Background

2005:
I am the father to an 11yr old son. Split from bio-man when he was 3. I have 50/50 contact with my bio-son for 6 years.

Bio-mum embarks on a 2 yr court battle (circa 2012) to remove my son from the UK to Europe.

I contest and spend £16,000 to try and prevent this. During this time, bio-mum attempts to alienate my bio-son from me. I show him through love/action that I'm not who she makes me out to be. As a result of this, my bio-son says and does things that are our of character to me. I read articles and books and recognise this for what it is, i.e. just repeating mums words and understand that I should not criticise mum or berate him which I don't.

2014:
I run out of money and she "wins" her court case and my son is removed from the UK (2014). I have limited time to spend with my bio-son before he moves to Europe with biomum.

I meet a new lady that has a 4yr old bio son from previous relationship during this transitional phase. In the interests of transparency and several months in, I let her know what was going on. We started to spend a little time together as a family group. Things are fine. The removal to Europe occurs - end of 2014.

I don't hear from my bio-son for months which is very distressing. Eventually, when I do bio-mum controls the interactions. We establish some form of contact over text/skype/online gaming.

2015:
12 months later (2015) - I move in with my new partner. We start to live as a family. Understandably, step-son (then aged 4/5) is difficult with me for many months, cold and argumentative a lot of the time. I remain patient, despite constant tears through the night and all of the difficult behaviour.

I get myself into a position where I can start to fly to Europe regularly (every 4/5 weeks) as my ex is showing no signs of ever bringing my bio-son back to the UK. My now fiance is not happy with this. My bio-son is ecstatic when he sees me in Europe for the first time and mentions a few times about coming over to the UK.

Throughout this year, my fiance starts to really resent me spend 4/5 nights a month over in Europe and doesn't like me talking to my son on the console I get to maintain communication with him through the week. She starts to resent his messages when I read them in her company. I try my best to balance everything and compromise and go out 1 day less on alternate months. I continue to try and make efforts with step son but he's hard to engage. Fiance accuses me of having "more energy" with my bio than my step son and generally making less effort with step son. I tell her he needs to meet me half way and not ignore me etc. Things start to improve.

2016:
Fiance becomes my wife. Ex brings my bio son back to the UK which is a surprise. I am ecstatic. My now wife starts to avoid my bio-son and makes other plans when he is here. My bio son notices this. I try to smooth it over and also talk with her. I am given at the time what I thought were reasonable answers from her.

We have a baby. The trips to Europe are causing arguments. My wife now admits that she has never liked my bio-son. I am shocked and try to explain that she only saw him at a few bad points and that he's not a bad kid. The absence of any of his pictures in our "home" now make sense. She used to make excuses about this, my cheap picture frames, the living room wasnt a "shrine" for kids photos etc.

I express to her that she shouldn't have got married/had my baby if this is how she has felt for years. She tells me "well you must have knew". I told her "no, I thought we were just taking time to gel as a family".

She then tells me that when my bio son comes over from Europe, she will go away on holiday or make other plans. I advise that I don't think avoidance is the answer but do recognise that we all need 1-1 time with out bio kids but at the same time also need to do things together otherwise my eldest bio-son will feel excluded.

During arguments about this she has now thrown me out the house and created toxic situations. Just this boxing day I was about to pick my bio-son from my ex,60 minutes before this she causes another argument and slating my bio-son. I had no choice but to stay in a hotel with him for a few nights and let him open his xmas gifts in the hotel with me. The environment was right for him. I believe I acted in his best interests.

After being thrown out and pushed out by her I've wasted hundreds of pounds on hotel fees and she is now talking about separating etc and doesn't want me in "her house" anymore. My eldest bio is now worrying I am splitting from her and will he get to know his baby brother.

I am at my wits end with all of this and finding it really difficult now to keep the family dynamic together. I understand it must be hard for her but there are now 3 children to think about and she has thrown us both out before and I promised my bio that I'd never let us be put into this position again.

Any help or advice is much appreciated.