Why arent you friends?- age appropriate
What is an adequate answer for sks about why you are not friendly with their bioparent? I haven't been asked this, but I was talking with someone about those "fantasy" step families where everyone is all friendly and such, and I started wondering- What would I say if the sks asked me this? I doubt they will any time soon, as BM talks hellacious shit on Dh and I (sks tell us), and none of the parents even speak at exchanges.
Before anyone jumps me, let me say that from the very beginning I have offered to talk/be friendly with BM. From her making fake online profiles pretending to be DH to the court hearings putting her on supervised visits for nearly killing SD, I have been nothing but open and there. She just hates that she "had her kids taken" from her when DH won residential custody.
Anyway... What have you said when asked this? Has anyone been asked?
I have told my SD that her
I have told my SD that her mom has done some things that make it hard for me to be her friend. It doesn't matter if we are friends and your mom and I love you that is all that matters. I took this cue from my DH. When SD asked DH if he will always love her mom because she is her mom he said no. That was a shock for her to hear, but it was the truth. I can't remember exactly what was said except that there was a time they were in love with each other and he will always be grateful they were then because SD is hear now.
LMFAO!!!! mine would never
LMFAO!!!!
mine would never ask either. they simply know her and know me, and know that we're waaaaay too different.
My SD is only 6 and hasn't
My SD is only 6 and hasn't asked me. However, she must sense that her mom is the problem because when I use to talk to BM occasionally - she told me that SD had asked her why she didn't like "daddy & Queen".
She has never asked DH or I anything like this. Probably because she sees BM yelling at DH all the time but never sees DH raise his voice or even respond to BM.
My SDs have asked me that
My SDs have asked me that before when they were younger. I said, "We are just very different people. We both love you and that's what matters."
SD22 never asked. Even at a
SD22 never asked. Even at a young age, she knew there was "something" about her mother. Every single time DH picked up and dropped off SD, BM made a scene. And BM had told SD lies about me so she had no reason to think I would be friendly to BM. 'Cuz, ya know, I was that bitch who stole her daddy.
BM does this as well, causes
BM does this as well, causes a scene every single time there's a pick up or drop off. Last time it was because SD was 'dirty'. She had been outside playing. She's 6. She always makes negative comments about SD's appearance when she comes from our house, not realizing that it doesn't hurt us at all but it does hurt SDs feelings because a lot of times after church we let her pick out her own clothes just to hang out around the house in & send her back in those plus with the clothes that came from BMs house. It's never outrageous, it's just jeans and a t-shirt usually.
I told my SS that I do not
I told my SS that I do not know his father, therefore I cannot be friends with him. Sure, I will act nice and be polite with him, but I highly doubt we will ever become friends. But just because we are not friends doesn't mean either of us care for SS any less. I told this to SS when he was around 7 or 8.
I tell my SD the truth. It
I tell my SD the truth. It may not be appropriate but I don't care. She asked me one time "why don't you like my mom" & I said because she's a lazy bum or something equivalent to that. I don't come out and say things about BM but if SD asks, I will tell her the truth. I have found that when I handle it any other way, it causes SD to put BM on an undeserved pedestal. She might not like everything I have to say, but at least she will always know she can get the truth from me! }:)