Is it wrong?
Is it wrong that I want to change SD's nickname from SheSloth to her High B***hness? Seriously!! Took a peek at her phone usage just to see how bad DH is trying to get hold of her. He called once yesterday, and once so far today. Both times, you see a call to voicemail immediately after. This tells me that her High B***hness is sending his calls directly to voicemail and utterly ignoring him! Of course, it is what I would expect from her, but it doesn't cease to tick me off!! This girl and BM will be quick to take DH's money, but can't even give him the common respect of answering his calls! It isn't even like DH was a terrible dad!!! The girl got in trouble, she got punished FOR ONCE, and now she is going to ignore the man who has bent over backwards just trying to have a relationship with her for her entire life!
Sorry...just pisses me off. Never in a million years would I allow my bios to treat DH that way. He adopted them, took the time to be a father to them when theirs was too wrapped up in his own life to even acknowledge he had kids...DH didn't have to do any of that! And I bet she is going around saying that it is my fault...this I can promise!
The way the girl is acting now, I'm even more sure that I don't ever want her back in this house! I am so pissed right now, I just want to box her stuff up, pack it in my car, dump it in their driveway, and then drive off as I send her a message that her crap is outside...make it clear I don't ever want her here...not even for a visit! The girl is stuck up and ungrateful! I can't wait until DH can finally admit that to himself.
Someone made a comment to him recently that in our state, and adopted child has more rights than a natural born child. Meaning, a person can basically legally disown a natural born child, but they can do so with an adopted child.
And seriously...there has been some question over the years if this girl was even DH's. BM made the comment once that she didn't even thing her High B***hness was his...and her sleeping around was the reason they divorced. If you look at her High B***hness, she doesn't really look like anyone in DH's family. But he insisted years ago that she had to be his...and has never had a paternity test done. It would be really sad if it were true...if her High B***hness were not his, and he has spent a lifetime getting beat up by her and BM. It wouldn't surprise me in the least.
It's just frustrating! I hate seeing DH waste his time on someone who could care less about him! He would be good to just hand over that court ordered support every month and walk away until she turns 18 or graduates high school (which I high doubt the latter). I mean, seriously...at least give the man the common courtesy of answering the phone, or send a reply text...and if you don't want to talk to him, be decent enough to tell him so! Is it that difficult?
Sorry for all the
Sorry for all the typos...just really frustrated right now. And I meant that a parent CANNOT legally disown an adopted child, while they can a natural born.
I'm feeling rascally. Go into
I'm feeling rascally. Go into her room. Find something like a hair brush. Same for DH. Get the testing done yourself.
If I think this through, I realize it would be hurtful to your DH to have the proof she isn't his. Soooo I don't wanna think it through! Just want to look at the results and scream, See???!! You don't have to take this from the milkman's daughter, for crying out loud!!!!
You know, as I was typing, I
You know, as I was typing, I was thinking the same thing! What if...I found some hair from her room and sent it in with DH's for a test. Almost wonder what it would cost!
It seriously would not surprise me, especially the way BM acts. I know for a fact the only reason BM sent the girl to live with us in the first place is because stepdad demanded her out of the house! You know, come to think of it, her High B***hness' little brother looks an awful lot like her at that age...and stepdad is BM's old high school fling! She did move him in right after DH moved out! Hmmmmm....seriously, I've often wondered if the guy was really her High B***hness' father rather than DH. DH and BM did only marry after BM became pregnant, because DH thought the baby his and felt obligated!
Of course, knowing the kind of person DH is, if it turned out the girl wasn't his, he would still try...simply because he went all those years thinking she was his...if that makes any sense. But yeah...it would hurt DH terribly if he found out the girl really wasn't his.
Sometimes, the way she treats him...you would swear that BM has told her something like he really isn't her father, but just play along so you still get things! Would be a cruel game to play on someone, but it is done all the time! If it weren't, there wouldn't be so many episode of Maury!
In my case, BM depends on her
In my case, BM depends on her husband for everything...she doesn't work. So yeah, when he threw a fit, she new she had to comply or risk losing her meal ticket. Then, on my side, I get guilted..."I'm her dad. She has no where to go! She just needs love and structure!" But structure is the last thing he gives her, so she does the same thing here as I tried to tell him all along he needed to be harder on her, and was told to back off. Somehow, BM managed to change her husband's mind...probably because of lies told by SD. I'm sure the way SD tells it, we are the worst people on the planet!
Of course it will be all your
Of course it will be all your fault....you are the perfect scape goat for many reasons:
1. It is easy to get BM on board with how awful you are. What better scapegoat than another woman married to her ex husband. BM will also be placed in the role of "savior" and will be able to brag that SHE took the reigns at trying to help SheSloth. Of course there will be no mention of her dumping the girl on you when she couldn't handle her.
2. Playing the victim with you in the role of aggressor will get her whatever she wants with BM, and get BM on board with excluding your DH so SheSloth can teach him a lesson. This part of the plan is already working, because every time he calls or texts it gives her more power. She wants him to grovel, and if he doesn't then she will play the victim card about how he doesn't really love her. Or better yet, that he loves YOU more than HER. Then again, no matter what he does she will do this anyway.
3. Using you as the scapegoat will also help to cut off any real communication between BM and your DH. BM will see SheSloth as a poor, helpless victim and she will not tell your DH when SheSloth's behavior is less than perfect. She will become her confidante and protector. She will get fed a story by SheSloth on how you "brainwash" her dad, etc.
So, if you think about it, SheSloth will be in a win/win situation. She will have BM covering up her behavior so that she still seems like the perfect little princess to daddy (while he continues to grovel for her attention and affection). Then, in the event that BM starts to discipline in the future SheSloth can run to daddy (who has been kept in the dark about her true behavior) and play the victim against BM. By this time, BM and your DH will have an even more strained relationship than they do now and any chance of DH listening to anything BM has to say will be nonexistent. This is a game that your DH and BM just handed over ALL the power to a child.
Oh yes, I know this scenario well, because I lived it. Pure hell, but at least she isn't living in your house full time anymore. Honestly, from experience, the best thing your DH can do is leave one final message saying the ball is in her court since she is not responding to his attempts at communication. He can communicate that he loves her, and wants to give her some space. Then, he needs to STOP. However, it sounds like he won't. I feel for you. This is not easy.
"Honestly, from experience,
"Honestly, from experience, the best thing your DH can do is leave one final message saying the ball is in her court since she is not responding to his attempts at communication. He can communicate that he loves her, and wants to give her some space. Then, he needs to STOP."
Exactly! Like you said...everytime he calls her, he gives her more power! "Look, I still have him hooked, so when I want X, all I have to do is call him, and he will fall over himself to get it for me!"
And that is exactly what she
And that is exactly what she is thinking. Yet another reason for her to blame you for her woes: you see her for who she really is, and that is dangerous. She will do whatever she can to be victimized by you in others eyes now.
I know for a fact this is
I know for a fact this is what it is. I mean, when she got in trouble for sneaking out to meet guys and got popped by the cops for curfew, she laid some story on DH that her and her friend were only going to the corner store for sodas, and didn't realize what time it was. DH bought it hook, line, and sinker! I was the one that looked at her phone records and saw the incoming call about an hour before she called DH from the police station that uncovered the fact she was really out to meet up with guys! She KNOWS I don't buy her BS.
So, yeah...she's going to play the victim, and I'm the wicked b***h of the west! Oh well!
wow. I do not envy your
wow. I do not envy your situation. Sounds like she is completely transparent to you. You know the saying...keep your friends close and your blah blah blah. The good thing about b*tches is, they get used to being treated and sought after like a queen. When the real world hits, they will get a hard dose of reality. It is funny to watch. The only thing is, hope dad is not going to feel obligated to come to her rescue when the world kicks her ass. I cannot cannot wait till my ss16 sees what happens when you make your mother #1 knowing she is deliberately playing and using another human being. You think a gf will put up with your mom having so much control over your life? Just wait, she will cross those boundaries when he tries having a gf.
These kids are being prepped for a very rude awakening. Just sit back and watch. I know youre just trying to deal with the here and now, but it will come full circle. Make sure youre there to soak it all in }:)
Oh, I feel bad for the poor
Oh, I feel bad for the poor guy who falls for her High B***hness' crap! I can see it now...she will end up pregnant, and use the child against the guy just like BM uses her against DH. For what? Money of course!! If she does marry, the guy will not only have to put up with her High B***hness, but an overbearing MIL as well, as I can see BM being all in their business always telling the guy he isn't good enough for her daughter and he needs to do more! Either he will run, or he will be one of those guys working 2-3 jobs just to keep her High B***hness in the lifestyle she wants!
Lock it up?? Nah, just cancel
Lock it up?? Nah, just cancel the cell all together. BM can pay for it now.why pay for something that SheSloth uses to torment DH?
Funny how nasty BMs seem to fool their partners with the paternity of a child. I know a gentleman in his 80s now. He had 1 child that was conceived while he was serving in Vietnam..... BM was the town bicycle but he married her anyway. This was supposedly his ONLY child. When the wife got pregnant during his 2nd tour, he divorced her. Paid child support for maybe 16 years. About 5 years ago the old wrinkled witch sees this man walking through a Walmart parking lot and pulls up, rolls the window down, and screams at him that he was a fool. That the child (now 50) wasn't his, it was actually his brother's child and how stupid of him that he paid her money each month for all of those years. Class act.
I don't say one peep to my DH about his daughter, even after he learned that his ex had an affair between child 1 and child 2. They are less than a year apart in age....... I just can't face the devastation he would feel if he found out that he'd been had.
I think DH being devastated
I think DH being devastated would be the main reason I keep my suspicions to myself...as I always wondered, especially when BM made that snide comment once, and then took it back. I do find it strange that she and her half brother look so much alike! I mean...years ago DH went on a business trip. He didn't have a picture of me handy, as those were my years of hiding from the camera, but he had pictures of all 3 kids...my two bios and his. He only told them we were a blended family...they pegged her High B***hness as the one that wasn't his, and thought my bios were his natural children! That is how little she looks like him!!!
Her High B***hness finally called DH back for about a minute! She needs stuff from our house to do tryouts for winter guard at the new school this Saturday. How she is goone to tryout not yet enrolled I don't know! DH has to pick her up on her s way home from work so she can be here just long enough to gather her thing, and then drive her back home 20 miles from our house! And they are already trying to hint at DH trying to start getting out of work early to play taxi for guard, because BM doesn't drive and the stepdad works too late!! Unbelievable! No help at all when the girl lived with us, but DH is supposed to pay child support AND find a way for the girl to be on guard there? Thankfully, DH told them hell no! He suggested that one of BM's friends who has a daughter in guard in the same school may be able to help with transportation!
And now I'm sure I'm being blamed for all this crap by BM! BM to s now suggesting instead of visits, DH come down there when her High B***hness has time to take her for dinner or ice cream, saying, "She won't have time to do any overnights!"
Seriously, IF the stepdad is
Seriously, IF the stepdad is her real bio, I wouldn't be surprised if the girl already knows, and is playing BM's game right along with her.
When BM threw out what she called "just trying to hurt him" years ago by saying that the girl was not his, DH and I did have this talk already. He is so certain that the girl is his child, he won't even consider it! That, or he is so afraid that she isn't, and he will look a fool for taking care of a child that wasn't his all this time!
It is sad to say that DH not
It is sad to say that DH not only allowed but chose to pollute his gene pool when he spawned with BM. At least your kids recognize and respect him as their adoptive father. As a non spawning dad (Step) I am proud that my son has put the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool far in his rear view mirror.
Too bad the Sloth has not done the same with her BM.
My heart does break for your DH though. Since the Sloth can't pull her head out of her own unwiped and rarely washed ass I wish he could write her off and move on rather than returning for his regular emotional beatings by the Sloth like an abused dog that rolls over for beatings by an abusive owner.
IMHO even for a parent unconditional love ends where chronic abusive,disrespectful,and toxic behavior begins in their child(ren).