Tired of being the proactive parent
Sks live with DH and I, see BM EOWE. She has lost visitation rights in the past, but she has them again. Since day 1 with DH, when the kids were 4 and 5, I told him they needed therapy. Over the years they have seen many therapists, but since they have joint legal BM has to sign off. They would see someone and then she'd go batty and call and yell and threaten the docs until they wouldnt see the kids any more. Over 7 years there have been I think 4 or 5 different doctors. We finally, in court, were appointed a mediator who can mandate therapy for the kids. Since then they have had one counselor. This doc wanted the kids to get psych evals bc she felt there were more issues going on than just general divorce stuff. It took 8 months for BM to finally be ok with it (and 5 different appts with diff docs that we had to cancel bc she changed her mind. even threatened another doctor) Anyway we finally got her to sign off after we agreed to pay it in full ($$2,000 for testing!) Anyway, they did come back with the diagnosis that we thought. Since then I set up the 504/iep meeting with school, I contacted the old counselor, doctor who tested, and the mediator to try to find a new therapist who specializes in the diagnosis. I set an appt, I had to cancel it bc it didn't work with the kids schedule. now there is a doc that everyone wants us to use who has a 2 year wait list (!) but we are getting in bc these other professionals are pulling strings. Anyway this doc is trying to get us scheduled and I finally told DH he had to do it. I dont have the time, and he needs to be the one.
BM could care less, all she wants to do is be a road block bc she thinks the kids dont have any issues. Really she just doesnt want to have to pay. Dh is super busy, he really is, but I am too. The real issue is all these people call ME, and I work with them professionally. So if we drop the ball, it looks bad on me. I'm just tired of being the proactive parent in all of this! Why does their own mother not give a shit?! Why can't DH take care of it?!
I literally am throwing in the towel on this one. When the lady professionally see asks why we didnt follow through, when everyone was pulling strings, I'm just going to say "a step parent can only do so much."
Oh, I'm so sorry you're going
Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through this! Sounds like you got caught up in the trap a lot of sparents fall into in the beginning - you did your utmost to do the best thing for the kids. The trouble, as you see now, is that a step parent cannot care more than the bio parents. You just can't, it's crazy making.
That's total crap that it might affect you professionally as well, and your DH deserves a slap upside the head if he can't MAKE time to deal with his children's medical issues. I don't care HOW busy he is - as a parent, your primary responsibility is the healthy and safety of your children. If your DH isn't dealing with that, then he's failing, bottom line.
But it's still time for you to back off. You're reaching the boiling point - from here it just starts to affect your relationship with the kids AND with your DH, and not for the better. I know you've been trying to help, but what you've actually been doing is enabling your DH to NOT parent. You know the expression "if you give a man a fish"? You need to STOP just handing out the fish and teach your DH to handle it his own damn self. He will NEVER learn if you keep doing it for him.
So tell DH you're done. It's on him to get the kids the help they need - and they DESERVE that from their father. Good luck, I hope your DH gets on the ball!!
" Don't listen to anyone who
" Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you overstepped there"
Ah, sorry, did I seem to imply that? I TOTALLY didn't mean to!! No, I don't think you overstepped, in NO WAY do I think you were out of line. I do think that since you seemed willing to handle it that it sort of got dumped on you, when your DH should have taken what you'd already done and run with it. It's more that I think you and your willingness to help were taken advantage of, or at least taken for granted, than I do that you did more than you should.
Sorry if that came across wrong in my post, I didn't mean it!!
I finally had to stop myself.
I finally had to stop myself. BM would set up appts and then flake out. DSO and I work, I help with my grandkids on my days off and BM does nothing.
If I don't set up the apt, I do nothing to help facilitate it.
I'm giving up on trying to
I'm giving up on trying to reason with DH and BM. Nearly every issue I bring up trying to be proactive in SK developing healthy relationships is dismissed. I have been pushing hard to get actual birth parents to recognize SS's social deficiencies. Virtually no peer relationships, dependent upon parents to provide any stimulation, only interacts with adults. He never ever talks about any peers. He goes to school, tennis, played baseball, summer tennis camp, band at school - has to have met innumerable kids his age. Mom got him tickets to Grand Prix so DH can take him and a friend. SS asked last weekend if it would be weird to invite one of his teachers... YES - weird!!! And still DH keeps him busy most of the time he is with us instead of getting SS to make his own plans with peers. I know his mom doesn't encourage it much - she virtually "dates" SS when she's single - spends too much time with him- needs to be needed. This last weekend SS (who lied to my face about having a report on summer reading and had makeup report due from weeks overdue assignment) spent Fri going out to eat with us, Sat dove hunting with DH, and Sun going to flea market with his uncle.