Anybody got advice about how to stop 'bathroom accidents' in an 11yo??
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SS11 has difficulty making it to the bathroom. In all arenas.
Daytime/nightime, both varieties....
I'm getting frustrated with it as it seems to be related to his refusal to go to the loo before sleeping. His Mum is often forgetful about asking him to go and is, generally, not that disturbed as she has dealt with it for so long.
He plays computer games a lot and I think he gets engrossed, so is unaware. This isn't the reason for the overnight stuff, though.
Does anyone have any ideas how best to support the SS in this??
The first step would be to
The first step would be to take him to a doctor to see if he has a medical condition.
Still having accidents while being awake in the day is pretty concerning, and going #2 at that.
I hope you can resolve this soon for him.
Take him to the dr to make
Take him to the dr to make sure theres nothing medical underlining it and then have a sit down with SS.
Or rather, have dad have a sit down with him.
Im all for accidents happen and you shouldn't shame a child with toilet training but this is an 11 year old who isnt struggling with night time, hes struggling all the time. Thats not quite normal.
Yes some people really struggle with night time, but frequent near misses in the day too isnt right.
If hes old enough to sit for ages playing on his own on computer games hes old enough to be responsible for using a bathroom correctly.
It may sound mean but Id be having him do his own washing whenever theres a toilet related issue. If there is nothing medically wrong then its pure laziness. Now it might be that theres something medically wrong and his brain is struggling to send "Erm I need the toilet" signals until too late. Or it may be that hes too engrossed in his games that hes ignoring it. There is a big mind over matter thing but there comes a point that if the body has to go its just got to go.
So, reduce his gaming time. One of the ways they help toilet train elderly patients with dementia is to ensure regular toilet breaks; Im talking every 2-3 hours, to help preserve their dignity instead of just shoving them into nappies.
When home from school, drink, toilet, go do homework/gaming for 2 hours, drink, toilet, dinner, go do something for 2 hours, toilet.
Take the electronics out of his room in the evening to reduce late night distraction. If hes got a big set up then just take the power cable. Make sure the wifi is turned off at a decent hour each evening so he isnt browsing online on his phone and invest in one of those bedwetting alarms. Anytime theres a nighttime accident, dad needs to be getting up with him and making sure all bedding goes straight in the washing machine and SS goes straight in the shower, because pee stinks.
It will be inconvenient for him but you can honestly say to him, if he isnt able to get himself to the toilet on time then thats what will need to be happening.
But first speak to a dr, maybe im too harsh lol
We've been to the doctor. His
We've been to the doctor. His mum (my wife) was meant to do stool samples, but it was impossible as he didn't get to the loo. I'm afraid I draw the line at collecting poop..... that's definitely a BM job....
You aren't harsh!! The two hour shift thing is a really good idea. So is the alarm. I talked to him about stopping the games 45 minutes before bedtime (I'll turn if the internet,too)he seemed okay with it. He brings his bedding to the machine and has to remake it himself, which is making him aware of the consequences.
I think it is laziness....I know I'm a bad person, but the doctor found nothing wrong. And pee *really* stinks....
Thanks for the suggestions.
Yeah I'd be refusing to do
Yeah I'd be refusing to do that one too, there are some very special jobs in life reserved for biological parents and some truly disgusting jobs reserved for them too.
I have a step sister who is disabled, she got worse as she got older, toilet trained later at 3 years but as she hit her teens was having to be back in them. The drs told my step mum to get used to it, her disabilities and her inability to communicate would make toilet training impossible, but if you have ever tried to change an adult nappy its a frigging nightmare and totally undignified, especially if you are in a public place, even disabled toilets just dont have the right facilities. This is where/when she looked into the methods used for dementia patients. She took a summer holiday; a 8 week block and used it to toilet train my step sister, by taking her to the toilet every 2 hours. The result meant she didnt have to be in nappies anymore.
But it takes a committed parent, if mum doesnt see it as that big an issue then its going to be x10 harder.
But to me, if its possible with dementia patients and people deemed to have no understanding and control then there is absolutely no excuse for an eleven year old.
Fingers crossed you get some good progress
Oh my goodness. That's
Oh my goodness. That's something I'd never thought of. Adult nappy changing must be outrageously difficult. There's the question of dignity for all, too.
Your post has really helped. Thank you so much.
Ha ha and there I was
Ha ha and there I was worrying I was being harsh.
I dont disagree with you at all Echo, if theres no underlying illness then its laziness and no excuse. BUT if mother doesnt feel its "that big a deal" then I doubt shes going to go 180 and suddenly punish the kid for something in her mind "isnt his fault"
And apologies OP I automatically assumed you were posting as a step mother. So where Im saying dad should be doing stuff, in your case its mum (basically the bio not step)
But on the plus, if SS is with you the majority of the time it should be quicker to sort out once theres some kind of plan in place.
Put him in a diaper and
Put him in a diaper and rubber pants. He wears it 24/7 including in public, to school, etc.... End of problem.
My Skid did not have to wear it for more than a weekend before he took it off, came to me and said that he understood and never had another "accident" again. Oh yah. And we took his game system away and never let him play it again in our home.
Worked like a charm.
SecondGeneration, we're a
SecondGeneration, we're a pair of lezzers!
BM is more like a 'dad' in parenting stuff, but wants to be the 'fun' one. I swear, at points, it's like having 3 stepchildren. Ughhhhh.
Echo, you are awesome. He's here 99.999% of the time. I think the denying of electrics may cause meltdown, but I can see having to use that as the ultimate. I did growl at him this morning, explained that his wetting, with our very tight budget, means that even the washing soap is running out before the end of the week. Added to this, we will have to buy him ANOTHER mattress because BM didn't sort his bedding out in time on several occasions(before I got here). I can't understand why she didn't.... but that's another story.
I'm going to show him how to use the washing machine this week and will seriously consider Rags' idea!!! I can just imagine him squeaking around in school!!!
Well I was thinking Petra is
Well I was thinking Petra is a female name!
If the washing soap is becoming an issue get him to wash out the bedding in the bathtub with water and dirt cheap shower gel/soap, its a heck of a lot more work but it'll probably put him off faster than shoving them in the washing machine.
Send him here...
Send him here... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jqctG3NnDa0
I made my boys watch this when it came out and threatened to send them there }:)
We were guardians for a boy
We were guardians for a boy (younger than 11) who pooped his pants almost every day. He lived for video games. We took his favorite game away and told him he could have it back if he went a whole week without pooping his pants. It worked! When he went back to his old habits, we would take the game away again. He really did respond to this. We were pretty impressed how well this worked.
The problem is not the child.
The problem is not the child. The problem is his mother.