SD call's me by my first name and refers to me as her step-mom most of the time. Occasionally when with other kids she has called me her mom. I let her get away with it without correcting. I think it is just for her to feel like she fits in and to not have to explain to the kids. I call her my kid when meeting inconsequential strangers to save explaining, but people who we will meet again I tell them that she is my SD. I don't have other kids so I don't feel like a "mom", it would be really weird for me if she started calling me that even with her living with us 100% of the time during the school year and me doing all of the "mom" things.

My ss14 occasionally calls me mom but he always corrects himself. It's more like when your own mom calls you your sister's name or your sister calls her daughter your name. Just a little slip of the tongue.

My skids were 10 and 12 when I came along. There was no way they were going to start calling me mom for real.

i called my sm "mom" also. she was my daily life from the age of 5. we saw our bm less an dless often, eventually going several months in between visits. sm was there every day and just as involved as dad. she did clothes, hair, doctors, kissing boo-boos, all that. some kids really do have two moms.

What is everyone's opinion and reasoning behind it?
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See Ladyfaces post and that is my opinion too!

I am lazy today. lol

Depends on your relationship with stepkid and bm. Bm started having ss call her bf dad almost right away. After dh and I married, he asked us if he could call me mom. He said I was his mom when he was at our house so why not. Bm says she doesn't care and if she does then she should say something. People have their options but in REALITY do what is best for your family. You have your reasons and as long as you aren't forcing the issue than I am sure it's fine. Ss knows that bm is his MOM and that I am his stepmom
For him mom is just an abbreviation of stepmom.

I am not their mom. Don't want to be referred to as mom by kids who aren't mine. I'm married to their dad. If something happened to end that relationship, I seriously doubt I would be any part of their life any longer. They can call me by my name.

Heck, I taught preschool for 10 years and those kids didn't call me mom either. Mom is a title reserved for use by my own kids.

http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/marriage-challenges/remarriage-...
This is just one expert opinion, but from what I reading, it sounds like relationships play a bigger role than names.

I like that opinion. If it works for your family then it works, it doesn't matter that it doesn't work for other families.

My skids are adults and were late teens when I met them. A few years ago on vacation my SD(25) started calling me Momma, the same as my kids. It stopped when we got home.
Then last year she was in the hospital with an infection. When I was changing the cold cloth on her head she said thanks Momma. I said your Moms not here yet (she lives out of town) but she's on her way. She said I know, I meant you Momma, thanks for being here and taking care of me. Not going to lie, it brought a tear to my eye. Especially when BM doesn't even want me to be called stepmom.

My SS is 4 I've been with him for 3+ years now. Sometimes he will call slip up and call me mom if he has a friend over and ever since I had bio but it's still rarely. We correct him. Why? Because BM will beat him if he ever slipped up and called me that in front of her. He would pay for it severely so if it never happens then it can't become a habit to break. Sad, but it's the truth.

Kids are smart and know who their REAL mom or dad are regardless of parental biology. My SS, now adopted at his request, always called me Dad(dy) from day one. I was the only full time dad he has ever known. Dickhead (Daddy Firstname) was little more than a sperm donor. Step Mom and Step Dad are both as much mom or dad as the bio parents are in many cases so a child calling their parent, mom or dad is perfectly normal and acceptable. That said, it is up to the Sparent what they will be called by their Skid. When my son came home from Sperm Clan visitation upon occasion to tell me that Sperm GrandHag had told him that he could not call me dad and that I was not his REAL dad I was his step dad we would discuss it.

I explained what a bio dad was, what a step dad was, that a bio dad is the dad that made him with his mom and a step dad is the dad that is married to mom and loves mom and him very much. But a REAL dad is a dad that goes to work everyday to earn a good living so that the family has a nice place to live, good food to eat, good schools for the kids to go to, the dad that teaches him to read, write, use the toilet, tie his shoes, coaches his sports teams, and tucks him in bed at night. He looked at me and said "a step dad sounds like a real dad to me." As for calling me dad. When Sperm GrandHag would load him up with that crap about not calling me dad I gave him a choice. Call me dad or call me Mr. Lastname those were his only choice. I do not allow children to call me by my first name. He chose to stick with dad.

That is how it worked in our blended family. And now I am dad with papers and my name on his birth certificate and all.

If it works for you and your situation, don't worry about what you read here or anywhere else. Every situation is different. For people to say, "absolutely not", well, it's not for them to say, except in their own lives.

I don't want to be called mom by my SD. She has always called me by my first name. And my kids call my hubby by his first name.

My niece calls her sm mom...works for them.

To each their own. There is no right or wrong way of doing it.

My ex remarried a lady with 3 girls, they all called him Daddy. They have a father who ex's new wife had severely PAS'd them against. Ex's marriage with her lasted 3 years, ended badly and now ex is not their Daddy anymore. I felt for those little girls who were being used as pawns for affection. "Hate your father, love new daddy, hate new daddy." Ex said that his ex remarried so I guess the girls have Daddy #3. Mom has them all medicated since they have "anxiety." She says they genetically get the anxiety from their father...who they never see. Glad the way mom's raising them has NOTHING to do with it :sick: Poor beautiful sad messed up medicated little girls.

We had a falling out with SD13 last year, as a step-father her and I were great for 10 years, then suddenly BD who was never aprt of her life suddenly started coming in and I know he turned her against me and her mom. She's now living with him because of the amount of disrespect, etc...anyway, now that she still sees her mom on visitation, we can still see in her email account since we had access to it when she started it. The crazy thing was in her contacts she had her BD's girlfriend (now wife as of last month) in the contacts as "MOMMY" and has her BM as just "MOM".

Now we all know "MOMMY" is the more personal loving way of saying MOM.

The fact that this girl is calling her step-mom MOMMY is what I believe a follwoing on to the brainwashing her POS BD did to her, but her real MOM, my wife, is in denial about the whole ting and hasn't even confronted her about that.

If her BD would have seen either one of them call me DAD over the past 10 years, he probably would have flipped out on them. He was always insecure about my sucess in life and his failure that he thought I was taking over.

But, it's ashame to see in the end that in a crazy psycho way he won, he brainwashed the daughter to hate me, and call his new wife "MOMMY". Kids are pretty sick with the decisions they make in life.

I always hear the "One day they'll remember what you did for them." I'll seriously doubt that, nor do I think I will forgive. She's old enough to know what she's done.

Anyway, that's my vent on that.

I think this is completely dependent on your individual circumstances.
In my case I was very uncomfortable with sd11 calling me mum.
We have her fulltime. My dh is very supportive of me being an equal as far as parenting sd11 is concerned.
Both of us could not see how this would ever work if we both didnt parent her. She has ADHD and a language processing disorder and is developmentally about 3-4 years behind. So she is functionally like a 7 year old but with the language skills of a 6 year old.
She started accidentally calling me mum when we were doing stuff together. ie. we were baking one day and she is a chatter box and automatically said "mum how about we put pink icing" then she realised and covered by saying "oh i accidentally called dad mum" to which I replied "its ok he can be a bit of a girl sometimes". My answer made my feminist feathers ruffle but it was the first thing out of my mouth. From then on she started calling me mum more and more. Then she asked if it was ok to call me mum because her mum said it wasn't. Our answer was "do you love your mum anyless because you call me mum". She said no. THen we said "do you think mums feelings are hurt by calling me mum". She said " mum is jealous and says all sorts of nasty things about you and dad and I don't like it and I know she is lying". Then we asked her what she wanted to call me after I said it doesnt matter what she calls me its the way you call someone something that matters. I'm happy if you call me kaehbee or mum.
I absolutely did not want sd11 to feel rejected by me by demanding she not call me mum. Dh still refers to me as kaebee "go and kaebee if you can use her laptop". She calls me mum all the time now even when we are out with her mothers extended family. BM has stopped carrying on about it because all her family have told her to stop being a fucktarded bitch about it.
So it works for us and our circumstances.

My skids are older so it was never an issue but if a young child WANTED to call me Mom it would break my heart to tell them they couldn't. They would feel so rejected.