It's fine most of the time. I use to say that too. Then slowly the skids true selfs starting coming out. I know for fact one is just evil. If you're serious about your bf and want to continue the relationship you have to have a serious talk about what you expect vs what he expects. He might think yall will be one big happy family spending every damn weekend of your fricking life watching stupid kids movies and playing at the park. Going out to only kid friendly resturants and what not. He may think the mother instinct will kick in once you spend more time with them. Who knows. Talking is very important. If you don't want that, if you want some adult time the boundaries have to be set soon.

"I sometimes feel that he'd like to slide me in to the space his ex wife left behind." Oh boy that sounds so familiar! I am sure that is what my BF would like to do also if I'd let him.

The thing is, the kids will ALWAYS be around, maybe not always physically but what I am learning is that every single decision, every single one involves what is best for his kid. I am never consulted on schedules but I stopped worrying about that long ago, I don't rearrange my schedule either. You have to decide if this is something you are willing to live with. My BFs kid is a great little kid, easy to be with, funny, he listens...and his ex is a pretty cool lady, no problems with either of them but I don't always enjoy being around him and like it or not they are BOTH a part of my life now. Not really what I thought I was getting involved with. I wish I would have known. The bottom line is you are never in a relationship with just your BF, ever... He could be one of the best guys on the planet but is this the life you would choose? Would you have looked at his profile with consideration if he revealed he had kids?

I totally understand, I had the conversation and my BF agreed also...3 years ago. I travel frequently, I am on a plane once a month (because I hate where we live), I take classes, have my own business plus 2 jobs and do not put his child before my needs. However, after 3 years my BF inevitably wants more involvement, but I feel like the kid has two very involved parents why should I be any more involved than I am? For me, doing almost everything I enjoy without him because with a child around (his is 50% custody), his practices, games, school, etc it takes almost 100% of his time along with his business we have very little time to do much at all. I love to travel, he can't. I love to try new restaurants etc but he has hockey equipment, after school day care, insurance, etc to buy. I'd like to go away for the weekend but the kid has games every Saturday and he helps with coaching. He is a great Father, something I respect him for greatly for however being a woman who doesn't have these responsibilities means that I am frequently doing things without him, which is fine sometimes, as I like having my own life but it would be really nice to have a night out...we did at the beginning. As the kid gets older though, the time constraints get tighter and tighter. For me, I think it just comes down to us having totally different lifestyles and values. It would just be nice to be in a relationship with someone who enjoys the same freedoms and the same interests as I do. This is not about me I know, I am just trying to give you a perspective of someone who has been living in a similar situation.

I am not saying you should leave or give up, or that your love story will turn out like anyone else's in the world of Stepmothering. I just think being aware, something I was NOT, at the beginning is wise. Obviously you are doing some research, that is very smart!!! I really do wish you all the happiness

Hi ChickieDee...well you are lucky that your BF does things like that with you!

My BF would like for me to be involved to the extent of going to parent-teacher meetings, getting involved with the hockey team and being a "hockey mom" as he puts it, going to every game...they have him in sports year round...almost every weekend he has something going on...the kid I mean! lol

We have 2 weekends a month too but the BF hates to take time off work so between him working and his kid's schedule plus the sports stuff we really have about 2 nights alone. It was 3 months ago on my b-day that we went out to eat.

My situation is also not great because we really aren't that compatible and I have no interest in more involvement so it isn't a case of maybe it's a definite no. I care about his child but not in the way I love my niece and nephew, or even my best friend's kids. I don't miss him when he is gone or when I am, I LOVE it when I do not have to wake up to cartoons and noise...I like mornings to be quiet so I generally stay in bed during the week when he is here and get up after they leave for school. But on the weekends he is up at 6:30-7 and even though he isn't loud until I am up, it starts immediately. He's a little kid, they really do not stop talking I swear! He is a good little boy, polite and isn't disruptive. He's just being a kid which apparently I don't always like being around kids either.

I think if you are open to it and you can find a way for it to work for you then it could be great! Only you can decide how involved you are willing to be. Honestly I probably made a lot of mistakes by going too fast, but at the time I really thought it would be ok. I read every book about stepmothering I could get my hands on, I did try but being a stepmother is just not for me so I stepped back and we have what we have now. Mostly because I just did not enjoy it. Thank god it isn't a horror story and we don't have the drama I have read about!!

Just keep communicating and stay true to who you are, I don't think I did that. take care!

“I don't think it's fair that people with so much baggage expect so much from their SOs.” AMEN! I never wanted kids because nothing about it ever appealed to me and still doesn't. My DH has two kids from his first marriage and splits custody 50/50. Even then, I feel like SD12 and SS8 are here all the damn time. I never knew how annoying it all would be. It’s one of those things that you don’t know until you know. Even though DH has them half the time, he still wants to roll out the red carpet EOW. I’m tired of kid-centric activities all the time. I could care less about going to a pumpkin patch this weekend, so I’m making an appointment at the spa for a facial so I can focus on me for once. I just had to endure several days of hell at Disney World for the precious children – I’m tired of my time being spent on crap I don’t want to do for the sake of my DH and his spawn. I'm looking into starting music lessons on Saturdays so I can be out of the house for awhile. I don't necessarily want to sacrifice the alone time he and I have on kid-free weekends, but if weekly lessons get me away from the annoying kid stuff, so be it.