Going easier on the step kids than bios.
Just interested in knowing whether any of you treat your skids differently from your bios? Give them more leeway due to messed up upbringing?
I have 4 kids, 3 of which are grown up and then an 18month old with SO. He plays more the disciplinarian with our baby than with SS. He says this is because of a few reasons and he's working to change that, and he doesn't feel close to SS and is with DD but is also scared he'll not want to come over any more.
It drives me crazy that they are treated differently, especially as she is disciplined more as a baby than an 8 year old (if you can call teaching a baby firmly discipline?!). I think he's tougher on the little one than his son.
Is this normal? I have treated mine all the same.
Why do they do this?
Would be interested in your stories.
I guess he cares more about
I guess he cares more about your kid together than his kids with BM. It's a good thing. He has your support, he does not have BM's support, it's obvious and very sad for the skids. Maybe the skids can learn from their hour her sibling.
my mother in law (acting
my mother in law (acting mother to my SD9) did the same thing with my SD and BD. before my BD could even really talk much, she was trying but would only say a few words, my MIL would try to make my BD say please. Granted I like that she was wanting to teach my BD manners it wasn't fair that she expected this of my baby who wasn't really even talking yet, but my then 6 year old SD would just grunt and she would hand her whatever without expecting her to even ask for whatever it was let alone use her manners. I said how about you work on the one who can talk using her manners before you demand it out of the one who cant. sis will know her manners growing up but I want her to say it when she's ready. That put an end to that.
My husband is a little that
My husband is a little that way. I tell him he needs to be a better parent so he cracks down on our 16 month old instead of his 6 year old who needs it more.
But it is a good thing in the end if your husband parents your own children better.
I agree on it being better
I agree on it being better for her as she will grow up having manners. What worries me is is that DD will see it as unfair treatment when she sees her brother getting away with poor behaviour and she doesn't. Difficult one!
I also have SO's family fawn all over SS but not give much care for her.
Step family dynamics are so complicated...
I won't parent SS any more,
I won't parent SS any more, although SO wants me to - but after being accused of picking on him that was the final straw. I meant more go easier on Step kids because Husbands/wives refuse to parent. Treating children differently. I hate that with a passion...
Dads are usually like that
Dads are usually like that when they rarely see the kids. My DH only sees his kids every so often so doesn't want to be yelling at them for that limited time (this is what he says). Our bio kid is still an infant so we'll see what happens. I would personally be harder on my own kids than he is. His kids can be terrors at time, and I would NEVER let my child behave as they do.
We have SS 2-3 nights a week,
We have SS 2-3 nights a week, so it's certainly not that and SS has improved a lot over the last year.
I'm harder on mine than he is his son and I'd like to treat SS the same. Surely they would prefer to be treated the same?!
I agree with the posters that
I agree with the posters that say the dad does this out of
natural laziness (b) guilt to skids. I agree they do better when parenting with us, because we set the tone it seems from this site and are parenting-oriented. I don't agree it is good because the skid then sees us as evil and punitive, and the daddy often follows suit.