I agree with Echo.
Who cares if you are the bad guy, you get to have rules and sanity in your home. I also agree with beating him to the punch and telling SD that Daddy said No.

Hopefully he won't contradict you in front of SD and say wait, I now say yes!
If he does you will have a whole new bag of problems.

And this is just the beginning of throwing you under the bus. My ball less wonder did it constantly to me with his ex, his kids and his family. Hope this doesn't become a pattern for you

My husband sometimes puts me in a similar position because he doesn't want to be the one to say "no" to SD8. I try to be disengaged for the most part, but if something affects me, our DD3 or our household in general, then I speak up. If SD does something that has an impact on me, I'll tell my husband about it and ask him to correct it. He often doesn't want to because he doesn't want to be the mean parent, so he tells me to deal with it.

I used to care about how SD felt and I used to worry about what she would tell BM or GBM about me, but I really don't care anymore. I'm perfectly fine if SD thinks I'm "mean" and runs to BM about it. I know I'm not doing anything wrong by telling the children in my house how to behave.

If I were you, I wouldn't worry about being the parent who always says "no" or has to enforce the rules in the house. You are an adult in your home which means that you get to make the decisions.

I remember the scapegoating bull$hit my XH pulled on me. }:) I like what Echo suggests. Put it back on him.

If you are the nice (good) SM, it won't work; you are going to be the bad guy, no matter. If I were you, I would say "NO" to the third dog and anything else that gives you more work.

Your SD6 is getting old enough to begin doing a few supervised household chores. I found that making a list of chores, (dumping trash, helping with your dogs, cleaning up after herself, loading the dishwasher with "her" dirty dishes, etc.) that fit your SD's age, and posting them for her to do, with "good job reward's" works very well. That would definitely include cleaning up after herself, beginning NOW. I would put DH in charge of the supervising, when he is home, you can assist as well; but most of it, I would put on DH.

You can reward her with gold stars beside the task on the list; when she earns ????number of stars, there is another reward for her (makes you the good guy). Vary the chores and rewards; therefore, it never gets into a rut. You will find it keeps her busy and she will begin learning at this early age.

You need to learn to delegate to DH and SD in a fun way for them, thus relieving you of the small chores and the stress these two are causing you. It won't get well, unless you begin something; this is just a suggestion. I call it "a method to your madness".

Keep us posted.

My DH has done similar things with his girls and me. To be honest, on the one hand, the reason why he might say "I need to talk about it with ESMOD" is because he hasn't decided and wants my input. On the other hand, when he goes back to them with a "no" it generally means that they have a chance to think that I was the one who said no.

He is also a big one for "we will see" which almost always means "no" but he doesn't get directly to that point. In some cases it means "yes".

When the girls asked me things directly, I tried to be very honest by saying "I am not sure that is going to work, but we will look into it".

I would rather not raise their hopes. I know their dad wasn't trying to throw me under the bus, but sometimes that is what happened.

The more you write the more it sounds like your SO didn't want a relationship he wanted a maid, cook and nanny with the added option of sex when he wanted it.

I think you really need to reassess your relationship with this man (and any others) as from what you have written HE getting everything he wants and you are getting to do all the crappy bits and none of the good bits.

Why do you accept such low standard in relationships