Very tired and a bit frustrated
I have a SD 5 and DH. For the past 2 years I've been working my butt off trying to build a bond with this girl. Buying her things, taking her places, babysitting, baking with her, playing games etc. At times she was nice at other times very rejecting and extremely possessive over her father. One thing that bugs the hell out of me is she lays in our bed in between us till 10pm at night and im not allowed to touch my husband. This happens every weekend.
We have her 3 weekends a month with extra days whenever there is a holiday or he has a day off. Which is usually twice a month. I recently gave birth to a son almost a month ago. During my pregnancy I was told by SD to stay away from her daddy, the day I went into labor she called me ugly and right after I gave birth FIL brought her to see the baby. In the course of 5 minutes being there she tried to jump on DH and when he wouldn't give her attention she sat down with FIL and told him she wanted to leave. He took her to mini golf. This is not all shes said and done. Just examples
DH took off for 2 weeks to be home with me and the baby BM had already picked her weekend for the month and it happened to be the weekend after the weekend we brought him home. DH asked if it was ok to have SD over for an extra day I was not crazy about that seeing as if we just brought the baby home but since BM had her the weekend after I said fine.
The whole weekend she was jumping all over furniture begging for everyones attention. Jumping on the couch while any of us were holding the baby. She asked if she could touch him I said it was fine and she wound up pulling his leg and from Thursday afternoon to Sunday night had 3 crying fits for no reason. By Sunday because she would not leave the baby and DH alone I took him upstairs closed the door and told him I wanted privacy.
The next week I was looking forward to getting into a routine and just one week alone with DH and the baby and BM wanted us to take her Friday night on her weekend. I flipped and said no. That was her weekend with her daughter. We take her on her parenting time all the time. When DH got on the phone with her and said not this weekend she had a fit. I'm so horrible for wanting one weekend alone with my newborn when it was her weekend no less. This weekend we had her an extra day because of the holiday and it was the same as before. Laying in between me and my.husband on the bed touching the baby and not washing her hands and jumping all over the place by day 3 I loose my patients. Told him I wanted my bed back and for SD to stop being so touchy and hyper around the baby. By the end of the weekend I'm exhausted I can't watch them both all the time I don't even have time to breast pump milk on on the weekends because she doesn't stop and my 1st priority is too protect him.
I have to tell him to take her out to get some peace. She wont sit in her room and watch a movie and forces DH to go in an isolated area with her because she needs his attention. Look I know that this is DHs fault and not the kid and I've yelled at him not her but geez I have made so many sacrifices for DH and SD bad enough ill never have any other children and when she's here I don't have a husband. Dealing with BMs mood swings (she used to pull this crap when I was pregnant too putting me in a wonderful mood told my DH her and her daughter should come before me and the baby) I know this is the choice I made getting married to him but when is enough enough?
I do hope its a phase but yes
I do hope its a phase but yes she was like this before the baby before I was pregnant. Laying in our bed every time we would hug she would try to get in between us. Jumping on him telling me her daddy belongs to her "mine mine mine" I would just brush it off and go in another room.
Long story but doctors told
Long story but doctors told me I couldn't get pregnant without medication turns out I didn't needs medication it just happened I call him my miracle baby because I also almost miscarried. Being a mom was something I always wanted and I do love DH and had hoped wed be a family but I look at her and don't feel like shes my family. He does try to disciple her but in my opinion not enough and he does fight with BM in my honor but his daughter has a lot of power over him and I refuse to look at my child and marriage as source of power. Its BMs specialty.
Sounds like a mini-wife in
Sounds like a mini-wife in the making. Best to nip it in the bud NOW.
It is normal behavior when a
It is normal behavior when a infant arrives. Don't worry so much about washing of hands. It's actually good if a baby get exposed as it stirs its immune system into strengthening. By giving the baby breast milk you're imparting a lot of your immune system qualities to the baby protecting it until its own immune system is going full time. Keep feeding breast milk as long as possible, several years I believe is recommended - check it out on-line.
Ask Daddy to start breaking the kids habit of sleeping with you two by immediately putting her in her own bed and sitting there until she goes to sleep. Tell Daddy this part of her life is over and he's to return her to bed every time she attempts to join you two. Even if he has to stay with her again and again until she goes to sleep. Most parents would tire of this quite quickly and tell the kid to grow up and fall asleep alone.
He's fighting the fears all non-custodial fathers have that he will drive the kid away and not visit any longer. She's a little young to use that gambit but it'll come along in good time so do be understanding of that also. But definitely she's old enough to stay in her own room.
She does sleep in her own
She does sleep in her own room but she needs to be all over daddy till she goes to bed and I have a major problem with her laying in between us while I'm on the edge of the bed and cant cuddle with my own husband till she goes to sleep and with middle of the night feedings I can't have her in my bed till 10pm it needs to be like 8 or 830 and she has a tv in there she can watch a movie before bed.
The problem is and I don't want to sound mean but shes been coddled and spoiled by every one since day one and she can't cope with daddy giving affection to me or the baby. She does and says rude things and the inlaws think its cute. DH Has only recently (the past few months) been disciplining but he needs to try new tactics like time out or go to bed early without tv. But he is ridden with guilt and its very hard for me to handle at times because I feel weird shes just a little girl but its going to get worse.
Also yes breast feeding does have good benefits I do it when I can but I supplement with formula because I don't produce enough for him. He drinks 4 to 5 ounces per feeding.
Oh I do definitely. I chase
Oh I do definitely. I chase her around with the hand sanitizer because like I said before she's all over the place is aggressive and doesn't stop but It gets difficult trying to do what I need to do to feed him and have to watch every thing she does. The baby is only 3 weeks. One month on the 10th. Ill be keeping him with me from now on and I'm going to make DH take her out for lunch or whatever that way they can.spend quality time and I can do what I have to do.
No this is wrong. You three
No this is wrong. You three are supposed to be bonding right now. You, Dad and Baby. This needs to end. Stop bending over backwards for these people. This is YOUR baby and YOUR time with YOUR husband. If no one else likes it, fuck em.
She needs to go to daycare or grandma's during the day until you are off maternity leave. This should have been scheduled BEFORE you had the baby. You should not be chasing a toddler, that ISNT YOURS, around while you are postpartum.
As for the co-sortof-sleeping whatever, that should not have even started much less still be happening.
I feel that way too but in
I feel that way too but in his mind were all a family me baby sd and him but like I said before I due to the history and her mini wife behavior and jealousy I don't feel bonded to her nor do I feel like shes family. I can't avoid her being here on the weekends its DHs court appointed time plus he wants all he can get. Its the extra days that get exhausting. The weekend that just past was unavoidable because this year he has her every holiday next year BM has the holidays but im confident shell try to pawn her off on us for a few of them. The extra day he had her 2 days after we got home from the hospital pissed me off and the fact that BM wanted us to take her on her weekend made me livid and he was more than happy to take her. But its that daddy guilt and im so sick of forcing him to give me the time alone I deserve. Shes my sons sister and I do want them to bond but I want my time too. She started school this week so maybe things will be less hectic. Sometimes it feels like SD means more to him than me and our son. Could be its because shes not with him every day but she gets all his free days and those days for me are stressful and exhausting. I would like for him once to say im off tomorrow from work I want to spend the day with you but its always I'm keeping SD for an extra day and that's yet another day I cant relax and cuddle with my husband. And thats also another day my son has a half assed father because SD cant be by herself for 2 seconds.
I used to not say anything
I used to not say anything because I know how much he wants to be with her but now that I have the baby and im sleep deprived and just want to lay in bed with my husband im done with the 10 pm crap. I don't want a husband I spend 15 minutes with on the weekends and then pass out because he needs to coddle his daughter.
If he had it his way he'd eliminate BM from the picture and have her full time but funny thing is he can't handle her he needs other people to step in and help either me or my mother. He needs a mother figure for her and I think hes with me partly because I'm patient and decent with kids. So he chose me for her as well as himself. That urks me a bit.
Just wait until she's 19.
Just wait until she's 19. And pray that BM stays on planet Earth. LOL
~ Moon