You are here

Livid, why is it always my fault?

Nayeli_J's picture

Submitted by Nayeli_J on Fri, 02/05/2016 - 11:45pm

Forums: 
General Discussion

So, DH just felt the need to sit me down and say the following

"How come you still don't do anything for (SD6, soon to be 7). You don't do her laundry and you always clean up all of the dishes other than hers."

See, here's the thing. I am taking care of our 1 year old round the clock that he barely ever helps with. I also feel like I'm studying around the clock for school and on top of it I still do OUR laundry, cook, clean the house when I get a good half hour, AND run all of the errands.

He is laid off at the moment and not doing shit. We have SD here EOW, so is it really that damn hard for HIM to at LEAST take a little load off of me and do HIS OWN CHILD'S LAUNDRY?

Also, in regards to the dishes, she just leaves them on the table, never clears her plate, and she never EATS over the plate, so pasta sauce and cereal and whatever else always ends up ONLY at her spot and on the floor around her chair. No I do not clean up after her. She is old enough to put her own dishes in the sink. She is old enough to know to eat over the damn table. And she is old enough to know to clean up after herself. I told him that I have tried getting her into that habit before, and she doesn't care to listen to me. So if he won't enforce it, in my opinion, then HE can deal with the mess. I'm not doing shit.

And the other thing he said was "I don't like the kind of dad I am now that you're around. I feel like I'm always on her ass about everything now. She's just a kid."

Let me explain why he's had to be "on her ass about everything" from just today alone, and the things he's said.

Event #1: (starting with the bowl that's been on the table since yesterday filled of oatmeal) DH: "You need to start putting your dishes in the sink when you are done so that they can be washed"

Event #2: (Dirty panties that have been on the kitchen counter for 3 days, and I made a comment about how disgusting that is) DH: "You need to put your dirty laundry in your hamper, not on the counter"

Event #3: (13 barbie dolls in the tub and 5 spread out all over the bathroom floor, and I made a comment about how if she won't keep her toys in her room, the ones I find will be thrown in the garbage) DH: "You have a room for a reason, I don't want to see your toys all over the house. That's why you can never find them"

Event #4: (teasing the baby who has a cold and is teething and wants her to leave him the fuck alone, lol) "leave him alone" (she keeps going) "leave him alone I said" (she laughs and continues) DH: "Get the hell to your room! You are not listening, I shouldn't have to ask 3 times in under 5 minutes!!!"

Event #5: (Once again, snack wrappers and toys are everywhere in the living room) DH: "******, clean up this mess! You need to clean up after yourself, I'm serious!"

I'm sorry, but how is that being on your child's ass? IMO that's parenting, and teaching them to be responsible.

All of a sudden now that I'm back in the picture he's angry because he actually forced to PARENT? lol and of course, it's my fault because he's noticing the behavior now and it is frustrating him because she doesn't even think he's being serious since he's failed to enforce these things for almost 7 years now.

I mean, I just finished teaching a class full of kids her age, and no offense, but she's no where near as mature as them. For crying out loud, even our 1 year old puts his toys back in the toybox and picks up his megablocks.

.....But I'm the bad guy, this is all my fault. Dirol Wink :sick: Smile :?

Powerfamily's picture

Submitted by Powerfamily on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 1:51am

I really hope you set him straight about his comments.

Why the h*ll would you look after his daughter when he not working at the moment. Time for you to stop looking after everyone bar yourself and you son.

The thing he is not parenting his child he just dictating.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 2:30am

Let me get this straight - you are working and/or going to school (couldn't quite tell) and caring for a baby and taking care of all the household tasks and he is b*tching because he has to take care of his own daughter? What the h*ll is wrong with him?

If he is not working, he should be doing all of the household tasks, not just those involving his daughter. He should also be actively job hunting.

If I were you I'd cut back. Take care of yourself and the baby and let him do everything for himself and his daughter. If he doesn't like the Dad he is when you're around, he can feel free to find somewhere else to spend time with his daughter.

SecondGeneration's picture

Submitted by SecondGeneration on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 6:09am

Smile sweetly and remind him that this is the consequence of not allowing the pair of you to set and enforce household rules.
There are particular things you have both agreed to but when it comes to SD he doesnt hold her to the same and doesnt like you "being mean" to her, therefore, since you do not welcome additional and unnecessary work to your already hectic schedule he can be fully responsible for his child. Which since he is not working at the moment, should be no issue for him.

But since he is concerned about the type of parent he is, ask him what kind of parent he wants to be and remind him all those disney ideas he has will not be achievable if hes sitting at home on his ass. He needs to be hunting for work and in the mean time he needs to be ontop of atleast half of the household running.

LikeMinded's picture

Submitted by LikeMinded on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 7:52am

Or how about "I don't like the person I've become since I married you. I don't remember our vows saying anything about me becoming your unpaid nanny."

Seriously, if you're working, he should be pulling his weight at home, and no, don't lift a dang finger for his brat that HE's creating.

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 8:52am

Nayeli, I'm older than you, but here's my two cents and what I've told women in your position. OK here goes: What is more useless than tits on a goose? What takes up useful oxygen the rest of us could use? What deserves to have firecrackers shoved up their ass and be forced to swallow lit matches? Answer: A MAN WITH NO JOB. He needs to get a job asap, even if it's delivering papers or pizza. Your resentment (notwithstanding SD) will eventually eat you alive.

ctnmom's picture

Submitted by ctnmom on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 6:46pm

*

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Sat, 02/06/2016 - 10:20pm

So the fact that your child died 6 months ago is supposed to be "past history" per your counselor? Bullsh*t.

So very sorry. Normal people take years to deal with something like that.

Powerfamily's picture

Submitted by Powerfamily on Sun, 02/07/2016 - 2:55am

You need a better counselor.

I'm not a counselor but even I know issues need to be dealt with. Issues which haven't been dealt with they are just going to grown and become bigger issues until they are dealt with be it immediately or now.

ExArmydad's picture

Submitted by ExArmydad on Wed, 02/10/2016 - 2:35pm

This guy is pissing me off!

Dudes like him give us great guys a bad name.
I can take care of 3 kids and one being a baby on my day off, do a couple loads of laundry, take kids for a walk, make lunch, change several diapers, load & start dishwasher, sweep the floor, vacuum, maybe mop if I get a break during nap time and last but not least, start dinner. What's his excuse?

I also refuse to clean up after my SD. She knows what she's supposed to be doing, her chores list hangs from the fridge. So if those expectations are not met, she can't go outside to play. Period! And if my DW has a problem, (which she never would) she can do it but I refuse. I have noticed my DD who is almost 2 clean up after herself better than 9 yr old SD. I think its hilarious!