O/T -Getting SO to talk
SO and I have some problems, just as any couple does. Our main problem is communication. He refuses to talk about anything.
Anytime an issue comes up, or we have an argument about something he freezes and freaks out if I try to talk about it. It's so extreme that he has at times left or threatened to leave for good if I don't stop trying to get him to talk.
He says I push, and I admit that I do push him to talk, but I just get so frustrated because he won't talk to me. The same problems keep coming up and we keep having the same arguments because nothing ever gets discussed or resolved. The only resolution I ever get is if we have had a fight we usually go to bed without speaking, go the morning without speaking and then he will text me at work saying "I'm sorry. You were right". That's it! I don't even feel like its genuine. Its like he just says it to stop the silence.
I just don't know what to do. This man wants to Marry me and have children with me but I just constantly wonder what's going to happen when we have real problems? He can't even talk to me right now about the tiniest things, how are we going to be able to talk about real life issues that come along with marriage and kids?....It's so hard. I've thought about leaving but I always talk myself out of it and I know I'm just not ready to leave. Is a lack of communication really something to break up over?
Anyone else have a DH or SO that just absolutely refuses to discuss problems? How do you handle it and keep your sanity?
Nope. He won't tell me. The
Nope. He won't tell me. The only thing he ever says is that it doesn't need to be talked about. Which sometimes I think is ok, if he's going to take what I say and use it to solve the problem. I might be ok with him not talking and just listening even. I mean if I was to say I have an issue with _____. It makes me feel ____ and I think that we could do ____ to solve this or maybe ___ might work, and he just said ok I hear you and then recognized my feelings and made an effort to fix the issue than I would be ok with him not talking. Some things don't need a huge conversation. But he doesn't do that. Nothing ever gets fixed and the same fight happens over and over and over again.
The last big fight we had I guess he went to his mom for advice on how to talk to me, which I thought was incredibly sweet and thoughtful and showed he was trying. His mom told him that his dad would never talk either, which is why I assume he won't talk. It sounds like there were not discussions in his family and everything was swept under the rug.
I agree.
I agree.
Thank you. This is a good
Thank you. This is a good idea. I'm not just talking about issues with SD. I also mean relationship issues. Do you leave the notes for these kinds of issues as well?
My exH didn't talk to me
My exH didn't talk to me about anything. He held everything in, never gave me advice or suggestions, and just hated me if I did something he didn't like. I never knew anything was wrong because he never said a word. Over the years his resentment built and the marriage failed. Nothing was ever resolved. Since getting out of this relationship I've realized just how abusive stonewalling is. It is a form of abuse and if present in a marriage is considered one of the four horseman of the apocalypse that signify a marriage's end. I am now married to a man who openly communicates what he thinks. I suggest that you don't marry this man. Without good communication there is nothing and the marriage will fail. It is abusive. Google stonewalling and abuse. Also try googleing marriage and the four horseman of the apocalypse.
I think that communication
I think that communication can be improved through counseling. But a person will only change if they feel that it is necessary. He would rather leave than communicate. That is not a good sign for him wanting to change, I don't think.