You are here

OSD ticked I'm not sharing info on my life with her

Disillusioned's picture

DH & I went by to see SGS's yesterday

While we were there OSD casually asks me when DH isn't in the room if the offer we put on the house we wanted was accepted.

I confirmed it was

So, when DH walks in the room she says oh okay, I wondered 'cause you called me the day of Dad to say you were waiting to hear.

Whatever, it wasn't a secret so if DH chose to tell her I could care less. Although, I was pretty sure DH hadn't shared anything much with her so was quite surprised to hear he phoned her the day we put an offer in, to tell her we had done so and that he was waiting to hear back :?

She then says to me, that YSD told her the new house looks really nice.

At this point, I thought 'okay, so you want to make sure I'm aware that even though I haven't shared anything with you, you're aware because DH and YSD have told you'....again, I'm thinking whatever, up to them.

I said "oh great, so YSD liked the house then"?! Wink

So anyway afterwards DH says to me that he never spoke with OSD about the house :? So I say it's wasn't a secret DH I really could care less and he says no, but he never said a word to her about it, that I was there with him that day do I recall him talking to her?

So I say, well why would she lie about it? Especially right in front of you DH. DH says again that he does not know why she did that, but that he most certainly never said a word to her about it

Then it dawned on me. Typical behaviour from her (she does tend to lie) she simply wanted to make sure I knew that even though I chose not to tell her anything about the new house/ours selling, she wanted to make sure I knew that she was aware what was going on anyway

Again, whatever SD!

She shows absolutely no interest in my life at all. I am nothing to her. It's a big deal if she actually says hello to me, or thank you (as of late) and yet, she still actually gets pissed off that I would dare to tell YSD - who is very interested in my life and supportive too - and not her

Amazes me all the time how some skids, adult ones at that, can think they have the right to crap all over people, make sure they know that they don't matter, but still expect those same people to kiss their ass and keep them informed of what's going on in their life, just like they do with others who actually care

Not!

hereiam's picture

What makes you think she was pissed about anything?

I think you give her too much space in your head.

Cocoa's picture

Well she also assumed dh wouldn't rat her out in front of you. And it doesn't sound like he did

Disneyfan's picture

Chances are your giving this much more thought than she is. Sounds like the two of you were alone in a room, instead of ignoring you, she made small talk about something she knew you cared about. You turned into something ugly. It really sounds like you're creating a bunch of her feelings/intentions up in your head

If you dislike her so much and believe she feels the same way about you, why keep going X around her? :?

twopines's picture

Asking you about your offer was actually her being pissed and trying to get you to kiss her ass because she has absolutely no interest in your life? OK, well, now you know that she knows that you know that she knows etc etc.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

For some reason this behaviour makes your SD feel important or partly in control of your and DH's life. As if she has a say / opinion on your life. They do not like to be kept out of the loop and will even pretend to know about things going on to make themselves feel important.

My SD used to do this too and say things to me like, "my dad told be ALL ABOUT IT" - this is about private matters she actually shouldn't have known about. Even if he did confide it wasn't proper to tell me he did. I found it strange and manipulative at the time. I really didn't want to know if she knows but she always had to inform me that she knows LOL. Since I am now NO CONTACT with her these situations never arise. No head games.

Just ignore your SD when she plays these games - if she is sincere making small talk then so be it - but if it is game playing - avoid her when you are at the same function.

sammigirl's picture

I understand where you are with this; it's called passive aggressive, head games, and whatever fits at the time. My SD55 used to do this also, still tries occasionally.

I quit telling anything to anyone that would give her information, including my DH. I am completely disengaged and now she leaves me entirely alone. At least for the past few weeks, not sure how long that will last; with that said it is very peaceful to have my SD55 out of my space.

Keep up the good work. Just continue to wing it as it comes, that is what I do and only answer what I am ask, with NO explanations.

Disillusioned's picture

no heriam, I don't think she was pissed off, I KNOW she was. She is a mental case. I've had almost 20 years of learning that about her. Just because I'm pointing out what I happen to know, does not mean I'm "giving her too much space in my head"

Disillusioned's picture

Yes Cocoa, that is what I struggle with too. Why DH can't just stand up to her, call her out and say "what are you talking about, we never discussed that" is beyond me

He lives in fear of pissing her off, so, he sits back and allows her to be the biggest bitch ever

I just posted about my brother dying, and her disgusting response

She really is a disgusting waste of a human being

Disillusioned's picture

No Disneyfan, I really have no idea where you got that *I* turned it into something ugly. I just happen to know how she thinks, and that she wanted to make sure I was fully aware that even if *I* don't tell her what going on in my life, her "dad" will...even if she has to lie and make up a whole conversation with him that didn't happen, to prove it

Seriously that is messed up!

Disillusioned's picture

no twopines, lying about a conversation with DH about something going on in our life that you are correct she had no knowledge of, was the pissed off little game she was playing

Disillusioned's picture

Yes sueu2, she was definitely trying to make herself sound in the loop. And you did hit on the thing that sticks out most for me, that all the while she was making up this lie - and expecting DH to collaborate with her - he didn't have the balls to call her out

He did of course rat her out to me after we left, but never ever would he dare say something to her when he should have

And he wonders why she behaves the way she does?!

Disillusioned's picture

Great advice 20Years! Yes you have her pegged...but then you have lots of experience with a SD that sounds a little like her!

Disillusioned's picture

That's smart sammigirl, glad you are at that great point, hope I get there one day with my SD!