Advice needed - ROFR and schedule
SS is telling us a lot of things. we know that BM is getting my husband's texts to the kids to them. My husband couldn't care less about what goes on over there (actually to the point that i think it would be okay at least to have an idea of day to day life) but be that as he may, BM is such a sociopath he avoids contact at all costs. Long story, but she is not allowed on our property or to contact either of us. Her last hope of control is through disrupting communications, manipulating SD and feeding them crap about how bad we are. Mind you, she receives several thousands each month (yes, that is right) in CS to support her and her BF. She has now gotten a job where she will be working overnight shifts. My husband has ROFR. Apparently, she has been grooming SS that we will be fighting for custody, "don't even think of ever being there, I will show the court x,y,z" etc. My SS cant stand her. I will tell you 100% that when he talks about her behavior I stick up for the lunatic.
Anyway, my dilemma is this........... Do we risk the confidence of our stepson by opening up the can of worms of what we think is going on. For instance, when my husband contacts her to let her know he will be exercising ROFR, she will immediately think "more time there = less child support for me" (CS which pays her mortgage and car....while she takes the kids to Goodwill), and SS will end up getting the brunt of telling us anything.
Also, BM has some weird obsession with sports team for SD. It's like a cult, I swear. Anyway, apparently she has taken it upon herself yet again to sign her up for a team that practices over an hour and a half away at least 2 times a week. We can't commit to that (we are too busy being professionals with careers to pay her CS). this happens all the time..... my husband says no, and then within a month SD is in tears because one of a hundred "special tournaments" come up and we end up letting her go with her mom if we can't take her. Softball is BM's "thing".....we don't have any say so, and when we say no, she bombards SD's phone with telling her how bad we are - upsetting the whole time she is with us . BTW SD plays all year round, and the only time we pulled her from a tournament was due to BM trying to cancel our hotel reservations and texting SD "PLEASE DELETE" - the one and only time I have seen SD's phone - by accident, mind you( because I never check it nor does my husband to avoid ever looking like he interferes with communication) ........what do we do?
Is your SD gifted in sports
Is your SD gifted in sports ?? Could you see her getting a college scholarship down the road ??
What does Rofr mean ?? Sorry don't know.
I am a sports mom , son & daughter actively involved in travel teams.
Hi! ROFR is right of first
Hi! ROFR is right of first refusal
I still don't get all of the abbreviations on here !
SD13 is one of the better kids on her teams. And we are extremely supportive of her in athletics. My husband, brother and their father played professional baseball. The issue we have with it is that this has become BM's social outlet. She is one of those toxic people that gets a friend, or group of friends then causes so much drama, there is a fight, and then moves on. She will rally a couple moms and every couple of months decide the coach isn't good enough, and then they go off and find other teams. We live in a state where this is year round, so there can be practices, tournaments etc every single night. The kicker is that the teams that are the next "bigger better things" are the same girls, just different volunteer coaches. In other words, it would be a different story if there was a sacrifice and commitment to a fantastic, elite team. There is no input sought from my husband....I would think he is a little better equipped in this area than her. My point is this.....we shouldn't have to have our time dictated by her because of her inability to get along with others. And from what I can tell, it doesn't seem like life lessons that should be gained through sports are taught from a parent who can't play well with others and then she leaves.
Ahhh the high conflict BM
Ahhh the high conflict BM with narcissistic tendencies !!! I am sure people will rally with her as narcissist appear pleasing but bite their tongue when they figure it all out.
You can't change her but you can encourage the SD but one hand in this helps the other. It's sad but it's so true.
Pure manipulation ~ just remember what the greater good is. As parents we are willing to sacrifice ourselves but not all people do. They are only young once. It's hard for you I am sure to consume my comments while dealing with a BM like you have.
I'm not sure what you can do
I'm not sure what you can do unless you plan to go for more custody time. What's the current arrangement? Is she primary?
I think you guys are doing the right thing by not over-prying into what goes on at her house.