AT THE END OF MY ROPE WITH BM!!!!!
Don't know where to start. Do any of you ever feel like being a step-parent is having obligations (financial and otherwise) with no rights! BM calls the shots with schedules, $, and now even discipline in our home.
SS tells his mom how DH disciplines him and BM calls to rant and rave. The next week, she is calling to say she cannot handle SS and he needs to live with us. She is not employed, remarried and is a stay at home mother. DH pays CS, all medical insurance and she recently asked to have more of a 50/50 schedule while wanting to keep the CS as is.
DH recently went to court office for assistance with filing for a modification but was basically told there is nothing we can do. They even took my income into consideration as far as our hh income. She changes schedules when she sees fit, curses out DH (in the presence of children), claims she is a Christian mother and that DH is a deadbeat father. I know this is long, but I feel like I don't get to have a life. There are things that I can't do for myself (including having a bio child of my own due to all this). Please help! Need some support and encouragement.
DH only sees his children's struggle and not mine.
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You said it.
"Do any of you ever feel like being a step-parent is having obligations (financial and otherwise) with no rights! "
Yep. That's what it is basically. We love, nurture, cloth, feed, and pay for the childs existance but have basically no rights when it comes to the child.
She should have no say in how the child is disciplined in your home. I went through that to, but DH told her in no uncertain terms, SD will follow the rules of this house and yes they are my rules. She will follow them because he lives with me and this is his home and BM's rules for her home won't interfer with the rules of this home. Period. I don't care how much she likes it. I won't let my kids eat anywhere but the kitchen. My house stays clean and carpet fresh. BM lets her kids eat anywhere they please, and SD leaves food, trash, stains all over the house. Not gonna happen here. SD and BM threw a huge fit over this in the beginning. Guess where she eats when here? Kitchen.
You make your rules for your house and don't worry about what any of them think. DH also for that matter. You're the lady of the house and that means if you don't want a kid to eat in the living room they aren't gonna!
The schedule changes, cursing at DH, calling him a deadbeat in front of the kids, welcome to the world of Step parenting. It's not right that she does any of this, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. If the court isn't going to help you the only advice I can give you is: Disengage.
Do not let this woman ruin your happy life. She controls nothing in your life, don't forget that. You do. You are in control of your own happiness. Our BM acts nuts to, sure sometimes it gets under my skin. It really does. But the longer I go on my step mom walk the more I am able to just not give a damn what the BM thinks, wants, or says.
Some things have to be done. C/S paid, medical, stuff like that. As far as the rest of it......don't sweat the small stuff and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Why in the hell would your
Why in the hell would your income be included in his child support obligation? I've never heard of that. I would not give a DAMN if she likes my house rules or not, it ain't her house. And if custody changes, so does child support! I wouldn't take SS any more of the time until she is willing to lower cs! She wants to have her cake and eat it too...I'd say no way.
Take control
Your DH needs to quit entertaining the BM with her calls and all her BS. We have gone through this too and it was always something. The BM lives 3 states away but was always ruining our day with constant phone calls about this and that. I would stick the the 50/50 unless she wants to cut back on her CS but it sounds like she just wants to sit on her ass. FH should start telling her to email him and if it is directly regarded to SS he should answer and not even acknowledge all the BS she is dishing out. If she calls about something only related to SS then he could speak briefly cuz there is not need to stay on the phone he should then hang up. As I said in another post these guys need to quit entertaining the BM.
Yeah, didn't you know.......
Isn't that what we signed up for? :sick: If any of us truly knew you really have to wonder if we would do it all again. I love my husband and SS's but sometimes I just want to throw my hands up!
Dani, Why cant you have a
Dani,
Why cant you have a child?? there will never be a good time. I say have a child of your own. One that you can have a say in. One that you can raise the way YOU want to raise that child.
As for her BS and the court. I would have DH consult a lawyer. I do not think its right that your income is factored into HIS support. I would quit my job before I ever contributed money to my skids household.. the bm doesnt spend the money on them, and I refuse to work so that she can sit on her fat @ss all day long.
OMG, I am so angry for you.
Thanks for the suport...
We cannot have a child for a few reasons which makes all this drama so much harder for me. My dr. told me I have fertility issues and will need to try fertility drugs. At the same time, financially, we cannot afford to pay CS and have a baby. I would not be able to cut back on work hours or ever stay at home myself. I know we need to get an attorney, but that in itself is very costly. Some days, I just want to throw my hands up in the air. I am 32 years old going on 33 and I long for a child of my own. I almost feel at times like I gave that up the day I got married. Glad to know there are others out there who go through similar struggles and I'm not alone or crazy. Thank you so much for your response.