Does anyone else resent the time gone?
I don't let a lot of things bother me anymore. SD & I have always gotten along alright. BM is a non-factor because I won't speak to her or allow DH to tell me the drama. CS isn't THAT much compared to what a lot of people I know pay. The visitation schedule is alright. & I have awesome things going on in my life along with our first little one on the way.
But I do resent the time spent EOWE to pick up/drop off SD. It takes DH from the time he gets off work at 5 untl around 8:30 to go meet BM at the halfway point & pick up SD.
& on Sundays, he leaves at 3:30 to take SD back & doesn't get back home until 6:30.
DH & I work different schedules. I work basically a 8-5 & he works like 11-8. So on week days when he gets home around 8:30 he eats showers we watch a lil tv & then it's off to bed & the same thing the next day. I hardly see him before work (he does wake up with me). & right now he's working a few hours on weekends. So I hate having our only quality time interrupted not only by SD being here, but by the 6 hours out of the weekend.
I basically feel like any weekend she is here is wasted. DH is up & driving on Friday & Sunday. Saturday is our only real day to do anything together & it's obviously limited with a 7 year old.
I lose a lot of things by choosing to be in love with a man with a kid by someone else, but time is the most hurtful thing.
I completely understand how
I completely understand how you feel my DH works offshore for 3 weeks, and is home for 3 weeks - 2 of which sometimes a extra day or so we have SS. So out of this time I get the first night he is home - he lands around midnight we drive home a hour to hour and a half depending on traffic (yes traffic as they are doing road work so at all hours traffic can occur) and I get about a hour of talk time, shower and then bed. The next day we get SS and at least the next 48 hours are pretty much dedicated to him with showering with me most nights even if SS is awake but if SS is awake I go to bed alone and risk DH falling asleep on the couch or getting caught up looking something up and working on a project (When we shower and go to bed together he will look stuff up but limits getting out of bed as it wakes me). Then a few days go by and I get DH to myself for the most part but it is dedicated to projects mainly so even with being unemployed I spent about the same amount of time with him as I did when I was employed. Then we get SS again and it isn't all about him but I still don't see them until dinner (which DH cooks 98% of the time - after SS insulted my cooking) and then movie and normally we shower and go to bed together. Rinse and repeat until the day DH leaves and I get a little more time but it is always emotional and stressful - and he still sometimes has guilt of leaving SS with BM for three weeks with a mix in of saying he will miss me.
I will say I hate my DH's job but enjoy a little bit of the fact conversations when is gone are about us 99% of the time unless something major happens about SS - in fact this past hitch so far (he comes home next week) SS has been mentioned once and it has been wonderful...however we average right at 3-5 minutes a day in 1 minute conversations and a few text/facebook messages at times but very limited as he is always busy.
I hate knowing I have limited time sometimes, more than a lot of women or how I feel - and let me just say being home while he's offshore though without SS here isn't always peaceful and makes me sad about losing time with him when he is home at times. I know I chose to be with a sailor (not military but still what we call it as he is on boats for oil) but it is not glamorous it is not easy and I hate knowing no matter what my time feels limited.
I love my DH very much and would do anything for him but the life does get exhausting and even depressing at times.
Yeah, of course our limited
Yeah, of course our limited time isnt this extreme but sometimes I just wish I had a 'normal' (if that even exists anymore smh) marriage where DH & I worked 9-5 & spent the afternoons together & the weekends. & no skid to pick up or drop in on our lives.
Our time is in such limited blocks & it's really his only free time so unless he never wants to do anything without me then all that time isn't for 'us'. & of course he wants to have a life & friends too. I couldn't blame him for that.
I have that dream sometimes
I have that dream sometimes too but I don't know if it exist.
Like I posted DH tries to make sure I have time - and unless BIL10 is here we shower together every night whether SS is awake or already in bed. If he is in bed we will watch a show on the couch, sit outside or shower then watch TV/Netflix in the bedroom for some time. I will say he really does seem to try - even with the not talking about SS whom I don't have a huge issue with and BM while he is gone.
Even when it is just us I get tired easily due to some health things so time is limited, and his family always seems to have projects or plans so a decent amount of our time is in the truck together on our alone days or sitting outside. My DH also has severe ADHD so sitting inside watching a movie has to be a end of day thing - most of the time I get more time sitting outside talking to him or watching him work on projects. His main friend is a guy that I get a long with too and every once in a while they will go out to IHOP at 1am or something if the dude's wife allows it (she is needy when he around - though he works out of town he goes home often) but not much without me while he is home unless it is with SS or something I wouldn't want to do anyways such as fishing with his dad but the day he went to do that I was caught up in a book so I enjoyed it - and normally he tries to come home early even if he is with SS and will tell me he missed more or apologize for taking to long even if I don't notice.
Like I said I do have my depressing times noticing how little time we get especially knowing SS can virtually come over anytime as he has first refusal if BM is going to be gone more than 4 hours (in the CO) so there for a while even date nights were ruined on our weekend.
I do have to say I do feel like the majority of the time DH tries to take note of the issue and make time for us whether SS is here (like with the showering), and when he is gone by some extra calls and ensuring unless severe circumstances he tells me good night even if it is early like he just called - he will even use the satellite phone when they go Canada to make me feel special.
One good thing about the aloe
One good thing about the aloe time - impromptu trips. This past month my mom, last year my grandparents for their 50th anniversary, and time with my brother...and last year also flying my best friend out for a girls weekend of fun....all while DH encourages it.
Yes it is and a semi benefit
Yes it is and a semi benefit of him working offshore - though I think at this point even if he was home he knows that every once in a while I need my breaks, and I don't think they will ever stop with the attitude he has - he gets to go on fishing trips with his friends and family, and mud parks - my family and close friends live further away and can be trusted on visits ...so in a way we both get our "breaks" and have had this mentality since the beginning so unless a brain injury occurs I think even if we had a child I could pull it off - as MIL loves grandkids but is brainwashed to only see nephew when FIL isn't around (you know the story), and sees SS only when DH is home because according to BM MIL is a alcoholic - though she drinks about as much as I do which is not even once a month at times.
Not too much of a limited
Not too much of a limited time. SD is only 7 & can't stand BM. She treats her like dirt, & IDK why BM allows it but whatever. So unless BM would prevent it, she would never decide not to come here. Especially with how excited she is with the new baby.
BM is so strange that none of the other parents let their kids go to SD's house, & BM won't let SD go anywhere so SD has no friends at BMs. BM also won't let her do any extra curriculars. So unfortunately I don't see SD deciding not to come for a longggggggg time -sigh-
I use to ride so DH & I could
I use to ride so DH & I could talk in the car on the way up. But honestly SD stays awake & talks the whole time & is kinda annoying, & I don't like to see BM. She annoys me & uses the fact that I don't want to show SD how much I dislike her mother to try and trap me into chit chatting with her. She raises my blood pressure. So I just don't anymore.
Completely understand. DH is
Completely understand. DH is leaving two hours before he really has to today to pick up the kid because BM refused to meet half way. That's 2 hours away from his family here. Hugs for you, it's hard work!
I totally feel the same way,
I totally feel the same way, SS12 weekends are all sports sports and more sports. Basketball and baseball. Before I quit my job last month I saw DH2 only 2 days out of the entire month because I was working Fridays and Sundays, so I saw him two days out of the entire month when we didnt have SS12 (i go to school in the day and DH works nights). I even spent the night at my parents house to show how I really wasn't kidding that I wasn't happy with the way things are. Now we are down to two sports teams but he has multiple games a day or practices. It's not fun....we can't even take a freaking weekend trip (not that I want to go anywhere with that kid) I feel like my weekends are a complete waste, and I want to be with DH but I don't want to go to the damn games where both sets of grandparents go, BM, BM's bio dad.....its like a family reunion!! So if I don't participate, I sit here a lone or have to drive 45min to visit my friends or family.
And I totally understand about the driving, we're 1.5 hours from BM and the sports teams, and BM will never meet us half way. DH does ALL OF THE DRIVING. DH wants to get a truck and I am shaking my head at the gas bill. I'll tell him if he gets a truck, then BM will meet him halfway at a gas station then.
Considering you have a baby
Considering you have a baby on the way, the step-kid is all agog at the idea and hates BM why not get full custody after the infant is under control. You'll be home anyway for the kid(s).
I'll be going back to work
I'll be going back to work fulltime after 12 weeks.
BM would never go for that. I have 12 weeks of maternity leave but only 6 weeks is paid. So we are saving a lot to make ends meet during that time & for baby expenses. We can't afford a court battle now. Also, SD s only 7 & BM doesn't abuse her so it's very unlikely they would change custody because of our wishes. -sigh- it feels so hopeless sometimes.
LOL I agree but honestly, SD
LOL I agree but honestly, SD isn't any trouble. She's here all summer & it would be the same typical schedule. I would not want her during my maternity leave but after I had some mommy baby time I would be open to moving her n full time if that was what was decided.
The problem now is EOWE is shot becuase she's not here a lot, so we never want to get a sitter. If the tables were turned & she were here full time, getting a sitter would be no big deal.