Your money is your money. You get to leave it to whomever you wish.

I have two SDs. If I die first they get nothing. If DH dies first one SD will get 1/2 of whatever is left of our joint holdings. (My bio kids get the other half.) The other one is specifically written out of my will.

SD will not be getting a lot from either of us. Most of our finances are separate and only our current home is joint. DH's individual financial holdings are very small, and as we age growing smaller.

Not unreasonable at all. People reap what the sow. So.... let PITA SS reap the non-rewards of his lack of effort and toxicity towards you.

I would leave your wife 50%, good SS 25%, and as a parting message leave the rest to a charity that PITA SS would never support … in his name! }:) Or, leave PITA SS 25% in trust with some very specific hurdles to clear before he gets a dime. Talk to your attorney to make sure you are not setting up a default situation where he gets it without clearing the hurdles you require.

Your DW can distribute her estate as she sees fit if she predeceases you.

Our Will (it is joint) names each other as the sole heir and beneficiary of the other and in the event of our joint demise it all goes into trust for SS-23 (I adopted him last year at his request) until he either completes a Bachelor’s degree from a regionally accredited college or university or turns 40yo whichever comes first. Our way of parenting from beyond the grave.

My brother confronted our parents on their estate distribution/Will because of the way their estate was to be distributed to direct descendants. He has 3 kids, I have zero bio-spawn. He and his kids would get 80% of our parents’ estate and my baby bro did not think that was fair to me. Mom and dad listened to him and revised their will leaving it all 50/50 to my brother and me. I actually had no issue with the first iteration of the will but the new configuration works too. I hope my parents bounce the last check they write and slide into the curb at the pearly gates with the tires and engine smoking and with a big grin on their faces. }:)

it's your money-leave it to whomever you want.
3yrs ago we lost my grandmother-BM to 7 children 6 stepkids.
She left a healthy provision for them all excluding her eldest son.
yep she left some money for her stepkids but excluded her own kid.
(ok we're talking about adults ranging from their late 30s to late 50s)
so if you wish to leave something for the good child and exclude the bad child
go ahead.
they're not your bio children-you owe neither NOTHING.
but it is certainly generous of you to include the good son.
or perhaps you could give the good son his part before you die.
I would suggest to do so anonymously however something tells me that won't work for you.

I'm not sure if these are the only kids in this situation.

Usually, people leave the majority of their assets to their surviving spouse. The spouse can then distribute as their will dictates. In that scenario, expect your wife to treat her kids equally. If you have BIO kids, there is a big risk that she would exclude them.

If you are already planning on leaving your wife well off and this is a decision regarding "excess" estate, you are free to do as you like.

Keep in mind that leaving siblings unequal bequeaths can cause rifts between them. That is probably what your wife is concerned about.

A bigger problem usually exists where a parent remarries and then dies "first" and the surviving spouse ends up only giving assets to their kids leaving the first parent's children out in the cold. That is part of the reason why a lot of kids get worried when their parents remarry. It happened with my dad. His stepmom recently died (at 99) and he was left nothing despite the fact that she died with tons of money. (she lived in the same building as oprah in Chicago).

You have the final say on you leave it to, but not on who actually ends up with it. If the bothers are close, chances are the one you like will share it with the other. That's exactly what would happen with my sister and me.

Yeah, my line of inheritance is currently to my sister and some to DP.
We're updating our wills this summer since we'll be married.

I'm going to have DP as my prime, then my sister, then my niece.

I'll likely leave a little something to SDs, but it'll not be much. That's up to DP and BM to take responsibility for, not me.

You would be a fool to leave money to the other SS.

I have no children. My DH (who is almost a decade younger than I am) has one son and one grandchild. I have a trust set up so that NOTHING will pass to the worthless POS SS30 or his spawn.

My DH is pissed. His dad is dying so everyone knows what's on the will. It's all fair based on what each child has "earned" no complaints except from his daughter but she does nothing but asks for money. I've never seen her at a family function and we all live within 30 minutes of each other. However it says if all 3 of his sons die then the inheritance all goes to his daughter. DH is all mad because it doesn't say anything about the grandkids. Well for starters: our daughter is 2. His other two kids are 12 and 15. They don't visit him and call him by his first name sooooo really can you blame grandpa? 3rdly it doesn't matter because you aren't going to die before your dad. I think the idea of having to split everything equal is ridiculous. You reap what you sow! DH and his two brothers get mostly everything because they do everything for their dad. One brothers wife bathes him, wipes his butt and much more. The will isn't based off grandpa's feelings now. He has had it for years with minimal changes due to what people have shown him thru the years.

My DH is pissed. His dad is dying so everyone knows what's on the will. It's all fair based on what each child has "earned" no complaints except from his daughter but she does nothing but asks for money. I've never seen her at a family function and we all live within 30 minutes of each other. However it says if all 3 of his sons die then the inheritance all goes to his daughter. DH is all mad because it doesn't say anything about the grandkids. Well for starters: our daughter is 2. His other two kids are 12 and 15. They don't visit him and call him by his first name sooooo really can you blame grandpa? 3rdly it doesn't matter because you aren't going to die before your dad. I think the idea of having to split everything equal is ridiculous. You reap what you sow! DH and his two brothers get mostly everything because they do everything for their dad. One brothers wife bathes him, wipes his butt and much more. The will isn't based off grandpa's feelings now. He has had it for years with minimal changes due to what people have shown him thru the years.

Don't allow your wife's emotional blackmail to sway you. Never reward bad behavior! She should have dealt with her son's mistreatment of you. No one is entitled to anything in this world, and certainly no brat is entitled to the proceeds of your hard work. I offer two scenarios for your consideration:

I have no children, and my husband and I are estranged from both of his adult daughters. They have mistreated us and exploited us for per$onal gain, therefore they will not receive a penny of our estate. My DH feels very strongly about this, and I agree.

I have an older brother who is a wastrel. He is a vicious dry drunk who won't work and blames the world for his problems. He lived off our mother, extending a temporary stay to over 15 years. When mom passed, he was shocked to discover he had been left nothing. He tormented her in life, but she got the last laugh.

I share this with you to illustrate the point that it's your life, your estate, and you should do with it exactly as you please. And don't be surprised if your bratty SS suddenly wants to patch things up with you. Your wife will no doubt warn him of you intention to cut him out.

Wow, we have such a similar situation. Expect mine are SD's. One from hell who treats me exactly as your SS from hell treats you, and the other I have a good relationship with

If I chose to leave something to the good one I would, and if I didn't feel like leaving anything to the rotten one I wouldn't

And I would hope the rotten one would get the message loud and clear, that ya, what you reap is what you sow!

My only advice is it would make a huge statement to that SS, who I'm sure would never forgive you which would be fine, but if your wife wouldn't forgive you are you okay with that?

Years ago my DH's SIL made mention that she assumed all of my savings and interest in the house I owned would be going to SD who has treated me like dog doo from the beginning of our marriage. I informed SIL that I would rather give it to charity than to SD. This pushed me to make sure it DID go to charity.

One thing to think about however: My Mother has always favored my sisters over me and I strongly suspect I will get nothing if she dies. I'm OK with that. But for a VERY long time it seems like with every other breath my Mother has brought up the 'inheritance'. She uses it like blackmail. If someone doesn't cater to her wishes as she thinks they should she will say, "They'll get nothing from me when I die." So I am wondering why you are even discussing it with DW? You have a right to do what you want with your money. Just take it off of the discussion table.

Spend it all now! Isn't there somewhere you've always wanted to travel, or something you've always wanted to do?

What is the meaning of life? To work hard, die and leave your hard earned $$$ to people who are glad you're gone?

Always follow your heart. Leave whatever you have to those you love and respect, regardless of any relatives who don't deserve your thoughts.

Hi,
I have done as much as I could to keep my assets from going to the SD with financial planning and a lawyer. Husband is understanding about the situation and my feelings. However, we still have her inheriting the (still not paid off) house. But everything else has been taken off the table. I feel that when a husband and wife leave everything to each other, the one who dies first loses. As husband and wife, building a life together and combining assets, this becomes a difficult fix.

I have not promised my husband I would be good to her if he went first. I do feel that when someone won't meet you even half way in these situations, for years, why should they get money? I received money from deceased people in my life, but I always loved them and treated them with respect. I was sad they died, which wouldn't be the case with my SD!

When my father died, he left his land to my half brother, and my sister and I were left with nothing. So I DO know how it feels to be out in the cold, but I still am not feeling I need to reward bad behavior and disrespect. I say, as others have, go with your heart. If it is your wife's favorite son, too bad. She should understand your feelings.

Hello first timer here. I have been remarried for 6 years. Husband just got his dad’s inheritance. He wants to set up will. Me getting house and 100K life insurance and leaving remaining trust to his bio son and daughter now 15 and twins. I have a bio son 23 and bio daughter 26. I am sad he thinks his skids will just be taken care of by what I have left. I don’t know how to talk to him without getting him mad. I understand it is his money but I have done a lot to help with family since bio isn’t really in the picture. I love my kids just as much as he loves his. Please help with advice.

I suggest you get your husband to talk to an attorney about estate planning and go together.  I am betting that you both have some retirement savings, as well as the house, the stated life insurance, and the inheritance from his dad.   All of this needs to be addressed in the planning.  It is not so simple as dividing up the stuff that he has today.  What if your husband becomes ill and uses all the inheritance on his medical care while he is alive?  Or needs long term care?  Would he be happy with the division he has planned if that happens?  You get the house and insurance and his kids get nothing?  What if he dropped dead 5 minuts after he signs the will and his kids are just 15 years old?  Are they prepared for that kind of money?  Who would administer it?  What if then you sold the house and left just the proceeds to your children and left his out?  

My bet is that the attorney will suggest a trust instead of a will as it is a much more flexible and dynamic instrument.  It would allow for changes over time and circumstances.  There might also be state laws regarding assets that your attorney will address with your husband.  It is also harder for your husband to tell an attorney that he wants an unfair distribution of assets.  

The real issue is that your husband does not see your children as part of the family.  His family is his kids and you.   I suggest you address this issue separate from the money.

Good Luck - you are going to need it.  

Like someone said, why expect any inheritance at all from your step parent?  If they WANT to give you something, that is nice, but there should be no expectation.  Pls don't allow your wife's emotional blackmail to sway your decision.  Personally, I wouldn't discuss your will with her any more if she is going to put that on you. 

First off, get an attorney and make it a Trust, not a Will. A Will may be contested in court; a Trust cannot. It's a minor change - makes ALL THE DIFFERENCE if you have a lousy crum-bum who might contest it OR if you have a wife who has a meltdown over your wishes.

NEXT... you make the Trust divide your assets how YOU want. My biokids are 100% loyal to their mom and my daughter is especially ignoring me, so at this point, I don't have them in any of my wishes. Harsh? It's their choice, as set by their mom.

As for my SKids, they are largely indifferent about me, which I chalk up to the "Step Divide," where their wishes for a dad who isn't a dip are real and there - they are keeping me at arm's length till their dad stops being a dip.

At this point, I'd include my SKids in my Trust, as much as my son, but my daughter would get NOTHING. Well, maybe I'd give her $500. Or $50. Maybe a $5 gift card to McDonald's.

You do what you want, what you think is right. You could give the ons SKid something, but then in your Trust, state that the other gets it in installments or must spend it on a home or whatever. Or $50. But do it in a Trust!

Holy THREAD RESURRECTION, Batman! I hate when this happens.