moms) lives 11/2 hrs away & is closing on a house & only sees my ss's maybe once a month when he has all three of his own children. My thought was when does this poor guy have time to take the boys shopping.
Last night DH & Ex had school confernces so SS had dinner with us & hang out & helped me bake. ( they peeled apples on my apple peeler & had a blast)At dinner we were talikng about xmas & they asked what we were getting mommy. DH explained that their mom said that BF would take them. My oldest SS got this look like WHAT. After DH left I took him aside & told him that BF is pretty busy with everything going on & that if he was not able to take them I would. That mom is a good mom & works hard & she deserves a nice gift. SS grinned & told me thanks I was the best.
So here is my dilema...do I just wait till the week before xmas & if they have not gone shopping just take them or do I say something to biomom about the conversation.
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I think since..
You all have a very good relationship that I think each of us wish in some way we had.. That you should just take them shopping.. If she gets two nice gifts from her boys that is great.. I think its really awesome that you have this relationship with your husbands ex..
Tell me how you do this? Please...
Sounds like there is a great
Sounds like there is a great relationship there. How wonderful for the kids and for all of you!
In our case, we would ask SD what she wanted us to do. Did she want us to help her buy a present? Did she already have it covered? If she did, we would take her out & do it. If not, we figured it was between her & her mom & there wasn't anything we could do about it.
I think that, since the boys want you to help them out, then you should do it. When/if BM's BF offers to take them out shopping, they can explain that they've already taken care of it. If he wants to compensate you for what you spent, that's great. If he wants you to take them & get something else, that's great, too.
I can kind of understand how BM feels in your case. If someone asked me "Do you want me to buy you a gift", I think that I would politely say "No, but that's sweet of you to offer". Then, let the kids know that their love for me (and showing gratitude) is gift enough
Since she's also remarried,
Since she's also remarried, her husband (stepdad) takes the kids to get gifts for her and I (stepmom) take the kids to get gifts for their dad. Before I married my husband, he didn't get gifts from the kids for anything and probably still wouldn't, if I didn't take care of it. Being that she left him for someone else, there's always been a boyfriend/husband to take care of the kids getting her gifts.
~ Anne ~
The great relationship is
more on my side than hers. She is a very good & responsible mom & the boys love her very much.
I think her stance on the gift stems more from not wanting to spend her money on my DH on behalf of the kids. ( She is extreemly cheap ) Ironically she makes almost twice what he does before the chid support. She get $750 a month plus we pay for medical & 1/3 of morning day care for before school. Incidentally she has the option to work later so they would not have to go there before school. DH works at 5:30 am so he can pick them up after school which gives him time with them & saves money. DH has also paid for 1/2 of the extra cariculars she signs them up for w/o asking which is not in the decree.
That said everything I do I do because it is the right thing & it makes the kids feel like they still have a family, just two homes. I think she is a good person basically...there probably is a lot of hurt that is hard to get over. I don't think that it can be easy to see your former spouse as in love as DH is with me.
Well Sweething..
Because of your story on the x-mas gift buying this year.. I decided that I needed to for sure find out what my sk mom was going to be buying the kids because I would hate to duplicate some of the more expensive things.. So I called her and the conversation was actually quite pleasant.. SD wants PlayStation 2 and an iPod.. So of course I get on line and figure out prices and stuff. So I told her that we would purchase the playstation 2 and that I did find iPods for like $80 at walmart.. So she will purchase the iPod.. I also aske d her what she thought about buying the SS things for an apartment? She agreed with me that silverware, dishes, pans and the stuff you need is a great idea.. We did not really get into any specifics but it was pleasant.. I also said thanks and told her to have a nice day..
I know in past post I said I can't stand her .. and part of me can't but the other part of me because my ex's GF and I get along pretty good would like to get along with there mom.. If she would step down and include me in things instead of trying to ignore the fact that I am there.. I think we would get along just fine.. She cannot stand the fact that my hubby has moved on.. So I just want to say thank you.. I took the high road to try to talk to the ex and be nice.. It worked..
So Thanks..
Are you on close enought terms to talk to HER about it?
Sounds like you maybe. Sounds like you already have, what with the inference she has said not to worry about it. In all likelyhood she really isn't worried about it; but, does she know the kids are worried about it?
Has anyone talked to her BF about it or are we all assuming he will take them shopping?
One way to handle this dilemna is the same way we would handle it with our blood relations - and believe me, we all know that no one gets along with all of their family. Raise the topic with them as to, "What are we doing about gifts this year?"