For "intact" families there is no mandate (obviously) for the parents to fund college. Now when GOVERNMENT gets involved via family court, divorce, child support collection enforcement, etc. the whole thing is turned on it's head. Usually there is a mandate for NCP (usually) biodad to pay at least 50% of all college expenses including out of pocket extras, dorm rooms, dorm frig, marijuana pin money, etc. by way of court mandate.

I find this highly ironic since most skids are coddled to death and befriended by their parents, aka C.O.D "pitied children of divorce" treatment.

This results in them failing elementary and secondary education so that they can barely read/do basic math functions if at all by the time they "graduate" high school. The community colleges in particular LUV this cash cow. They can charge full colllege tuition for remedial, non-accredited education. The NCP biodad has to keep pumping CS money into the BM's coffers as the non-functioning FTL (failure to launch) skids keep failing semester after semester and changing majors more often than they change their undies (uhhh scratch that. . .skids seldom change their undies) ok, more often than they open up bags of doritos.

Welcome to the new age of NON-parenting and so-called "family" court!

I counsel college students on student loans - they're a mess, try to avoid them.

That being said, from my experience, it depends on MSA/JPA agreements. For example, my fiance's states that he and his exwife have to "contribute" to their kids' college tuition only. No dollar amount is specified. My fiance has a 529 or whatever it's called college account for each of his 3 kids that he set up before his divorce. Whatever is in there goes to tuition only and perhaps books. He will not pay for car payments, room and board, living expenses, etc. His oldest is in community college but she's a jerk and BM has pretty much accomplished full PAS between her and her father. She only calls him for tuition. He is still contributing to other two kids' accounts because they are younger (and actually care about him) but she gets what's in the 529 and then it's done even if not done with school.

My exhusb and I are supposed to split costs 50/50 for our kids' tuition. My son is a jr in high school and is aware he will need to attend a community college for two years first and then transfer. Neither of us make a lot so our 3 kids most likely will need financial aid. I have no problem with trade schools or technical schools. As long as my kids get into a FIELD, not just a job, but a FIELD with opportunities, I'm satisfied.

It seems to me that unless court ordered it is guilt driven. DH almost gave his daughter his car when she got her license. I had to be the bad guy and explain that he has not yet paid off that car and that would mean he would have to get another car and pay off two loans. They just want their little babies to have it all and not think about what that will cost them. SD ended up having her mommy buy her a car, better her than us. At her age I was riding the bus, and saving my pennies to buy a tiny little box car when I was 21. She was 17 and had a nice fairly new car paid off and then had the nerve to complain when we didn't pay her car insurance.

I think kids get a lot more out of college when they pay for it. Parents are better off saving their money and giving the kids a nice financial gift if/when they graduate college.

I did not pay for my kids college. I did help a little.

I could have tapped out my 401K and paid all, but I am smarter than that!

But let me clarify... If I had a lot more money...I would have paid for their college in full. They were/are great students and worked all through college. Now that have student loans. I would have like to take that burden off of them.

But I could not/would not and they are no worse for wear. lol

Well, in my situation... My ex is a tenured professor. When we divorced, he was at a university that provided substantial tuition breaks for staff/family, there and at some 200 other institutions. He insisted it be included in our orders that he be 100% responsible for their college education, tution, housing, food, all associated costs). Who was I to argue?

A year or so went by, ant he changed to a different university (I believe this was in the works when we split) - which did/does not offer a similar incentive. He promptly filed to have that obligation rescinded. Did I fight it? Darned tootin'! The judge told him plainly that he CHOSE to have this clause in the orders, and he CHOSE to move to an employer that does not offer that benefit, so he could honor his obligation. He indicated that he did have a college account to which he was depisiting ~10k/yr. This was.... 21 years ago?

Our eldest is graduating in May, with an Honors designation on his degree. He has worked the entire four years and contributed to his keep. Our youngest is in her second year, and works as well. Is on the Deans List. Both have full academic scholarships (tuition). So it's housing/food and books. They are not slackers. Our youngest has a (very old - no financing) car, pays maintenance, gas, insurance.... Oldest doesn't need one where he is. But does buy his own clothes, etc. Both are on my phone plan, as it costs me less than it would them.

Now... Despite the order, Dad has not paid a dime as per the order. Nor have I taken him to court for it - not worth the stress. Whatevs.

My parents paid for none of my college or my siblings. & I am only 23 & my sister is 20 & still in college. They gave me spending money & paid for books. We had to get scholarships for room/board/tuition/fees.

We did it all. We didn't have cars until we could afford them on our own. They did pay our insurance until we graduated. We all 3 worked while in college. I worked 28 hours a week & took on average 16 hours of classes. I still enjoyed myself, partied, met my husband, etc. I loved college. I graduated with a degree in chemistry in 3.5 years.

I feel 18 is time to grow up. If you can't afford college get a scholarship. Aren't smart/talented enough? Get a loan. Don't want to get a loan? take a year or 2 off and save.

My parents need(ed) to be saving for retirement so that they can finally enjoy life. Not paying for me to go to college.

DH was court mandated to pay 65% of SD22's tuition to whatever school she chose, and he had to pay $500 per month child support (down from $1000 per month while she was in high school). DH said that his only problem was that he was court ordered. He says that he didn't believe SD should have been forced to pay for it herself, and that he would have helped her regardless. He feels he should have had more of a say in where she went to school as well.

I don't believe court should require parents to pay for college unless parents of children in intact families were also required. In an intact family, the parents and children discuss what they can afford, and if the kid gives attitude, they parents can choose not to pay. Shouldn't it be up to the skids to maintain a proper relationship with both parents and discuss what can be done? If the ncp disappears and doesn't want to pay, I imagine there wouldn't have been enough money if the parents stayed together anyway.

I get that studies show that divorced parents help less frequently than parents who remain married, but for those divorced parents who are responsible, it's galling to be forced. I think SD22 would have started maturing faster if she had to be responsible for some of her own education. I always told DH that I felt that they were enabling SD to be lazy and entitled even in high school, and he didn't believe me. I think he realizes now that he may not have made some of the wisest decisions regarding her upbringing.

I don't agree with the courts making any parents, divorced or not, to pay for a child's education. Most states do NOT mandate it, and those that are will be changing in the future, I'm sure.

http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/require-non-custodial-parent-pay-coll...

I don't even agree that everyone should GET a college education. ALLLLLLLL those kids graduating with no jobs available...just doesn't make sense. And they have $100,000+ in student loans! My kids know the scoop. Go to college if you have to, but there are trades/businesses that it's not necessary. With me being an entrepreneur, they have a leg up on this life and will be likely to find something they can make money at that they actually like. Should they go to college near home, I'll let them live with me for free, but that's about all they're getting.

its crap, not to mention it removes something very valuable (IMO) with regard to parenting, and that is teaching a child that they should work and earn their college education, not simply have it handed to them.

we are in MA and my fiance is required to pay 1/3 of tuition only, calculated based on the tuition rate of the University of Massachusetts Amherst. And then he was able to negotate that its 1/3 AFTER grants and work study is factored in. So even if SD goes to say, Harvard, he only has to pay half of the tuition rate of UMass. Dumbass BM said she'd agree to paying all room and board and everything else in addition to her 1/3.

My DD is 9, so college is a bit off. I do have a 529 plan to which I contribute money to go towards her college. She knows that I will not entirely fund her college career and I stress to her how important it is to continue to do well in school, extracurricular activites and volunteering, so that she can have a good chance at scholarships.

If the courts want to force payment of college than it should be 1/3 1/3 and 1/3. Mom, and Dad and kid. Otherwise why the heck should dad have to pay 65%? either parent should not be legally bound to this. I know BM is going to want kids to go to college so she can still collect Child Support becuz she has become a C.P. Welfare chick with DH as the funded welfare system. Since when are people not expected to work for their own stuff. The kid needs to pay with loans or working, etc.