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So this happened.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 12:29pm

DH was mopping the floor of the front hall. SS13 came down the stairs, and asked what he was doing.
DH: I'm mopping the floor.
SS: I was gonna do laundry.
DH: Be careful, the floor is wet.
SS: Carry me?

SS lifted his arms like a baby wanting out of its crib. DH set the mop down, picked SS up by the armpits, and carried him the eight feet to the basement doorway.

Last year before DH and I married, I finally put my foot down about DH lifting him into the seats of shopping carts.

"But I can fiiiiiiiit," he whined.
"I don't care. You are twelve years old, which is too old to be sitting in shopping carts." I said this loud enough for other shoppers around us to hear. One man glanced over at us. "Am I right?" I asked him.
"Uh, yeah!" He gasped. "That is definitely too old!"

SS proceeded to sulk through Walmart.

Comments

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 12:35pm

Can manage to do his laundry? But not manage to walk over a wet floor?

Is your SS the size of a 5 year old? Because I think unless you are like that size, the cart is too small... are you talking about the back or the front of the cart?

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 12:45pm

SS8 asked SO to pick him up to put the angel on top the tree. SO laughed and said those days are over.

Your SS13 must be a small kid.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 12:47pm

Sadly, I do mean the front seat of the cart. SS can actually fit his skinny legs and ass into the seat, and buckle the strap.

And the funny thing about laundry, is that when I got rid of the communal hamper, everyone had to wash their own clothes.

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 12:49pm

I'm sorry, I am stuck on your "DH: I'm mopping the floor". :jawdrop:

10 years, I have never seen my husband touch the mop.

But seriously, 12 and wants to sit in the cart? That's SO bizarre.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:05pm

Lol Seriously!! I'm not sure my DH knows what a "mop" is. I've certainly never seen him touch one!

Good gravy... most 13 year olds are all about independence and thinking they're "almost an adult" and getting into trouble accordingly. Your SS13 apparently thinks he's actually 3. "Carry me"??? Sitting in the shopping cart?!?! My BS5 would DIE if I made him sit in the shopping cart! "That's for BABIES!"

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:18pm

DH mops the floor because he has never taught his kids how. That's also why he washes the dishes and takes out the trash. I'll be damned if I'm expected to clean up after them.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:10pm

And no, SS won't be getting anyone pregnant anytime soon. The night before our wedding, DH was tucking skids into bed. SS grew quiet and serious.
SS: Daaaaad? When you marry HotMess, please don't have sex with her.
DH: (trying not to laugh) Son, that's something that married people do.
SS: But you haven't had sex since you and Mom had me.
DH: (smirking)
SS: You mean you and Mom?!?!?..... A lot?!..... All the TIME?!?!..... EEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!

While we were taking pictures after the wedding ceremony, SS pulled DH aside.
SS: Does HotMess know?
DH: Does she know what?
SS: Does she know that you guys are gonna have sex tonight?
DH: HotMess is fully aware of what to expect.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:29pm

It gets better. After we married, SS said to DH one day,
"Daaaaaad? I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, and I heard some strange noises coming from your room. I got closer to listen, and I realized you guys must have been having sex. It sounded like this..."

And then SS proceeded to make some sound effects for his father.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:30pm

Yikes

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:50pm

I'm 43. I'm little. If I tried really hard, I'm pretty sure I could fit in the cart. Will you push me?

I would pay money to see this show! LMAO!

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 1:47pm

Ew, that is creepy and where the hell is Draco?? This sounds like something his SS would have done at this age. Hell, I tell BS who just turned FIVE that he is too big to carry!

BSgoinon's picture

Submitted by BSgoinon on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 3:25pm

How about telling precious little SS that the next time he mentions your sex life, he can LIVE in his shopping cart... ?

That is just creepy.

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 4:37pm

DH showed them how to do laundry before we married. He used to do EVERYTHING for them, even when he was married to BM. I don't teach them anything, really. They reject everything I have to offer, except money, of course.

Teas83's picture

Submitted by Teas83 on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 4:22pm

My husband and I just had the shopping cart discussion about SD6.

We went into the grocery store the other day with only DD1.

There was another man there with a baby and a little girl who looked to be about 5 years old. He put the baby in the seat in the shopping cart. The 5YO asked if she could sit there too, and he replied, "No, you're getting too old for that."

As we shopped, we crossed paths with them occasionally and I noticed that the 5YO walked the entire time and didn't appear to complain.

I couldn't help but point this out to my husband. I've been telling him for awhile that SD is getting too big to ride in the cart beside DD. Of course she always asks and he always lets her. Instead of maybe agreeing that he babies his child, he said that the other father must not be a very good father for telling his 5YO to walk through the store.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 4:59pm

Lol

HotMess's picture

Submitted by HotMess on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 5:00pm

Yes, skids are stunted. They have poor social skills with their peers and with adults. Many of the events surrounding DH and BM's divorce would have been traumatic for anyone. Skids coped by regressing. DH imploded, and all were left with a learned helplessness. DH set very low expectations, and is relearning to raise them.

I have been gradually adding to DH's workload through disengagement. Eventually he will realize that skids are capable not only of cleaning the kitchen, mopping the floor, and scrubbing the bathroom, but they can be expected to do it properly.

IslandGal's picture

Submitted by IslandGal on Wed, 01/07/2015 - 7:44pm

Holy What-the-bleeding-fuck??? Not only is that creepy - it is just..ewwwwwww!!! I was eating lunch when I read this and nearly choked on my goddamn sandwich.

So..does this mean that your DH will also carrying his darling babeeee to his wife's bed and lay him down so he could have sex with her, when he grows up and marries?

Will he carry his widdle pwecious into the maternity room when his pwecious has their first child 'cos the poor widdle snot may be traumatised by the whole thing? Will he carry him in there, put him on his lap and cuddle him while he goes through the "traumatic" experience?

Would your DH also carry pwecious to the car on a rainy day for his first job interview so he doesn't get his brand-new-shoes soaking wet?? I so wish there was a way we could print something like this up.. ram it on our fridge and just let every damned person who comes through the house read it so they could roll their eyes at the ridiculousness of it all!

Honestly..I just cannot..fathom..the thinking of some of these men!!