skids showed up gifts in tow...
Maybe I have unreal expectations... FAthers day, birthday the skids show up with personalized gifts for SO. Typically pictures with writing by BM and SD6 framed. This year SO said something after fathers day because it was clear BM was making the gifts with the kids (more so her especially with ss2). He finally didn't get anything for his bday. One gift BM actually fakes SD6 writing but did it herself (we could tell because SD6 writes ccertain letters backwards.
Back to today... skids show up with gift bags one for me one for SO. I took a peak in SOs bag.. classic picture frame with childrens writting and a picture of the two kids. Frankly it wouldnt bother me if BM took thrm shopping anf they picked something out of the cheap holiday isle. I dont want that hanging in my home. Is that overly selfish?
I do understand for the first year it os good for the kids to go shopping for parents. BM has a bf and I am with SO... what is wrong with shopping within the household? they have been seperated for just over 2 years. I dunno if I am just being territorial and irrational because of pregnancy. Like I said I wouldnt have a problem if it had been something the kids had clearly picked out on their own but a personalized picture frame? Thoughts ladies?
After I wouldn't let SS14
After I wouldn't let SS14 live in my home any more (well I did give DSO the option of getting his own place to live with his kids), DSO gets a pic in the mail of him holding SS14 in the hospital. SS was a preemie and you can see the hurt and pain in DSOs eyes.
Not a guilt picture at all...eyes rolling in circles.
*gurgle* I threw up in my
*gurgle* I threw up in my mouth a little.
That fact that BM is teaching
That fact that BM is teaching her kids to give both of you gifts on various holidays is a good thing. She instilling something that should stay with them into adulthood.
I agree with this. Also her
I agree with this. Also her being the BM and they are making the gifts, of course she is going to help them. I don't know, just being a BM myself who likes to make things with my children, I just don't think there is anything wrong with it since it is for their father and I find it nice that she included a gift for you too. Its also teaching the kids to respect you too by letting them know they should get you something also. Just my opinion.
My opinion exactly... not
My opinion exactly... not saying no gifts at all just saying keep it to gifts from the skids.
Case and point! One year SO
Case and point! One year SO got a list of all the reasons SD loved him this past fathers day. SD, when asked what was on the list had NO IDEA. Same situation with us BM gets obscene amounts of money from SO court ordered and gets a kick out of controlling access how she sees fit aka maybe 5 days a month. Its disgusting.
Ugh, faking her children's
Ugh, faking her children's handwriting? Seriously? This is some of the most delusional shit I have ever heard!
I understand BM passing on stuff from the kids, but these are gifts from HER to DH, and she is not part of YOUR family.
So creepy and gross, I totally understand how this weirds you out.
The kids do not get DH or me
The kids do not get DH or me any gifts for Christmas, birthdays, nothing. And we like it that way. We don't need presents from the kids. We also do not take the kids gift shopping for their mom. However, BM does do the gifts "from the kids" for MIL and FIL. Last year for Christmas it was a Saints from that BM made. The kids gave it to FIL. He put on a good face for the kids but you could tell he didn't want anything made or bought by BM.
If BM was in the picture,
If BM was in the picture, then it was to be mean. If it was just the two kids, she was helping them do something nice for their father.
We picked out nice gifts for our skids to give BM and her BF this year. I even wrapped them. The kids filled out the tags. Why? Because they need to learn to give and not just receive. If I had time, I'd have taken them shopping but I was behind myself so I didn't. It's not about the money or the time, it's teaching them not to sit in their lily pads and received from everyone.
Here is my issue... she is!
Here is my issue... she is! If you have seen some of my posts she on ebery other occasion has been a psychotic BM from hell. Yet every few months will somehow decide she wants to do something nice like she wants to be in SOs good books! This woman has told her children horrible things about their father and alienated him fro. His children. Has verbally attacked me to the point where I can no longer be at exchanges without feeling threatened. She has stalked our home... there is even a active police file. Then she will pull a complete 180 and do something like this.
When my kids were young, they
When my kids were young, they chose what to give their Dad. They knew *I* was okay with whatever they decided - make, buy, etc. They found early that making was pointless. Why? None of those gifts were ever seen in his home or office. so they started to ask me to take them shopping - which I did, with them being allowed to choose. Yes - they liked the cheesy ornaments/photos w/the fake kids' writing/pix of themselves. For their Dad. What a horrible thing for them to want to give or for me to pay for. Guess what? It had nothing to do with his wife. She has her own kids to get her gifts. It actually is NOT always about sticking it to stepmom.
I agree with you I dont think
I agree with you I dont think it has anything to do with sticking it to me I never did. She has however painted a very good picture of utter jealousy with myself... I honestly feel pitty for her new live in bf I hope he knows some of the emails which she has sent him and some of the gifts he has gotten. I simply dont feel I should have to have gifts made by BM hanging in my home. I think she is delusional enough that she wouldnt even realize that it would piss me off she just wants a part in our family life.
Faking the kids writing was
Faking the kids writing was probably a mark of respect. If BM wanted to make you uncomfortable she would've just used her own hand writing. BM is teaching her children it's nice to give, she's not teaching them that they get everything and give nothing. She is teaching them to respect and include you, I think you are very lucky she is raising her children this way.
Faking sd6 handwritting?
Faking sd6 handwritting? There is no respect behind that and no reason for it. Sd6 had already done writting there was no reason for her to fake more.
How do you know she didn't
How do you know she didn't hold the girl's hand and help her write the rest? She could have spelled the words as they wrote them together.
Mom may be an awful woman. But what she did with the gifts wasn't mean or nasty. It was a kind and thoughtful.
I wish i had your problems.
I wish i had your problems. Seriously.
Lol trust me this a minor
Lol trust me this a minor problem I was more just curious what people thought of it!
I understand where you are
I understand where you are all coming from with the respect stuff. I dont have a problem with the gifts, yes I find it annoying but that is a valid point. My problem is BM making and choosing presents then letting the kids do something to HER gift. I dont want it in my home.. to me that isnt to much to ask for. If the kids like doing crafts with their mother thats fine keep them at moms home. I guess I have a hard time accepting it in my home. Wondering if anyone else has the same feelings or situation.
They're too young to do it
They're too young to do it themselves. She's teaching them by helping them with the initial purchase and letting them customize it.
You're just letting this get under your skin instead of seeing it for what it is and what so many SM's on this board want.. the kids learning to appreciate their father.
If you chase her away with this now, you'll end up with skids that, when old enough, don't know how to get thoughtful gifts for your DH and that will be worse.
I have a feeling that in my home the skids will arrive tomorrow with nothing for their father, despite the fact I've given them money and asked them to. BM knows there is always a gift for her and I'll betcha she "didn't have time" to take them shopping. As of yesterday there was still no gifts at all for their father.
I say give the BM an award for teaching their children to appreciate their father.
I understand your point and
I understand your point and agree with you to a degree. I dont understand why you cannot take the skids shopping and im guessing neither can she. If you want something sentimental that should come from you and the skids. That responsibility stopped being hers when they stopped having a sentimental relationship.
SO has asked BM to let the kids do their own thing.. and she still sends home made gifts clearly made by her therein lies the problem. Its not the gifts its who they are actually coming from! SO and I have started taking the skids shopping for each other ourselves therefore still teaching them sentimental value. If she would like to teach them the value of giving she is more then welcome to take them out to pick a simple item on their own to give to their father... I am not saying that BM helping them do a gift is the problem here its the gift and its obvious lack of skid involvement that is the problem.
I absolutely agree jacksgal.
I absolutely agree jacksgal. The BM is also teaching them to respect their fathers partner. This BM sounds like a good mother. These kids should grow to be respectful well mannered kids. I hope lil lady can see the long term value in what these kids are being taught now instead of feeling resentful.
I agree.
I agree.