Daddy needs to step up and do the discipline. Any attempt on your part will be met with more than just resistance ("You're not my mother" syndrome).

But you can advise Daddy when the girl is not around.

If he were here I would say come on Daddy you know when the blouse is cut too low (cleavage shows), the shorts too short (mid thigh), or either one too tight (you can see the creases and crevices).

He can tell his kid that the boys aren't interested in "her" as a person when they're looking at her crotch because her pants are painted on. Daddy can insist on seeing how she's dressed before she leaves for school or can approve what she wears the night before if he leaves first.

If he wants help in sorting through the clothing then its done when she is not around and he doesn't mention your help. He gets rid of clothing that are inappropriate and conducts regular inspections. You can report to him anything inappropriate she's wearing but only in private and his enforcing the dress code does not involve the girl knowing he gets input from you.

From the situation you've described you can only make her situation worse as she is required by her teenage code of rebellion to do the exact opposite of what the evil step mother says whereas she can curse Daddy out loud while silently recognizing his right to restrict her options.

I can totally sympathize with your situation. In my case, BM is involved, but she is a big part of the problem! She has never been a mom, but rather tries to be best buds with SD14. Bad thing is, much like your FSD, SD14 is rude, self-centered, sneaky, lies, had entitlement issues, etc. DH is also always trying to get me to mother this child, because it is obvious that she needs "a good role model".

That said, DH tries to tell me all the time to teach SD14 things like how to put on make up, talk to her about proper clothing choices and/or teach her how to dress, teach her how to do her hair, etc. Problem is, these girls are set in their ways!! I know this, but DH doesn't get it! I'm not going to waste my time when SD14 is set in doing it her way. Take her makeup for example...she had this breakout a couple of weeks ago, and boy, the drama around that. At DH's request, I explained to SD14 that the 3 layers of makeup she is putting on her face is not allowing her skin to breathe and is clogging her pores, thus causing the breakouts. Also, the "Beiber bangs" she wears leaves her hair plastered to her forehead (where she got the breakout) on top of her constantly touching her hair and forehead to move the hair out of her eyes all day. I tried to tell her this as nicely as possible, but she rejected all my advice! The only thing she wanted from me was for me to go out and buy her expensive products to take care of the breakout...yes, started screaming that she NEEDED Proactive for something that could very easily be avoided by a few simple changes in her routine. I forgot to mention...she refuses to wash her face with a washcloth and antibacterial soap as I've advised her to do, but regularly uses makeup wipes that offer no exfoliation and doesn't really get all the dirt off her face. I did an experiment to prove this too her...fully wiped my face with a makeup wipe while I had my makeup on to the point you couldn't see the makeup any longer. I then washed my face with soap and a white washcloth, and showed her the makeup and dirt on the washcloth that the wipe had left behind. She still doesn't get it!!!

Same thing with hair products...she uses this "heat protector" with her straightener that emits a formaldehyde gas when heated. Both DH and I have told her not to use it because of this, and explained to her that her constant cough is most likely due to continual use of this product in closed quarters (the bathroom with the door closed). I researched the product because every morning when I walked past her bathroom while she was using it to make sure BS19 was up, I would walk through this cloud of "gas" that literally burned my sinuses and throat when I breathed! She eventually ran out, and we refused to buy her more. I discovered the other day that with money she got at Christmas, she bought another bottle. While she was out of the product, her cough went away. Now that she is using the product again, her cough is back! She argues that if it were unsafe to heat up, they wouldn't be selling it. She doesn't understand that there is no governing agency over beauty products, and unsafe products are put on the market every day! But she is 14 and knows everything!

Same with clothing...she regularly ties to stuff herself into a size 2, when she is at least a size 6. When she needed school clothes, DH had me pick them out so that she would dress appropriately. Because she didn't like my choices, she begged BM's friend to take her shopping, and got a bunch of too tight, revealing clothing. Then when she can't wear the stuff after 1 wash, she complains she needs new clothes because the dryer keeps shrinking her clothes. She doesn't realize that if she got the correct size to begin with, she wouldn't have the problem. No, she would rather walk around with a muffin top so she can try to say she is a size 2!

My point here, don't bother!!! FSD is set in her ways, and you will be wasting your time trying to tell her to dress differently. These days, I leave it all to DH, and hold the sleeve of my robe or whatever over my face if I have to walk down the hallway while she is getting ready to go anywhere.

I think your DH asked you, because you are a female and this is more of a "woman thing".

With that being said, would it be that horrible to at least have a discussion with SD about it? It might help in that it would be one less thing for her to get in trouble about and 1 less thing your DH has to deal with and 1 less thing you have to somewhat deal with by way of default of being with him.

Your SD can try on an outfit the night before school. Let DH make the call if the outfit is a go or not. His daughter is going on 15 to speak to her about appropriate wear for school is not that big a deal. This is his battle. You should not have to take it on unless you enjoy shopping and your SD respects your input.

gosh that is a pickle!! I know that i've had to tell my sd14 that she was inappropriately dressed. she wears the shortest shorts she can find and she's a freaking stick figure.

things I've told her when being straightforward didn't work:

1) if you had an ass it would be hanging out
2) no one wants to see your cooter
3) omg hooters called, they want their uniform back!
4) are you hot? no, then put your clothes back on!
4) there are pedophiles around here.. see, show her the screen on my phone.. there's an app for that!

unfortunately her bm lets her dress like a 14 year old anorexic hooker. with zero boobs but stuffed bra. she came here early in the fall when it was just getting cool..she had on leggings with zero panty lines.. thong panties. she's 14. plus this whole wear a bra then wear a big huge tank over it is still nasty girl if you ask me. cover up your underwear!

Having read all the answers that came in after my early one I want to reemphasize how much crap will hit the fan should you participate publically in any operation to change this girls apparel.

By publically I mean the girl knows you're in on it. She's already a problem kid and its going to get worse without a firm hand. Sure she'll get away with stuff but that doesn't matter. When I schooled at that age (late 50's) the girls left home with calf length skirts and immediately rolled up the waist band as soon as they were around the corner from home. So what - the parents had made a point and kept the exposure to a minimum as best they could.

I would probably stay out of this one

My H used to laugh about how he felt YSD "dressed like a tart" and once in a while he would say something to her which meant she sometimes changed into something more appropriate for THAT occasion

She is almost 30 and still dresses with a shall I say 'dramatic flare'

I would never say a thing because I'm sure she would think I was putting her down, and there have been times when I really thought DH you can't let her walk out the door dressed like that it's not even safe, but perhaps your SD is just trying to get attention/draw attention to herself

I think your DH would be the best one to address it

My H one time calmly asked YSD why she had on a little spaghetti strap silk top at a gathering at FIL's. DH was embarrassed in front of FIL's friends because the top really was low-cut and revealing. SD answered that she was hot....but she didn't wear that top again around us

Another time DH just flat out told YSD "go upstairs and put a sweater on" when again she had on a top that was way to revealing which she was going to wear to a party we were all going too. She had been sort of showing off at the time, asking us if we liked her outfit,etc.. etc.. and finally when she put that one on DH snapped.

But she hasn't changed much LOL....still the low cut revealing tops, tight tight clothes, etc... I just think it's still a bit of an attention seeking thing in an otherwise wonderfully sweet girl

DH's eldest...she likes to wear really, really, really, did I say really, low cut tops and she has huge boobs. There have been times I can't believe her boobs don't pop right out of her top! I actually think that's really disgusting and wish DH would say something to HER one time!

Not my business, not my problem if she looks like a sleazy idiot