SD is someone I do not recognize

My Sd (14) has turn into someone I do not know. I have found blogs that she has written that prove she is manipulating both families. She has begged us to move back here and then after we see the attorney she said, "I changed my mind." We are being played for a foul. At her last visit she asked to stay at her grandma's house. She kissed us goodbye and went. Then a 180 happened. She called her dad and said she never wants to come back. No reason just! The grandmother encouraged this. Now today I see on a blog she posted to her friend 3 days before the episode at the grandmothers, "I get to stay at the lake all summer." SHE HAD THIS PLANNED! Do we play stupid or call her on it? Another blog stated that my dad said I can't get my lip piereced. We need to get a plan together to get my mom to day yes. This is not the same kid I knew nor the kid that wanted so despretly to live here full time. IS this teenage crap or is my SD just turning into a manipulating little shi**?

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Warning Don't Fall Game to SD's Manipulative Games

Hi Kay,
I can see you are very new. Wow! You need to go back and read my blogs about my SD. She did all of this stuff your SD is doing now and then some!!!!! Your best bet is to turn your back on it. Otherwise, you'll have nothing but an astronomical attorney bill. My husband and I played out this game with my SD a few years ago. Right now, I am trying to re-assemble my life. The latest on her blog, since she was so angry that she got caught doing some stuff was she posted on her blog that I was a sexual predator and cyberstalker. Needless to say, this cost more attorney fees on our end to get something done about her. She is now 17 1/2 and a very bitter, angry, self-destructive young woman. The difference between the person who encouraged the behavior with my SD was it was the biomom as well. Your SD is exhibiting rebellious teenage manipulative behavior combined the narcissistic behavior. It's a really lousy situation. I don't want to see you experience any of the heartache and expenses that my husband and I have gone through. Had I known then, (over ten years ago) what I know now, I may have made many different choices. We are finally down to the single digits left on child support payments, and honestly my husband and I can't wait to walk away from this problem. My SD is an absolutely nightmare and terror, rolled into one. I have most recently received physical death threats from her and her friends as well. There isn't much you can do about the blogs because of the constitutional rights, and freedom of speech. I can tell you, if the blog is posted in Xanga, I am more than happy to pass along the information to get her site shut down, b/c as a parent that can be done. But if it is posted on www.myspace.com, you have to prove your SD is a cyberbully, which is difficult, because she can go back, edit and delete the entries. Myspace.com is in the midst of quite of few lawsuits, and our attorney dealt directly with getting the inflammatory comments off. I don't know if you have any kind of cooperation with the biomom--I'd suspect SD is playing both sides--that is how my SD does it all the time. She is a real drama queen. Reading the blogs will only make you angrier, but I can understand what would drive you to read it to find out what is going on. In fact, my attorney even suggested continuing to keep looking to see if my SD tried to open accounts under new names. It's a vicious cycle in which there isn't much you can do, but take away every privilige she has....other than threaten and follow up to detain her and place her in a juvenile facility because you can't control her.
Normally, the state would have to hold on to her until her hearing comes up which would be at least 30 days. By the way, I know so much because, I was am admin asst in a children's shelter and know my way around the system. I don't believe that your SD would like the accommodations too well.....is this something that just started over the summer? Just know that you do have options and your SD is not going to call the shots unless you let her.
Let me know how things are going or if you need anything. I'll be watching for your posts.
Regards,
Sweetie

Thanks..

I recently got married this past weekend of the 29th of July. And that was absolutely wonderful. I have two children of my own 7 and 9 and two step children. SS is 21 and SD is 15. And my feelings have been hurt by her more then once. My husband and I have been together for 3 years now. We met 15 years ago one time in a wedding and got together 3 years ago. He is the man of my dreams. my chance at happiness. I am very down to earth but yet at the same time I can see through things. her mom left her dad after almost 20 years of being together and her mom wanted him back right after we got together and I am pretty sure that is still true today. Anyways. the SD went and told her mom how she did not want to be part of the wedding and the mother called the dad and told him how she was worried about that and wanted to know why. to me just seem like she just wanted to dig. anyways like he told her well why does she come here and tell us how she wants to move in here full time. To be honest with you I am not sure how I would handle that beings that the reason or a lot of the reason she does not like me is I set rules and I make her actually pick up after herself and help me around the house. And the computer time which for one is in our bedroom and the telephone I get mad when the phone rings at 11 or later. I think that is crazy. I actually in my defense want to say honestly that my kids clean and have the very same rules if not more. They do way more then his children. I feel like I get no respect except for when she wants something or wants to drive my vehicle or wants me to buy her something or needs money ect. I am not sure how to handle this.
After the wedding on Saturday I got on myspace because I have 3 friends on there. Well she was on the buddy list anyways I like to kinda check to make sure that she is not doing anything she shouldn't be doing and well there it was she was yelling at her BF because he was not there for her and after all he knew that she did not want us getting married. We only had our kids in the wedding. So his kids were BM and MH and mine were the FG and RB.. but what I hate is number 1 I am angry because she makes me feel like a fool but 2 I could have had someone else up there who wanted to be. I do not like the lying back and forth. Honesty to me is the best policy. i have taught my kids a great deal about respect I feel and I feel I deserve respect from SD and SS.. The SS and I have had our rounds as well but we seem to work them out. The SD just wants to cause problems with the whole situation. Her mom calls or was calling at least every day about something.
My question to you is what do I do. I know that she already knows that I see that she is not so INNOCENT anymore. I have been honest enough about that with her. When she gets in trouble for something at school and says its not my fault I always say are you sure you did nothing wrong. But there again I play that way with the children I actually gave birth too. I can tell you one thing I will not let it ruin my marriage to her father. Because we are suppose to be together. Just a feeling of you know when it is right.
Let me know what you think.. Sorry for rambling..

All to familiar

WOW. Sounds like we are in very similar homes. I almost fell off my chair when you said the SD was your maid of Honor. So was mine. I honestly don't know what to do. I am in the same box. It is hard when a 2 & 4 year old can clear their own plates but the 11 and 14 year old SK's can't. You are so right when you said it isn't going to ruin your marrage. I can't tell you how close we have gotton so many times. I am forced to sit back and remind my self that at some point they will be old enough and off doing their own thing. Then you know the saying you reap what you sew. The sad thing is I can tell by your letter, you are alot like me in saying that even if they fall on their face you will be right there to pick them up. Even on our worst days with the SK's, we still look out for their best interest and don't want them to get hurt. Get a few life lessons, yes, but no hurt.

By the way congrats on the big day. I am sure it was wonderful.

WOW

Thank you for posting your comment. Yes I honestly love her and don't want to give up. But you get to that point of ok when do I have to quit giving so much. But I guess I am the older one here. My kids are the same, they have to do way more house hold chores. My daughter asked me last night why the SD dad lets her do whatever she wants and does not do any discipline? I could not even answer her. She says that his kids do not have to do anything and they do. I explain to her all the time that even though it seems unfair that I make her and her brother do so much to help out that someday they will appreciate it. That when you get older you learn to appreciate things more. Like someday she will know how to keep a house clean. She also said that he SS is rude and mean to her own friends and says that sometimes she is not mean as in physical but just real crabby and tells her what to do. So my response was if I teach you anything do not let her walk all over you. You are your own person and need to stand up for yourself. My daughter just hugs me and says that she loves me. I always tease her and tell her that when she hits 14 she will not like me anymore. But I really cannot see that happening. I am very open with her. She always says that there is no way she will be like her SS. I think my SD is really upset with her parents for divorcing. And who else to blame = me. Which is ok. I had absolutely nothing to do with it. Just for the record though. As long as I know in my heart that my children are learning respect and honesty I think I am doing good. The one thing I learned form myself is that kids are not as innocent as you seem to think and I know my kids are guilty of things now and I never hush that up I call them out on the carpet to come clean. SD always acts like she is very innocent and the parents seem to think she is. I think that is another reason why she has such a problem with me. Because I see through her. An instance at the reception a friends GS who is like 9 got SD and a friend wet and the SD called him a MF.. Well the friend went off on her and the SD came to me to tell me and she said I did not do anything. I pretty much in not so many words said I did not believe her. I do believe her on certain things but in every instance she has in her life "I didn't do anything" That will not last when she is an adult.
Well Lets keep in contact at least I have someone to vent to that is in the SAME situation.
Thanks
C

You are on the money

You are so right in many avenues. I called the SD on Monday because I knew her freshman pictures were this Friday. I simply reminded her that pictures last forever and to make the right impressions in regards to her hair, cloths and most importantly that makeup. She laughed when we were talking but according to her bio who called my husband the next day, she was offended by what I said. The reality of it is that I would have said that to any girl her age. Stop allowing people to look at you as a sexual being. Force them to look at you mind. I thought I was getting through to her the last couple of years but all my efforts in that area have gone out the window since she hit 14.

My little ones so look up to their siblings when they are here but they to question the fact of why do they have to do the work. They are not old enough to verbalize that feeling but the occasional temper tantrum speaks for itself. Heck if a 4 year old can bring down the dirty cloths and clean up her floor I am confident an 11 & 14 year old should know how to. There I go assuming again!!

same person?

Are you the same person who replied and stated she just got married? Both were anonymouse.

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