BM planning to ignore court order
BM contacted DH a week or so ago asking if he has any objections to her choosing a week for summer 2015 now. He asked for a couple days to think about it; then said that he does object to it. Per the decree, since he is the non-custodial parent, he gets to choose 3 weeks of the summer, and submit those dates to her by March or May 1, I can't remember the month. We usually have our summer planned out in December or January, and so she never has to wait that long to plan her 2 weeks.
He is a military reservist and also holds an important position within the military for his regular job and cannot take time off whenever he would like, so we take those dates/factors into account, among others, while planning (also, we don't get next years military schedule until next month). When he told her that he can't commit to any dates right now, she threw a fit (no surprise). She said that since she tried to compromise with him (she did not), and that it didn't work, that she is going to put this week on the calendar; regardless of what the court order says.
We are not against the vacation or anything (she thinks we are), but the arrangement is written this way for a reason; DH barely gets any time with his kids and we need to plan carefully to make the most of the time he does have.
If this goes on far enough, and the week she chose ends up being one of the weeks he would like to have the kids and she tries to keep them, she would obviously be in contempt. She is paying ahead for a vacation during this time, and he has warned her that it is unwise to do so. How do you all think we should handle this situation?
Wait and see if there is
Wait and see if there is actually a conflict. He's said no, maybe he should recap her request in a email and repeat that answer. Then lets wait to see if there actually is a problem.
If she has played by the
If she has played by the rules in the past, then I say let this one go. If she asking this far in advance, it may be a special trip (family reunion, special cruise...)that she can't change.
If this is a reoccurring theme with her, then stick to the court order.
I'm so happy DF's court order has the summer schedule detailed down to the date and time. I'm a planner. I have our trips book a year in advance. Then I spend the year planning and looking for discounts.
It would drive me insane to have to wait until the spring for the other parent to decide what weeks they wanted for the coming summer. :jawdrop:
our BM ignores the order all
our BM ignores the order all the time.
she just took SD on a 10 day vacation that my fiance objected to (for other legit reasons) when she's only allowed 7 days. she used the whole "but ive already paid for it" and her lawyer threatened court, filed motions, etc.
just not worth it.
Thank you for the advice.
Thank you for the advice. She has responded saying that she has now booked the trip (despite DH saying that can't agree to it yet) and that her attorney advised her to go ahead. Her attorney is always trying to get her to go back to court and she is an idiot for not realizing it, but so be it. We just got the dates but we wont know if they are an issue for another month or two when we have all DH's work and military dates for next year. This woman is a trip. She says everything is for the kids but really she could have planned this exact same trip in a few months; it just saves HER money (probably child support money she received from DH, whatever) to book now.
I do have another question...if we show up to pick up the kids and they are gone, is there a way to document that with police record, even if they are not home?
Those are good ideas, thanks.
Those are good ideas, thanks. One one hand, I hope the week she chose doesn't affect our summer planning. On the other hand, she is constantly trying to push around DH and minimize his role and involvement with his kids, and now that she's ignoring the court order, I think it's past time to do something about it.
When did saving money become
When did saving money become a bad thing????
I book trips in a year in advance so that I can save money. I book the trip, then spend the time from booking to final payment searching for discounts. I've never paid rack rate for a vacation and we only travel during peak vacation times. It's crazy to spend 5K for a trip when planning and a bit of leg work will get you the same trip for 3K.
Maybe she should go back to court and request the judge give them specific dates for the summer. DF's court order states that he has his girls from 5:30 June 28- 5:30 July 31. BM has them all of August. They resumes EOWE visits after Labor Day.
As long as each parent plans a vacation during their scheduled time and remains in the country, they don't have to worry about clearing anything with the other parent.
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The sad thing is that DH
The sad thing is that DH wants to go for 50/50, but he and BM cant agree on much of anything. I do not think that any judge would agree to 50/50 at this point, especially with this new summer schedule situation.
I suggest that you bring the
I suggest that you bring the pain. Document and get ready to beat her ass in court. She either plays by the rules or you destroy her. That was our philosophy when dealing with my Skid's Sperm Clan.
They were required in the CO to give us at least 60 days written notification of any of their 3 annual visitations they intended on taking. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). For summer my bride had the option of taking 10 days of visitation with the Skid in her home town (the heart of Sperm Land) anytime after the first two weeks of Sperm Clan's summer skid visitation. Any remaining time of their 5wks of summer visitation would be completed following my bride's 10 days. One year my bride requested her 10days to include 4th of July so we could spend it with her family.
The Sperm Clan did not allow us to pick the kid up. Grrrrr!!! Every year after that my bride would request her 10 days to include 4th of July. Never once did the Sperm Clan give us the kid. So .... we started collecting him with police escort (Not difficult when your bride's HS bff's father is the chief of police then the sherrif after he retired from the PD. He detests the Sperm Idiot!!!!!!) in the most publically ass barring, humiliating way possible. From the middle of church services, family reunions, from family dinners at popular restaurants, etc.... }:)
Eventually we started using the 60 day notification rule against them. They rarely provided us with written notification so when they played games with our 10 days in the summer we insisted on written notification after the 60 day horizon had expired and referenced the supplemental county rules that said visitation not taken could not be rescheduled. We used their manipulations and complete lack of organization against them very effectively
We quit asking for July 4th and just stared taking it if we wanted it. They had neither the balls nor the resources to turn it in to a court battle. The last 5 years of so of the CO we had them nearly completely under control.
Commit to a long campaign in controlling the toxic opposition and eventually you will. The key is giving them no quarter except when it is to your advantage.
IMHO and experience of course.
Good luck.
I don't think she would be
I don't think she would be held in contempt for anything. She is giving you a year's notice. His annual tour will be 15 days, you will obviously chose days around his schedule. I don't think you have a leg to stand on unless the decree precludes her from booking a week vacation a year in advance.