Transparency
I am beyond fed up with my DH and how much he has changed since his precious spawn, S14, has decided to waltz back in his life after almost 3 years of blowing DH off, lying to his face and over the phone saying he will come on his next visits yet never did, always excuses via phone/text as to why he didn't want to come over etc.
Long story short; after some family drama caused by the ex-wife's daughter DH called out BM on a few things that her daughter alleged against BM about her not getting skid winter clothes (this drama occured in Jan) and that she and her new H are abusive towards skid etc BM and DH talked over the phone and she portrayed herself as MOTY of course and DH talked to skid and confirmed these allegations weren't true and then MAGICALLY skid wants to start coming on his visits after almost 3 years of not wanting to see DH AFTER skid got in trouble at school in April 2013! Hmmmm...am I the only one who doesn't think THAT is suspicious?
Since skid has been back in the picture, during the first visit, I was essentially ignored and when DH did talk to me it was brief and he was an ass. When he came into our bedroom after skid was asleep he just went to bed, spent no time with me or talking to me.
DH's cell phone is now officially attached to him, he doesnt let it out of his sight, and when he texts with skid his body is facing away from me, he is very shady, secretive and I know he lies and hides things skid/bm related from me since this all happened. Two times thus far his kid has "conveniently" called him while I am not in the vacinity even tho it was mere seconds/minutes of me leaving the area and when I do come in the room he is very quiet on the phone with him and basically finishes up the convo and if he calls and I am around DH doesn't answer the phone. On my DH's way to work he and skid talk on the phone pretty much daily, and they text daily as well. I have voiced my feelings several times over this treatment towards me as well as the shadiness, being secretive and him not being forthcoming about anything skid/bm related and how much I have been back-burnered bc his kid is now back in the picture. He claims he has nothing to hide and has shown me several texts between him and skid BUT yet I cannot shake these constant feelings that I can't trust him one bit now that skid is back. I just don't trust DH or skid one bit, I know that skid is a manipulative liar, and now that DH has his precious kid back he doesn't give a crap about anything but that kid and me, the one who has been by his side thru all the drama and bullshit with his kid and ex, work, his knee injury and all that happened with that mess etc none of that apparently matters bc skid is back and wants his daddyyyyy in his life.
I don't like or trust skid. I have been around him enough over the years to see he is nothing but a lying, manipulative, selfish trouble maker with a shitty attitude. I am not saying that DH can't or shouldn't have a relationship with his kid BUT as his wife I would like to know what is going on! I don't need to know every sordid detail but I feel that I have a right to know the following:
1) If skid asks for money or DH gives skid money
2) If skid asks to come over above the EOWE schedule (I expect my DH to consult me FIRST before he makes any plans outside that schedule)
I want to know these things bc they affect ME and OUR life!
How much transparency do you ask for/expect from your SO regarding skid/bm? What do you feel you have a "right" to know? Does your SO act like the above and if so how do you deal with it?
I know the SDs schedule if it
I know the SDs schedule if it falls outside the parenting plan. Sometimes it's a little last-minute, but at least DP informs me so I know what to expect. Sometimes if it's voluntary he'll ask me if it's ok. I don't think I've ever said No (unless we have vacation plans together).
I am also there when the plans for summers are laid out so all the adults know about what to expect.
I know DP texts with SD12 fairly often, and he does chat on the phone with her sometimes, but I don't care. Unless we are watching a movie or doing something together. Then ANYONE doing that to me would be considered rude.
He'll let me know when school events are, and invite me if he knows it won't interfere with my work schedule.
He can provide the SDs clothing and the basics without asking me. But I'm the one who usually arranges this and pays for it with his CC so it's really not an issue. If he wants to go bigger, like getting SD10 a Kindle for Xmas he'll talk with me first. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I don't but at least he hears me out.
We've already been broaching the topic of college regarding SD12 so I'm fully aware of that, and of SD12 driving by 16, and dating, and all of that...
He's tried to hide stuff, like SD12 not locking the front door/"losing" her keys, but I always, always find out about it. Usually it's stuff he knows I'll be PO'd about. But then it's worse if he hides it so it's better now.
I don't know if I could stand the level of secrecy your DH has - it's not livable or reconcilable if he doesn't want to talk about it with you.
My DH knows that I do not
My DH knows that I do not like or trust his kid, he has been respectful and understanding of this all along but that in my opinion does not give him the go-ahead to EVER hide things from me about anything skid/bm related, we are married, there is nothing that he shouldn't tell me about that aspect of his life just bc it might or will piss me off, like you said, you always find out and finding out as opposed to just being told by your SO is a recipe for disaster!
In my mind, the more secretive he is and all of the changed behavior he has exhibited only makes me resent DH and skid MORE! All I want is TRANSPARENCY...just tell me things, don't act like you are doing something bad/wrong...I have told him before that he is acting like he is having an affair! I know my DH isn't cheating but after this kid came back in the picture he definitely changed and NOT for the better...I am soo fed up with the way this kids presence has changed my DH!!! :sick:
Well, I'm kind of controlling
Well, I'm kind of controlling so I feel I have the right to know everything.
SD24 did stop her visitation for awhile when she was 15, then picked it back up again and DH just went on as normal. He didn't gush all over her or ignore me.
If your gut says something is going on, it probably is. Maybe he feels he needs to be all buddy buddy with his son so he will keep coming over? It's not right, if he's bonding with son by creating a divide within your relationship.
Hahaha I am the controlling
Hahaha I am the controlling type too, I like to know and need to be in the loop of what is going on with anything that can/does affect me on any level. I do NOT like surprises or finding out things that I should have been told about in the first place n matter how small or big!
If my DH truly has nothing to hide persay then why is him telling me things such a hardship and why would he get so defensive...just be OPEN & HONEST WITH ME that is all I ask, don't act like your relationship and communication with skid is a mattter of friggin National security!!! If I ask "Did he ask you for money" just TELL ME!!! If I ask "Did he ask to come over more" or something like that JUST TELL ME!!! It is a simple yes or no answer...if DH says YES then I want to know more details! I just do not understand how "hard" this is for men to grasp, all the arguments etc that could be avoided with SIMPLE HONESTY...tell your wife!!! If you don't and she finds out your goose is truly cooked...smh!!!
I agree that DH needs to be
I agree that DH needs to be there for SD when she needs him and if that means more visits than in the current agreement that is fine. You should be informed of course so that you can plan YOUR life. Sure emergencies happen, but not every day all the time.
As far as the money goes, If you handle your finances in a joint fashion then you both get to make decisions over major expenses.
I'm not talking about him slipping the kid a 20 for spending money, I'm talking about major outlays. I mean, he should be comfortable making minor purchases/spends on things for himself or his daughter with out clearing every candy bar snack machine run through you. Of course, the caveat here is that I don't know your financial situation and if 20 bucks is a make or break amount then he shouldn't be spending that without agreement.
Maybe a separation of finances would be in order if it is going to keep you up at night
That is what I want...I want
That is what I want...I want to know BEFORE he just assumes its ok and makes plans, I think that is basic common courtesy for any partner to do! I get that he wants to see his kid and vice versa but the world does not revolve around just them, there are other people and plans etc involved here too so I am asking that my DH be mindful and respectful of that fact and just run things by me FIRST so I/we can plan our lives etc accordingly. I do not feel like that is too much to ask.
You need a couple of voice
You need a couple of voice activated recorders - one for home and one for the car.
Something really fishy is going on here. It sounds like way more than just the skid. Sounds like he's seeing someone else on the side. Hopefully not - but better to know than to not know.
I honestly do not get the
I honestly do not get the "cheating" feeling at all...he has been acting like this specifically since skid came back around...I get the bad feelings due to the secretive bs that skid/dh constantly have w eachother...I do NOT trust my DH and skid together at all!!!
It does sound pretty sketchy
It does sound pretty sketchy - a question...I'm curious what you think, in your gut, MIGHT be going on?
My "feelings" didn't start up
My "feelings" didn't start up until his communication with skid started, and my nerves and gut feelings have been pretty much non stop since then.
My DHs kid is a sneaky, manipulative, phony liar...my GUT tells me that he is using my DH and playing him bc who the fuck CHOOSES to blow off their dad for almost 3 years after he was CONSISTENTLY coming on visits and my DH was 100% involved in his life and then consistently lying to my DHs face and making excuses not to see/spend time w him etc then ALL OF A SUDDEN does a 180 and wants to come on visits and is up my DHs ass daily calling him and texting him etc w texts (ones I have seen) that look like they could have been sent by some creeper ex gf that is still in love with him, all mushy, lovey dovey and totally ass kissing...everything about this kid and his new found desire to be back in DHs life just REEKS of shadiness...I do not trust him one bit and bc of this sudden interest in coming on visits and spending time w DH I have been non stop bundle of nerves with my intuition calling BS on everything that goes on w skid and DH.
1. Separate finances 2. Have
1. Separate finances
2. Have a come to Jesus meeting with him about talking to you first before making plans (and not "I have to talk to Tasha first" but saying "Let me check my schedule" or something like that)
Then, if he STILL plans things without you talking to him first, make sure to invite your relatives over without consulting HIM first.
1)DH and I do have seperate
1)DH and I do have seperate finances, we each pay our own personal bills and we each pay certain household bills, the only thing that is "joint" is my name on HIS checking account. I told him that we are married, and I told him that I consider our money one bc we would both help eachother out with a bill etc if necessary/possible so if skid is looking for a handout from DH I want to know about it, I told DH he is not an ATM machine for that kid. His BM gets CS every week and that kid has everything he needs and wants, wayyy more than most kids I assure you! There is no reason why he needs to give skid money "just bc" he asks for it.
2) When skid asked for more time (the one time I do know about thru investigating and then DH admitted to only AFTER I mentioned something that triggered him to tell me that) my DH told skid that he was on call that Saturday and on Sunday he had plans with me already, so I was thankful for that but I honestly don't know if there was no on call or plans for us if he would have consulted w me first or not.
I agree with how you put that
...don't throw your wife under the bus so to speak...as it should be! It is just basic common courtesy and respect for your partner to not make any plans without their prior knowledge and seeing what is going on first.
My DH and my dad HATE eachother so I will just pay my dad to come over and make him miserable for a few minutes hahahaha
Anything that impacts your
Anything that impacts your finances and home needs to be discussed.
I couldnt agree MORE!!!
I couldnt agree MORE!!!
I agree...SPOT ON!!!
I agree...SPOT ON!!!
My soon to be ex DH was like
My soon to be ex DH was like this with SD30. I also felt like he was having an affair. All phone calls were on the sly, after I went to bed, during events he would "go to the bathroom", also on his way to and from work. Secrets were kept from me and worst of all, large sums of money went to her (and her sister) even though he swore to me he was not giving them money. We are now seperated, with divorce papers filed, because the truth came out (as it always does).
I gave him multiple chances to tell me the truth and come clean. He did not. I told him what would happen and it did.
I hope it works out better for you. Have you considered marriage counseling?
WOW!!! That is awful I
WOW!!! That is awful
I seriously can't get over how these men are with their friggin kids! I'm sure we all can agree that we understand that our men need to financially support their children, (from birth to the end of HS in my personal opinion) and they need to parent/discipline/etc their kids BUT the line needs to be drawn and never crossed when it comes to just handing the kids money, being secretive and lying to an SO, putting the skids every want and whim ahead of a spouse, making plans without consulting your SO etc. THOSE things are totally UNacceptable!
How is a marriage ever supposed to work when everything with these kids is secrets and lies?! And people wonder WHY soo many SPs are sooo resentful, bitter and have hatred for/towards skids? I understand that it is the SO that is the main problem BUT if the skids/bm weren't in the picture these issues wouldnt exist correct?! There ya have it!!!
I have my own bank
I have my own bank accts...the only joint acct we have is DH's checking acct (he added me), my money NEVER goes in that acct, only his paychecks etc I have my own checking/savings acct
Trust and believe there is no way in HELL I would put my money in any acct that BM could get record of or that money for the brat could be coming out of...no freaking wayyy!!!
I soo hope so! They are doing their nauseating daddy/son crap...hugs, kisses, I love you's, lovey dovey text messages blah blah blah to the extreme it makes me want to hurl!!! :sick: I cannot wait for the honeymoon to be OVER and the true colors to come out like I have been trying to warn my DH about but of course they want to think only the best of their brats...he tells me he doesn't entirely trust skid and he is watching his back for the most part and that he won't be played etc. I am doing my best to make sure of that! }:)
The first several visits I did my own thing and avoided skid like the plague bc I want nothing to do with him and all of the bs he brings into our lives by existing but this past weekend I decided to spend Sunday with them, I didnt do anything with skid but I had a nice time with my DH, he paid alot of attention to me and we had a nice time. Plus I was able to keep an eye on everything, making sure skid didnt try to manipulate DH into buying him shit etc I also made sure that skid used the money he brought with him for the shit he wanted when we went to the flea market. My DH pays plenty for that kids wants/needs, he is lacking and wanting for nothing and I am not letting him get anything out of my DH, the money he gets after he pays for skid is OUR money in my book! Not spending money for his every whim! Not on my watch slob!!!
Went through this exact same
Went through this exact same thing. And we are soon separating. I too am controlling but I've learned it stems from the anxiety I have over my dh hiding things from me all these years. I've begged, pleaded, cried, snuck around. Nothing has ever gotten through to him. It's caused major trust issues with us. The bottom line is that dh will ALWAYS bail his kids out because he will feel like a bad father if he doesn't. Doesn't matter how I feel or what it will do to the peace and finances in our home. He will agree with me and then do exactly what he wants. He cares about his privacy and ability to spoil/rescue adult skid much more than building trust with me. It's taken me 9 years to finally understand and accept this. I'm done. At the absolute very least you and he needs counseling. You may never get through to him without it. And if he is a liar in other areas of his life, even counseling isn't going to work.
I can defintiely be a control
I can defintiely be a control freak too, I don't want some kid coming into our home/lives thinking that he can run/control/use my DH and disrupt our lives and plans. Ain't happening!
I have major anxiety too, I HATE knowing/feeling that something is not right all the time and the feeling that DH lies/hides shit from me bc of that friggin kid just burns my fucking ass!!! There is NO REASON OR EXCUSE for our SOs not telling us what goes on with their kids/bm bc it AFFECTS US TOO...just bc we aren't their parent doesn't mean we don't have a right to know what is being said and done between them! The foundation of marriage is supposed to be trust, so I'm told, sooo if that is the case then how are we supposed to trust our SOs when they lie and hide all of this shit from us?! Seems impossible!
I am currently trying to work things out with my DH, we talked alot over the weekend bc I was ready to say "fuck it" and give him the boot over this horse shit! But as of right now we are doing well, I am hoping for the best but also keeping my wits about me that things can always go south at any time. My DH and I are both on the same page that we want to be together for life BUT I told him point blank that OUR MARRIAGE and ME STAYING IS ALL ON HIM AND HOW HE CHOOSES TO HANDLE the skid/bm shit (and of course if he cheated)...if he hides things, lies etc then he can go fuck off. Life is wayyy to short for skid/bm bullshit...there is plenty of KIDLESS d*** out there to be had! LMAO
My dh and i had the same
My dh and i had the same "agreements". However as soon as I'd barely begin getting comfortable I'd catch him in another lie and back to square one again. However, my dh is a narcissist and lies in other areas of his life. I've heard him lying to someone on the phone and call him on it. Probably one of the reasons for the secret phone calls. I finally realized he's never going to change. I've told dh the exact same things you have about our future being all on him. And I admit he did make half hearted attempts. But now he can't take my controlling behaviors and we've agreed he's moving out. I know I'm better off. Just knowing he's leaving is a huge weight off my shoulders. I also must admit that it's very hurtful how he's turned this on me and how he paints me to be the bad guy. I CAN'T WAIT till his criminal son turns on him. And I'm very thankful that it won't affect my life one bit. Is your dh basically an honest person?
My DH for the most part is an
My DH for the most part is an honest person, I have trust issues in general so I am not very trusting of anyone but I really didn't have major trust issues with him that make me feel the way that I do now that his kid popped back in the picture.
I really despise his kid and the fact that he is back in our lives and all the bullshit that comes along with his presence, I wish I had the strength that you have to just pull the plug and walk away but I am at the point where part of me is telling me that I will regret it bc I want to be with him etc and the other part of me is saying it is so not worth the constant anxiety, the feeling like skid is above you, and the feeling of being lied to and secrets being kept from you etc not to mention I don't want to be saddled with a mortgage I can't pay and all the hassles of having to sell my home etc and the fact that if I leave I will have to move back in with my parents bc I can't afford to live on my own with my son.
Is there a chance he is being
Is there a chance he is being more secretive (not saying it is right) because you dispose his kid and he doesn't want to deal with your disgust?
I can understand that
I can understand that mindset, I am not trying to dismiss the thought process behind what he is doing but he is not making the wisest decision where our marriage is concerned in my opinion bc if he wants me to loosen up and trust him etc how can I when I see nothing but shadiness and secrets surrounding this whole situation? It just makes me resent/despise skid even more as well as lose what little trust etc I have for DH.
I am happy that my DH is happy, I want him to BE happy but I just hate that his happiness has to do with something that subsequently makes me UNhappy and miserable and intrudes on our lives/marriage. Know what I mean?
I do think transparency will help bc the opposite of that is CLEARLY NOT working out...of course anything that has to do with him pisses me off for many reasons and probably always will BUT if I am made to feel INCLUDED as opposed to being made to feel like he is hiding things from me that is going to do way more damage bc right now how things are make me feel like my DH is basically having an affair!
I am just having a VERY hard time adjusting to a total 180 in my life...a 180 for the worst..I feel hopeless, helpless and like I will never have happiness with my DH as long as he is in the picture...
I have no doubt in my mind
I have no doubt in my mind that he does that for that reason or that is at least part of the reason. But as you said, it is not right, hence the issues at hand.
My DH is well aware of my intense dislike for his kid, he has known for a long time, before we even got married, it has never been a secret, I am a "wear my heart on my sleeve" type of person, esp when it comes to skid bc I hate and resent all things skid related.
I think it's great that you
I think it's great that you have been so open about your feelings. I have no clue why he married you when you feel that way. I couldn't be with someone who hates my kid. I wonder if he thinks you were part of he estrangement (not saying you were). I sense he wants peace from your open unhappiness. How would you feel if he bitched about your kid all the time?
I hope things work out for you guys.
It didnt start out that way,
It didnt start out that way, in the beginning DH, myself, my son and his kid would all hang out together, I gave him a chance and soon saw what a whiney, bratty, jerk he was and the day that he gave me attitude for simply asking if he was OK bc he was pouting in the back seat of Dh's truck bc he didnt get something at GameStop was the last straw for me. From that point on I told DH I wanted nothing to do with skid visits and I never did after that incident, so skid had DH all to himself for awhile and then when something went down where skid got in trouble at school and BM got DH involved right after that he stopped coming on visits (DH and I kept a skid visit log for several years). So from April 2013 until Jan 2016 skid didn't give a shit about DH or coming on visits etc. Then an incident occured involving his oldest sister and BM then magically skid wants back in and he has been kissing ass and trying to manipulate DH ever since... :sick:
DH doesn't blame me for the visits ending. I never said or did anything to skid during the time I was aroung him and DH knows this. I'm sure if I cussed skid out or abused him then of course DH would have ditched me but he knows that I am blameless on that one.
Unless he had a good reason to bitch about my son then I wouldn't want to hear it lol. I feel that I have good reason to bitch bc I can see him for who/what he is and I don't want him coming in between us and our marriage and running our lives. I do not trust that manipulative troll and I will try my hardest to make sure DH doesn't get hoodwinked either.
I agree, I need help in that
I agree, I need help in that area, I have been trying to talk to DH about skid and skid related things with a better tone and try to cut down on the wise cracks, digs and complaints...and it is HARD as hell lol.
I don't want to know bc I care about him or anything along those lines, I want to know bc it affects ME/US...for example, if he gives skid money or makes plans without talking to me FIRST those things affect MY/OUR lives. I know they talk/text daily...as much as I hate that they communicate in general, I am more concerned that DH is being skids personal ATM or revolving his life around skids every whim and being manipulated. There has to be boundaries set in place and I feel that as his wife anythng that has to do with our money and time outside of the EOWE skid schedule I have every right to be involved in.
I know in my case my DH would
I know in my case my DH would rather sneak and do exactly what he wanted with SS rather than discuss important matters with me. Like buying SS big ticket items over and above child support (while we were struggling). So yeah, he knew he'd be walking into a lion's den that he himself created by putting his sons wants over the needs of his wife and marriage. His insistence on shutting me out of this aspect of his life which significantly affects me was of his own doing. To me that is a betrayal of our marriage. In my case disengagement nor compromise was "allowed". The ONLY thing that would have made my DH happy would have been jumping on the spoiling bandwagon and burying my head in the sand regarding any problems SS had (failing school, staying gone all night, drugs/alcohol, violence and now finally jail). Maybe this poster is going through something similar. She did say she is ignored when SS is around, is not consulted when he comes over above visitation and gives the kid money. With me these actions has lead to a total breakdown of our marriage because DH will always coddle and rescue his son. My DH wanted to avoid conflict too but would rather straddle the line than be the other half of our marriage. And THAT is what caused the problems in the first place.
I agree Cocoa. The actions
I agree Cocoa. The actions exhibited by your DH and mine are basically the actions of a person having an affair, and I for one am NOT ok with sneaking around and lying! A marriage cannot survive with that kind of betrayal! I realize that I did not make coming to me about skid things the most warm and welcoming BUT that is still no excuse! I would be more willing to compromise and agree to be better with my reactions PROVIDING that DH doesn't lie, sneak around and consults/includes me in anything relating to our finances and time.
My DH has gotten better here and there as time has gone on with how I am treated when skid is around. The last skid visit I decided to join in instead of the usual avoiding skid visits and I had a great time with DH, it was like skid wasn't even there, he paid attention to me, held my hand etc it was nice.
I love my DH and I want us to work, and I am trying my best not to let a friggin skid come between us...hopefully my DH will continue to follow suit as time goes on.
Your situation is
Your situation is significantly different than mine because worthless POS SS30 was in his 20s when I met DH. It is so much harder when the worthless POS you are dealing with is still a minor.
As much as I might hate it - I do believe that a parent has to keep trying with a child who is still a child (minor). I so thankful that I did not know DH when SS was a child. He was horrible from about age 4 (really - he had his first in patient psych hospitalization before he started school).
DH and BM tried just about everything. BM worked for a hospital and her father was a doctor. SS was just incorrigible no matter what anyone tried. Knowing myself - I know that I could not have dealt with this. Hell I can't deal with him as an adult.
When I first met DH he was not up front about seeing SS. I remember his telling me that he was running errands and yet he was out having dinner with SS. I called him out on his deceit - and that fortunately was resolved. DH's 2nd wife wanted him to never speak to the worthless SS so he was used to "hiding" things from her.
I put no restrictions on DH seeing his son - except not on my dime or in my home. He's free to go spend time with him when he wants. It seems to be working for us. DH would love for me to believe (as he does) that SS has now grown up being a father, etc. But he doesn't press it.
I think it would be great if SS manned up, quit drinking, etc. and quit being a total ass. But as long as he is still drinking every single night to get drunk (which is pissing off the babymama) I have little confidence in his ability to "grow up". So glad that I don't give a sh*t.
Wow I pray to God that is not
Wow I pray to God that is not my DH/Skid situation in 5+ years! THAT I will not tolerate one bit! If my DH hides shit from me and sees his kid behind my back etc that will not fly either. If he wants to be married to me then I need honesty and to know wtf is going on...I am not living with a man that wants to lead a double life bc that is NOT what I signed up for in this marriage.
The skid thing is the only area of my marriage where I have ZERO trust when it comes to what DH says and does. I don't want to feel that way but I do bc I don't trust that kid or what transpires between DH and skid. I get that he doesn't want to hear me bitch and criticize every little thing about his kid but I am willing to compromise IF and only IF DH is willing to be honest and open with me about all things skid related. That is the ONLY way I will tone my ass down when it comes to skid...
Does your DH bail his son out
Does your DH bail his son out of situations so that his son will have as few consequences as possible? Does he buy big ticket items (like cars/plane tickets) for his son? Does he make excuses for him? I could totally deal with your situation and not have a bit of worry over my DH's relationship with his son if I knew for a fact DH wasn't enabling him. I've his criminal son show up here drunk with his whore of the month expecting to flop, I've had my house surrounded by sheriffs when SS skipped out of his probation. I can't live with the anxiety of knowing that if I don't know what's going on with him that there will be another surprise just around the corner and I do not trust my DH to protect me/us from it
He did - but that ended long
He did - but that ended long before I met DH. DH bought a car for SS just before he turned 16 - SS snuck it out, drove it drunk and wrecked it. I think that was the last car DH bought for him.
A few years ago SS's GF at the time called about a million times wanting us to pay some fines so SS could get out of jail. DH didn't do it. SS served his 10 days or whatever that was.
Just yesterday I heard DH talking to SS about SS's efforts to get a DL. Has to go to some kind of school after multiple DUIs. SS says the school he went to is now out of business. DH just told him that he was an adult and to deal with it. In other words DH wasn't going to get involved.
What has worked in my favor is that DH had to evict SS with a police escort (violence) a few years before we met. DH has made it clear that SS could NEVER stay in our home. Even when he's been homeless and our home has been empty.
Now for the past year SS has been living with a woman who has a home, job, car and now an anchor baby with SS. DH is so proud of him. All it means to me is that SS has found a better quality of woman to mooch off of.
I can relate to a lot of
I can relate to a lot of what's going on with your situation.
I'm rarely privy to anything regarding SK10. And even though I'm disengaged, I feel I do have every right as his spouse to know what/when/where things are happening. Things are very much on the down-low when it comes to communication between the two of them. I can only guess it happens to and from work and during those times simple tasks outside of the home take extrrrrra long. Whatevs.
Now when my DH asks me when was the last time I talked to my oldest, adult son (from a previous marriage) I snap back and ask "When was the last time you talked to your daughter?" Even though his crap, secretive behavior cuts like a knife and my MIL treats me same exact way regarding SK, I can equally match their game.
Hang in there!
Wow...I am so glad that I am
Wow...I am so glad that I am not the only one going thru this madness! It seriously drives me insane, it literally feels like my DH is having an affair, calls/texts when I am not around, is very protective of his cell phone, etc I cant stand it! I dont get WHY these men think that part of their lives is off-limits to their spouse?! If they didnt ACT like they were HIDING something then we wouldnt be so uptight and bitchy about it...DERRRR ASSHOLES!!! Ugh! I feel the same way, I have every right to know what skid/dh are talking about, their plans etc. if there is NOTHING to hide then why would you get so defensive and act so secretive..my DH acts like thee biggest asshole when I make comments about his "behavior" with his cell phone etc hence why I will NEVER trust what he says/does regarding skid.
I know for a fact that skid calls DH on DHs way to work, pretty much every morning and they text daily with their nauseating ILY's, I hope you have a great day, etc and at night "Don't let the bed bugs bite" to eachother... :sick:
LOL I do the same things too...I will make snappy comments and such, for the first few visits I avoided that brat like the plague but my friends who also have skids told me to make yourself known , stay present so I have decided to stick around and enjoy the time with my DH eventho his brat is there, it is my way of letting skid know I run this house and you will not be using, manipulating etc MY DH on MY watch!!! }:)