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Sick of DH always ASKING SD to do things!

steplife's picture

Submitted by steplife on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 1:18pm

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General Discussion

I'm so sick of the way DH talks to SD7 about things! Why doesn't he just TELL her what needs to be done instead of asking?

DH: SD What do you think about getting your PJs on?
SD: No
(Argument ensues)
My thinking: SD it's 10 minutes until bedtime, go out your PJs on.

DH: SD don't you think it's time to clean up your paper/toys/(insert object here).
SD: No, I'm not finished yet.
(Argument ensues)
My thinking: SD go put xyz away, its time to clean up.

DH: SD why don't you start thinking about clear your dishes at the table?
SD: Ok (doesn't move, she must just be "thinking" about it as DH has only asked that much from her)
My thinking: SD clear the table before you start playing.

I just think it sends SD the message that these "requests" are optional. WTF

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 1:50pm

I'm hoping your examples aren't verbatim, because that DOES sound over the top.

I will say though, that I ask my bios nicely the first time. They've learned that if I have to say it more than once that they will not enjoy it. }:)
Me: BS5, will you put your cars away please? It's time to go to bed.
BS5: No, I'm still playing.
Me: *gets up, puts every car in a plastic bag and up out of reach* Your cars are now in timeout for the next day. Time for bed.

He now picks up his cars the first time he's asked. But I DO ask nicely, since I want him to ask people nicely for things as well.

ocs's picture

Submitted by ocs on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 2:29pm

DH does this with SD14.

MIL- when you have SD will you come for dinner?
DH- Oh- I'll ask SD
MIL- Sad oh, ok.
ME- yes- we will be here at 6pm, I'll bring wine

DH didn't say a word to me about it. Since when does a kid decide dinner plans?

Another one was to see if she was going to stay at home alone while we went out.

DH- OCS and I have a party on Friday for a few hours- but kids can come
SD- oh- can I just stay here?
DH- *sickly sweet* Oh- would you like that? Is that ok with your mom?

Ummmmmmmmmm- WHAT?! He has never tried that shit again.

I feel your pain.

Orange County Ca's picture

Submitted by Orange County Ca on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 3:04pm

Go to Amazon.com and get a book on parenting. Make sure it discusses this particular subject. Give it to him.

steplife's picture

Submitted by steplife on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 3:05pm

Ally, yes those are real examples! I believe in your technique as well, if I ask nicely and it doesn't happen...into the garbage or put away for a time period. My mother used to throw away anything left out (we never left stuff out after that!)

beccountable, no he is assertive EVERYWHERE else. He is a supervisor at work and won't take crap effort/ backtalk from any of his employees! Only with SD is he this way! What makes me more angry is the conversations about our childhood and our parents seem to match up with using their example of parenting styles....but he can't seem to implement those with his DD!

OrangeUGlad's picture

Submitted by OrangeUGlad on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 3:56pm

Dh does this!

Once I asked him... if I walked in while you were watching a brand new First 48 and asked you "Would you like to load the dishwasher?" What would you say? lol

He gets it, but still does it. Shrug.

I stay out of it.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 08/06/2014 - 7:21pm

I love the parents who ask, "Do you want a spanking?" or "Do you want to go to time out?" or my favorite, "What do you think your punishment should be?" Um, ice cream?

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Thu, 08/07/2014 - 11:09am

I had to break DH of this habit when we were first together. He tiptoed around SS (now almost 10) because he'd throw a huge ass tantrum whenever he didn't get exactly what he wanted (and still does). I had to show him how to word commands as commands rather than questions.

DH: SS, don't you want to finish your dinner?
SS: No, not tonight.

DH: SS, don't you think it's time for bed?
SS: No, I'm not tired.

DH: SS, what do you think about getting dressed so you don't miss the bus?
SS: I'm not going to school today.

That got old fast. He learned that it was a lot easier when orders became orders:

SS, finish your dinner.
SS, it's time for bed.
SS, go get dressed. Now.

This crap with parents asking their children to do what they're supposed to do is ridiculous.