My SO doesn't want to see his Ex's new Fiance and it affects me...
My SO was married to his ex for 12 years and they have 2 children together. We started dating shortly after his divorce. He's on a 50/50 child custody schedule with his ex but he actually gets his son full time during the school year. He has his son full time mostly because his son needs extra help in school that his ex is unable/willing to provide and also because he doesn't want his son around his ex's fiancé.
His ex's fiancé is one of the men she was cheating on him with and he can't bring himself to see or be around that man at all. When they have to hand off the kids they meet in a parking lot.
My hope is that in time, the ice will thaw and my SO will get over it more and be able to face this man. In the meantime, I've accepted that I won't be invited to any school functions, joint birthday parties, etc. because if I'm present then his ex will feel free to include her fiancé and my boyfriend can't handle that.
This morning he called his son to wish him a happy birthday and I wished him a happy birthday too. His son didn't even acknowledge that I'd said anything. All my boyfriend said was "Did you hear her wish you a happy birthday?" The response was a weak, "yes". When his kids are with their dad, they are so sweet to me and affectionate. They scream when I walk through to door. Apparently when they're with their mother, I don't rate a hello or thank you.
I wish he would have said, "you need to say thank you when my girlfriend or anyone else wishes you a happy birthday" but I realize that the reason he didn't is because he doesn't want his ex to mention her fiancé in his presence so it's ok for me to be disrespected. Then he asked if I want to celebrate his son's birthday tonight and I told him no. No I don't want to celebrate with you and your son at your convenience when no thought is given to my feelings. No I don't want to go out of my way to take time off from work and spend Spring Break with your kids and pretend like we're a family until their mom is around.
Has anyone dealt with anything like this? Am I being unreasonable?
Banging other soldiers while
Banging other soldiers while he's deployed? That sounds awfully familiar.
Sorry, but I have to agree
Sorry, but I have to agree with LadyFace.
If it bothers your DH to see the man BM cheated on him with, then he's not over it.
DH had to see the men that BM cheated on DH with, in fact one moved in the same day he moved out, it didn't bother him, he was over her long before he even left.
I am going to tell him how I
I am going to tell him how I feel and how I wish it would've been handled. Thank you for offering some perspective about what it might be like for his son when he's with his mother.
If he can't meet his ex's
If he can't meet his ex's boyfriend, he's not over her.
^EXACTLY^ Dh still kicks his
^EXACTLY^
Dh still kicks his own ass over the betrayal... and it wasn't with just one guy it was with at least 4. Yes, girl, FOUR. And the one that stuck in dh's craw the most, we'll call him The Amazing Scummo, moved in while the divorce was still pending, (Voldemort and Scummo fell apart within a year). Dh CANNOT STAND Voldemort and it has nothing to do with having any leftover feelings for her and absolutely everything to do with feeling stupid for not seeing it, i.e. the betrayal.
Sometimes it's hard to
Sometimes it's hard to distinguish the difference between him not being over her (which I think he is) and him not having fully come to terms with the fact that this man is around his children. I don't feel like he cares what she does.
Maybe I should try to be more understanding and patient.
How long ago did they
How long ago did they divorce? The main thing I get from this post is that your DH still has deep feelings for his ex. Like love and jealousy feelings. Maybe jumped to dating too soon.
They were separated for
They were separated for almost two years before they got divorced and they were divorced for less than one year when we started dating. We've been together almost two years. I don't believe that he's still in love with his ex but he's not completely healed either.
So are you suggesting Dad
So are you suggesting Dad shouldn't be on the phone then either. I mean, afterall, it's Mom's time. There is no need for Dad to take up any of Bm's time. The only one who should be wishing their child birthday thoughts on the day is BM, it's her time with her son? If it's all about being BM's time, then Dad could have waited and focused on 'good times' at his own house on his own time....please tell me you never stooped so low as to deny happy birthday wishes to your child based solely on it being 'your time' :O
I don't ever talk to the kids
I don't ever talk to the kids when they're with their mother. I don't call them at all. His dad called his son's cell phone at a time he is usually at his Before Care...they normally get dropped off an hour before school. That's the only reason I wished him a happy birthday. It turns out that on this particular day, his mom was taking him straight to school. I didn't know this.
I don't ever talk to the kids
I don't ever talk to the kids when they're with their mother. I don't call them at all. His dad called his son's cell phone at a time he is usually at his Before Care...they normally get dropped off an hour before school. That's the only reason I wished him a happy birthday. It turns out that on this particular day, his mom was taking him straight to school. I didn't know this.
Sounds like he is def reeling
Sounds like he is def reeling from the betrayal. How hard is it for a woman to get over the other woman when her ex remarries his mistress. Now I can imagine there would be no love lost between the two, but the anger and feelings of betrayal would be there.
This is it completely. It's
This is it completely. It's hard for me to understand because I've never been in a situation like this.
This is a great perspective.
This is a great perspective. Thank you.
If seeing her with the other
If seeing her with the other man is hard for him, I think it points to unresolved feelings. The BM in our case did the same thing and all my DH said was he was thankful for the guy because she was his problem now.
And know when you have an insecure BM that is jealous, it's hard for skids to hint they might like you or even love you because as someone else said, she won't take it well and will punish them for it later. To keep the peace, they'll do what they have to in her presence and you better believe your name won't be mentioned to her. Just don't worry about it. Focus on your SO and let him worry about his kid.
UPDATE: Apparently their mom
UPDATE: Apparently their mom got married this past weekend and that's why the kids have been acting so crazy. When they're with their dad, they just pretend like nothing is happening.