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as year after conscious disengaging

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Mon, 04/02/2018 - 3:11pm

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Disengaging

i have been disengaged for a long time, but last year i put it in my head to do so consciously.

every time i come across something i know the skids would like, i make the conscious effort not to buy it for them.

in the past i did with gifts of clothing handbags sports equipment etc only to be repaid with catty bitchiness.  bm hardly ever talks to the skids or buys them anything (dad is an open wallet) but its all about her.

i am happy i have saved my sanity and money.  i smile to myself about what i didnt buy for those ingrates.

Tsweets's picture

Submitted by Tsweets on Tue, 04/03/2018 - 11:36am

My ss is 7 and I told hubby I was disengaging because I just couldnt take it anymore. Idk how I actually expected him to feel after telling him his son irks my entire soul, but I figured honesty was the best policy..maybe not? Im dealing with my own personal guilt over this, the guilt my hubby makes me feel for not being "engaged" on top of having to deal with this child for prolonged periods of time. I'm completely lost and I cant say disengaging is making me feel any better. I'm so close to calling it quits because my feelings about this child are driving me insane to the point of wanting to end my relationship. ugh

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Thu, 04/05/2018 - 10:05pm

For 30+ years I did it all.  For the past 8 years, NOT.

Believe me, they believe me to be the evil SM; but on the other side of the coin, they know who did all the work and time into handmade gifts, etc.  I'm still the evil SM for disengaging and giving up the bad treatment I was letting myself in for.

I have no problem living up to the label.  My SD57 has played the sweet, innocent daughter, and I have always been mean to her.  Ok, now she knows it's true.  LOL  

My DH knows the real truth, but he will never admit it.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Sat, 04/07/2018 - 7:40am

Think of all the money you are saving...and, the emotion, more importantly.  In our situations, nothing is appreciated by anybody.  Most of us start out thinking if we do all this- maybe we can be included as "family."  We quickly learn (if dealing with this dynamic), it makes absolutely no difference how gracious and giving we are to any of them.  If you are one of those lucky wives, like me, the sooner you realize what you are dealing with the better; not to mentionall the money, time and emotion you save.  My only regret is that I did not catch on sooner to the thankless, hopeless mess....