Contempt for extra-curriculars
BM sent an email insinuating she is filing with the courts to hold DH in contempt of court. For what, you ask? For enrolling them in a dance class .. on his time, at his cost.
Keep in mind, she is actually court-ordered to enroll both skids in a fall activity. Only one of them (SD7) has been enrolled so far (in karate). She's looking at enrolling SD8 in the same one (2 weeks late). DH has no obligation (financial or otherwise) to enroll them in anything until spring.
I think she's mad that he didn't tell her. He admits (to me) he probably should have in case BM wanted to show up, but there's a few other facts to keep in mind. He has enrolled the kids in an activity every season for the last 18 months. Some are sports based, some are just art lessons. He has always informed BM and she has never attended a single one OR brought kids to the activity when it falls on her time. Also, the dance lessons are 45 minutes and are closed to parents (we wait outside in the waiting room).
This is all in anticipation of court ramping up in Dec (completely different story - she filed a contempt charge on DH because SD8 broke her arm and he wouldn't let BM pick the skids up early). But man oh man are the BS and lies flying now!
They went through a whole big
They went through a whole big back and forth war over enrolling skids in activities. BM was enrolling skids in anything and everything as a means to intrude on DH's time .. saying kids weren't available to him because of "previously scheduled activities". She was intentionally picking things that ONLY fell on DH's time, but occurred in her neighborhood (45 miles away), then accusing him of preventing them from participating in extra-curricular and enrichment activities. DH would not agree to take them, and would instead enroll in comparable things closer to our house (where skids spend the whole weekend and was actually manageable for him). It was a mess; acting like petty children arguing and wasting a whole ton of money in the process.
They ultimately agreed in their parenting agreement that each parent would enroll skids in one activity per year that would become priority (ie, parents need to make a reasonable effort to get skids there so they can participate, even if games fall on their time, etc). BM got fall, DH got spring.
They're already going to
They're already going to court in Dec. I think she's just trying to stockpile all this "documentation" to paint a bad picture of DH. I don't believe she will actually file any type of contempt charge specifically on this issue. She just sends her long ranting emails "explaining" to him why he's in violation of the agreement.
Let's not forget that SD7 missed one karate lesson (which I think is really her "basis" for contempt). She is ignoring the fact that when enrolled in his spring activity back in Feb/March, BOTH skids missed 2 activities because they fell on BM's time and she didn't take them. DH did not even bring it up with her at the time, because it's seriously just not THAT big of a deal. When he pointed that out, she accused him of just being argumentative and not effectively co-parenting :?
I hope so. She seems to
I hope so. She seems to believe whole-heartedly that the judge will agree with her and will slam DH.
I don't expect much from the judge. DH has countered her motion for contempt with a motion for custody modification based on all the fighting and withholding she does of his time. I expect nothing more than the judge telling them to work together and dismissing the whole lot.
even if that happens, DH will be looking at a child support modification. BM got a bonus she hid from him as well as a raise recently.
He's been very good at
He's been very good at keeping his emails minimal and strictly "business". He does slip on occasion, but it's nothing like her ranting paragraphs.
We have a very well organized documentation binder; last time they went to their parent coordinator, she showed up with two [incomplete] emails in an Angry Birds folder.
In her last email she
In her last email she actually said, and I quote, "I guess I am glad that they doing something they might enjoy even if it 45 minutes not spent with you during the extremely limited time they have."
Ugh .. how terrible I am
Ugh .. how terrible
I am thankful (sometimes) that BM is not drug addicted; only for the skids' sake. I can't imagine the hell that has to rain down on you guys.
Oh yes. The Sperm Clan would
Oh yes. The Sperm Clan would gnash their teeth whenever the Skid did an extracurricular. "Are we going to have to pay for that???". Umm, no. The judge made it clear when he issued the CO clarification that CS is your sole obligation to support the SKid other than your half of medical costs not covered by insurance. RTFCO!!!! Idiots.
Eventually they started taking credit for the Skid's extracurricular activities. "Our CS pays for that you know. It is not fair that your younger sister and brothers (the SPerm Idiots three younger also out of wedlock spawn by 2 more baby mamas) can't do those things." Sure you paid for it all. That whopping $110/mo you pay in CS covers a shit ton of stuff like extracurriculars, the Skids food, clothes, transportation, medical care, housing, band instruments, etc.....
Eventually we did start mandating when they would take their 5 week summer visitation so that the Skid could go on summer school trips, etc..... They did not like that one bit but we gave them no choice. "Tough shit. Take your time when we tell you or don't take it at all. If you don't like it we will see you in court." They did not have the resources to fight about it in court and they were extremely gun shy about court. Every time they filed to lower CS or for custody, or for any other bullshit motion, they got smacked by the Judge and their CS went up.
I am glad our story is
I am glad our story is inspiring. We did not win them all, though we were usually firmly in control there was still a bunch of toxic crap to deal with regarding the Sperm Clan, but my bride and I were committed to protecting the best interests of our kid (my SS) from the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool, from the idiot bottom 10%ers of the legal profession who seem to end up on the family law bench, and from the idiot minions who seem to staff the CPS, CSE, etc.... And we even threw them a bone upon occasion when we were just tired of the constant tension and toxic crap. However, when we threw them a bone we made sure they knew it was at our discretion and that if they pushed it we would bring the pain again fast and hard. Of course each time we threw them a bone they took it as weakness on our part and power on theirs so the respite was usually short and the rebound very unpleasant even for us. We would have much preferred for them to be reasonable and work with us. But we all know the adage about wishing in one hand and .........
Since the kid aged out from under the CO a bit more than 4 years ago the lack of drama in our lives has been a notable change to the 17+ years under the CO. Instead of the constant battle the only Sperm Clan activity we have is when the kid calls to get our advice on how to deal with their notably weakened attempts to manipulate him. Fortunately as a young Airman in the USAF he can easily and for the most part truthfully play the “Grandma, I don’t have any money to send to you to help feed the kids. Shouldn’t dad be supporting them rather than you and Grandpa?”
I agree .. I think it's
I agree .. I think it's absolutely insane. it's big industry though .. lots of money to be made in the courts, lawyers, mediators, coordinators, etc .. so is there real incentive to put the crap to an end? Probably not. For every twisted, delusional bio parent out there who wants to make their ex's life hell, there is an attorney happy to collect fees to do so.
Usually when people in my real life hear stories about her, they usually say something along the lines of "She must not have a job to have all this time on her hands" or "She must still really not be over the divorce".
Not only does she have a full time job, but she is remarried with another baby. Yet, she doesn't seem like a happy person to me at all.