What happens when neither party follows the divorce CO?
There are several times when BM ONLY follows the CO when it works to her advantage.
She NEVER shares health documents (unless she demands reimbursement that she believes she is owed but according to CO is not), school related information, report cards, etc like she is supposed to even if DH asks for them. DH is not consulted on anything at all like he should be. She hasn't paid her half of travel every month for 9 years. She also has his Doctor send us the bill even though The CO says she's supposed to pay anything the health insurance DH provides doesn't cover.
Of course it's not one sided. There are also times when DH fails to follow CO. The MAIN one is visitation. For financial reasons DH can only go to pick up SS 1-2 times a month instead of EOW. (he lives 5 hours away) Also, he forgets to schedule for his allotted summer visitation on time in writing and ends up having to work around things that BM has planned for SS during his time. He also is not great at checking his e-mail and fails to respond to BM in time for any changes she wants to make (of course she uses this to her advantage and assumes EVERYTHING is okay instead of trying another means of communication. (I know, that one's his fault)
Can one person get in trouble? Can they both get in trouble?
There are several things that need to be changed anyway as it was written while SS was 6 months old and he is now 10 and we are saving for a lawyer to be able to do this.
Depends on where you live.
Depends on where you live. In NYS, the CO is merely a "serving suggestion" for the (usually) CP BM whereas the courts are intent on holding NCP biodad's feet to the fire for every crossed "T" and dotted "I."
P.S. You'll need to go
P.S. You'll need to go around her in most cases to get school info, extra curricular info, etc. That's the way it is in most cases where there is a hostile BM involved. Go straight to the school carrying a copy of the CO with you and have them send info to you directly.
"Go around her" was the
"Go around her" was the mantra we used to live by. BM used to take great delight when DH asked for info and she denied it. Anything we could find out on our own without asking her we did. Schools and Doctors cannot deny a non custodial parent info unless it is specifically written into the CO. Like Thinkthrice said, your DH needs to take the CO to the schools and doctors and ask that info be sent to him. This is a time where killing them with kindness can really pay off - especially if BM has told them how awful DH is.
As far as neither side honoring the CO - they both run the chance of being held in contempt if the other one files with the court. The best thing to do with a high conflict BM is to follow the CO to the letter.
In my state if you file
In my state if you file contempt for the CO because the other parent didn't "A"
Then "A" is discussed in court, there will be not B, C, D, toss him her and the next fellow under the bus to play the victim.
If you file contempt on "A", "A" and only "A" will be discussed!
When DH would tell BM if she is refusing, then I will file a contempt motion, BM would suddenly start with "well I'm gonna say this and that and one more thing", we would laugh because our judge will not allow it, were here for "A" and only "A"!
The CO is meant to be
The CO is meant to be followed by both. An interesting exception is the NCP visitation schedule. The NCP is not REQUIRED to make use of the visitation that the court provides. It is assumed that they WANT to see their child(ren) as much as possible.
Otherwise, either or both can get a tongue lashing by the judge. Usually they only file Contempt when it is persistent violations. Even then, it is a crap shoot.
For instance, we were told to save up a few violations and then go to court for Contempt. We had two PAGES of SD not being provided for visitation. The judge gave BM a $500 fine for Willful interference with visitation. DH didn't even get time to make up for all those misses. BM argued that ONE of the two skids went most of those times. That didn't hold water with the judge. But I thought that $500 is a pretty low price to place on a relationship that went in the tank thanks to nonstop contact with BM and none at all with DH.
It depends. ExH and I only
It depends. ExH and I only look at the CO when we both remember there's something big in there we may both be in trouble for not following so we write a memo, both sign, and move on (like agreeing on different funding of something). We've changed the schedule and CS and stuff all by our little selves without minimal legal input and no conflict.
OTOH, BM wants control and uses the CO to get it. Only flexes when it doesn't hurt her, but wants DH to flex regardless of how it affects him.
I've blogged about this before: I think it comes down to the parents who are willing to tell a kid to suck it up and do the same themselves versus the parents who never want the child to dislike them/want to appear to be the better parent.