Can I bar BD entrance to my home?
Ok so I'm very new to all of this and haven't seen this question brought up before. My girlfriend and I recently moved in together. She has two wonderful girls with whom I get along with famously. Biodad is a borderline deadbeat. He and the girls see each other a handful of times annually and he pays CS occasionally. My problem is this; in the past he was physically abusive to my GF and I stated in no uncertain terms that were we to live together (GF and I) he would never darken my doorway. I am happy to support a relationship between the girls and BD but NEVER under my roof. Now GF tells me he has a right to come into MY house if he wants to see the girls. Is this true? Have I no rights in my own house? They can go see him everyday for all I care, but any man who has laid a hand on the love of my life will never be welcome in my home.
How old are the skids? Why is
How old are the skids?
Why is your GF supporting her deadbeat eX in his quest to be disney-dad in your home while trying to convince you that your home is not your castle?
Either she truly is so victimized that she believes she cannot stop the ex from entering her/your home (then I guess that's what police are for) or she is acquiescing the ex and accommodating him at your expense (then I guess that's what break-ups are for)
Unless there's other pertinent details you want to share
This is all true. ^^ And no,
This is all true.
And no, he has no business being in your home. If she insists, he might as well move on in, because you should be on your way out.
OH hell no! You can most
OH hell no! You can most certainly block him from your property. This would be a deal breaker for me.
Ok a little clarification.
Ok a little clarification. Her and BD have never had a formal allocation of parenting. Due to his most recent antics (unrelated to her and I) she has decided an AOP is in order. Her fear is that if I bar entry it will be a black mark against her when the AOP is decided.
No...? If there's no formal
No...? If there's no formal parenting plan, then he doesn't even have a right to see the girls to begin with. Everything else is at her discretion. And it's YOUR property, not hers, all she has to say is that it isn't up to her as it's not her property.
Block him, threaten police
Block him, threaten police action, and if in a state with castle laws, I wouldn't hesitate to let him know if he comes on my property, I'd take whatever measures I deemed necessary to get him off.
I can't imagine how not
I can't imagine how not allowing BD to hang out in her home would reflect poorly on her. It's not like she is refusing visitation, have them do it somewhere else. Is this guy homeless, or living somewhere unsafe?
She says she wants to foster
She says she wants to foster the best possible relationship between the girls and BD, and if I bar entry then we will have to explain why. I say why not? They're gonna find out what kind of man he is someday. But apparently ignorance and showing off their rooms/art projects etc. is more important than peace between their mother and I. Oh and we are both on the lease at this point. Am I being unreasonable?
NO Do not let her disrespect
NO
Do not let her disrespect you in your own home like that.
Fostering a relationship with their dad means not talking shit about him and letting him see them on a regular basis. NOT letting him have free reign in YOUR HOME.
I'm thinking so.
I'm thinking so.
There is no reason for him to
There is no reason for him to be in your home to see the girls. Come on now. That's silly.
Ok so I just looked up what
Ok so I just looked up what CREW meant. Why in the world would anyone pretend this kind of drama?! Life is crazy enough without making this kinda stuff up. At any rate I do appreciate the feedback, I've been childless my entire adult life and come from a very nuclear family, suddenly I feel very naive about my new role.
No. She needs counseling. Or
No. She needs counseling. Or at least to learn her rights versus his rights. And BOUNDARIES!
I would never EVER let an abuser back into my house...even IF I had children with him. In fact, I'd be taking him to court to make sure my CHILDREN didn't have to be with him unsupervised!
BM is not allowed in our
BM is not allowed in our house...Really easy. She has come to the front step and that is it and that was years ago. Not necessary for them to be there.
If your post is fake, Move
If your post is fake, Move him in so you can keep a close watch on him. Watch how he interacts with your GF, but you do not have any right to discipline her girls.
If this post is real, follow advice of previous posters and take Omega fatty acids to increase brain development. NO he doesn't darken your doorway! Your rights trump his deadbeat, abusive ass! Sounds like you need a nicer girlfriend.
Not just no but HELL NO you
Not just no but HELL NO you don't have to let him in your home! He has no right to be there under any circumstance whether his daughters are there or not.
If he walks in your house you can shoot him though. I would if I was in your shoes. Particularly if you live in Texas. He has a history of beating your SO and shooting him seems a reasonable action to prevent him from doing it again. The assumption has to be that if he is in your home he is there to perpetrate violence against your mate yet again.
Double tap, center mass. End of problem.
My SS's Sperm Idiot was not allowed on our property or my IL's property. My FIL made it abundently clear to him that if he set foot on my ILs farm he would be shot. FIL even put a couple of rifle rounds at the Sperm Idiots feet when he stepped in to their very long driveway one time when he was picking up SS for visitation. Never again did the dipshitiot cross the road to my ILs side. He waited on the far shoulder for my DW to bring SS to him.
No one from the Sperm Clan has ever been to our home. When SS was too young to fly unaccompanied for visitaton one or other of the more distant members of the Sperm Clan or some random person they would send would come pick the Skid up. They stayed in a hotel and we met them at the airport to exchange. Dick Head never once came to get his kid and neither did the Sperm Grandparents. It was allways the GGPs or some friend of the Sperm Clans. We on the other hand went to the Sperm Idiot's, Sperm Grandma's, their church, family reunions, etc.. to pick the kid up when they played games with returning him from visitation as scheduled. There is nothing better than walking in to their church with the police to get the kid when they once again conveniently fail to put him on the plane.
I wish my FIL had just shot the worthless POS.
Your GF is blowing out her backside on this one.
Ok let me put this another
Ok let me put this another way.
If darling girlfriend wanted to adopt the most open and amicable relationship in order for him to still be a father to his daughters as and when he wanted to, including being able to intrude on her personal space and being inside the household then she needed to either remain with him or stay single.
The relationship is over, thus his "right" to being allowed inside her property is also over. Yes they share children, if its because she wants him to have supervised access then she needs to arrange supervised access outside the home.
They do not have any written agreement, thus it is at this moment in time, at her discretion. She is perfectly able to keep it as amicable as she wants, but outside the house.
But also I think you two need to have a sit down and long talk about what your ideas are and where you see this relationship headed and what are you expectations with the kids because if you are already knocking heads about something this basic you are going to have soooo many issues.
Hi, I would not allow him in.
Hi,
I would not allow him in. We do exchanges on front porch, by car, at restaurants, etc.
The boundaries need to be respected.