it has taken me twenty years to figure out i am in a relationship with a man with npd. i know some of you remarked on this but i know what i know.

until skids were 18 they lived with bm out of state. we married when sds were still in preschool. in short bm left to marry her lover (who was also married) when skids were still in nappies while dh was away in the military. i dont think he has ever gotten over that. over the years bm jerked him about with visitation while sds learned to love their sf more than their own father.

here is the issue: dh is an npd. he meets all of the diagnostic criteria and i know how he behaves with me. he either loves me or hates me. there is nothing in between. npds thrive on adoration and warship. it feeds their egos. when a normal everyday non-perfect person eventually does not worship them day after day, the npd gets easily enraged. that is what my dh does. if one thing sets him off (housekeeping not to his standards or timetable, meals not ready, etc) he is threatening to divorce me and raging. in the past he used to throw objects and kick in doors, and call me names until he now is afraid this will happen in the sds love relationships and marriages, which are things he cannot control. he is now terrified that either of the sds will marry a man like himself, and he loves them obsessively. (they are two mini wifes.) bm is also unstable and possibly borderline.

this is my current situation. there are currently issues in my life that prevent acting right now, but the way i see it is this:

the npd thrives on worship. he will find it where he can from a spouse, a mistress or his daughters. (the latter two can be combined.) when the npd is not getting his fix from his spouse, he will get his fix elsewhere from a mistress or his children. in my case it is from the sds. they used to treat him like trash when they lived with bm. since they lived in another town he would call them every week to talk and if he was not getting them what they wanted (new bicycle, cell phone, etc) they would refuse to take his calls. he would then leave a humiliating, begging message for them to call. fast forward. now the skids were kicked out of bms house with no support after high school and they moved to our town. now they fawn after him to the point of nausea. you can tell by the sweet talk on the phone. they provide the npd fix that dh craves. he glows like a young man with a new girlfriend after he talks to them on the phone. (sds are adults and one is going to be married.)

dealing with a mistress wont be too much more effort since i am already dealing with two of them.