Punishment different for Skid than my BD
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So sick of this sh*t...Both the girls got grounded for 7 days. Since they have differing days that they are here and the opposing parents don't keep them grounded while they have them, the days they are with those parents don't count. Since this is confusing, I PURPOSELY wrote it all out in black and white on the calendar. A$$hole husband says I counted wrong so Skid mark is ungrounded a day early. ITS IN BLACK AND WHITE. Whats a delicate way to tell DH that from now on, I discipline my kid and he disciplines his?
Good ideas, but I don't mind
Good ideas, but I don't mind being the grounded house...shows my kid I care. As for extra chores, I would love it except that SD's lazy a$$ wont even do her assigned chores that she gets allowance for more than half-a$$ed.
That is how it should be from
That is how it should be from the start. Always.
It leaves less room for resentment later on down the road.
These are exactly the things
These are exactly the things I tell my dd's when they complain or comment on the disparity between what skids get away with compared to them. Skids do NOTHING, OH cleans their rooms, never punishes (hell that would mean admitting they are less than perfect) never have to eat a "proper" meal before being allowed treats, get treats left right and centre, are rude obnoxious and bad mannered.
I just tell them "I am YOUR mother. SS and SD have their own Mum and Dad, it's MY job to raise you and teach you how to be in the world, it's THEIR parents job to do that for them. You have rules, consequences, healthy food and expectations because *I* want you to grow up to be capable, independent, considerate, disciplined, happy (etc) and the way for me to teach you this is to instil those things in you NOW. How do you think a boss would react if you didn't do the job you were being paid to do?"
(they usually answer with something like you'd get sacked, not get paid, the boss would be mad)
Right. And what should a "good" employee do? Their job. To the best of their ability.
What is SD going to do when the boss asks her to do some task that she can't do (eg when OH was doing her homework for her and DD11 said "mum you NEVER do mine!!") She can't run and ask daddy, she can't take daddy to work with her for the "hard" jobs! Wouldn't you rather be capable of figuring out how to do something for yourself than always having someone "rescue" you?
Who is going to get further in the world, the child who has been taught how to get along in the world or the child who has been given the free pass all through their childhood?
(we have had many of these conversations, and now my girls at ages 12 and 9 can SEE it for what it is, and they do feel sorry for the skids that they aren't being raised to be capable adults)
I am the eldest of 3 boys by
I am the eldest of 3 boys by 6 and 8 years respectively. My little bro's got away with murder compared to me.
When I was in my mid teens I started calling my parents on it. "When are going to kill him? You would have scalped me for being lippy like that." My parents were very strict with all of their boys but as the experiment/parental learning experience child back talking and being lippy was very different when applied to me than when it was applied to my little bros 6 & 8 years later. Mom and dad were consistent with the lessons of honesty, accountability, work ethic, character, etc.. but let us all be the different people that we were and are.
My dad's response to my calling them on the change in standards...... "Your brothers owe you a great debt for teaching your mom and I how to be parents. You should be proud that you taught us how to do it right with them." Dad is a smart ass. Gotta love the man. He truly is awesome. So is my amazing mother.
My brothers and I definately won the parent lottery. It sounds as if your kids did too.