I don't know if there are many other happy firsts SOs family can take from me.
So I am officially done... Someone tell me if I am being unreasonable here. I travelled 5 hours to have my sons 1st birthday around SOs family and mine. My mom got sick and couldn't come (totally not her fault). My SOs sister had her baby on Tues night so it seemed like perfect timing. We left thursday and have planned his party on sat since over a month ago. Well there are two suites here separated by a hall way. Low and behold his sister has planned to have all of her boyfriends family over the exact hour that my sons birthday ends. SO and his brother aren't getting along so the entire "party" consisted of his brother sitting in the other suite with his sister and the new baby and his mom/SIL running between the suites. They had a disagreement on Friday because SO doesn't have any desire to be close with his fiancé (SOs Silver) because she insists on maintaining a close relationship with Bm. The SIL refers to BM as her sister and family. To boot by the time we got to presents everyone had left and my son opened his gifts on his own. Why? Because his family had come... And everyone went to visit at his sisters suite. I totally understand his sister and bf leaving to host their family thing and have his family meet the baby. I am so disappointed and angry I spent the night outside of my ss's room trying to put him down. I would rather listen to him screaming than be around anyone. Oh and to boot the boyfriends family is also BMs family.
At the end of the night once everyone had left everyone was acting completely casual. Like nothing was wrong
wrong. I guess SO lost it on them half way through the party. But then they all left before we did gifts. He didn't get one gift from any of SOs family except his estranged sister who stayed for the whole thing and gave him a gift. It's the first time we have met her. Now everyone is acting like everything is fine and normal and I am left feeling irrational and crazy.
One baby was celebrating a
One baby was celebrating a birthday and one baby was just born. Since both babies were in the same place, it only natural that the family would spend time with both kids. Were the family members there to sing happy birthday and have cake? If so, why was missing out on opening the gifts such a bad thing?
Sounds like a nightmare:( I
Sounds like a nightmare:( I agree with notasm. Never, NEVER again.
Yup pretty much I am honestly
Yup pretty much I am honestly at the point that I want nothing to do with them. I will leave the house if they come to visit. Which is awsome because not only have they completely ruined every experience in had with my first born son for the first year at wedding will be completely miserable aswell. Guaranteed he won't say a God damn thing.
Well first off no some of the
Well first off no some of the family didn't even come for the cake. Secondly I sure as shit would not plan an event and drag everyone away from a birthday party for one freaking day. Sorry not even one day literally 6 hours. Any other day they could have come to see baby. Even in the morning. We where there for 3 days and during that time not one person visited except for the evening that was my sons party.
Why would they waste all
Why would they waste all weekend going back and forth when they could just spend time with both kids during one trip?
As long as you and your husband were there, then that is all that matters. It is2 like they just blew the party off, they made time for both kids. Why isn't that good enough?
It was more a family get
It was more a family get together. SO hasn't seen his family since Christmas. And it was only supposed to be a few hours but I was behind with the cake. I honestly would have been happy if anyone had come over for the 2 hour stretch of cake and presents but apparently that couldn't happen either.
It's a building with a loft
It's a building with a loft like place up top. They have two different kitchen/living room areas. Then everyone has their own room. That's my point half the family didn't come over at all and the other half spent about half their time in the other living room. The family that came over to see the baby is close with Bm and have made it very clear they want nothing to do with SO.
Seriously it can be that
Seriously it can be that painful when you hdon't get to see family more than 2x a year to sit and visit for more than a couple hours. What I was saying is they should have stuck around for the presents if they where going to come over and eat cake.
Yep, when the toxic spawn it
Yep, when the toxic spawn it is an extremely invasive thing. We struggled with this for years and it got to a truly disgusting level when my eldest BIL and his bovine bride spawned. She turned into an evil, toxic, manipulative POS and made it her mission in life to isolate her husband (my wife eldest brother) from his family. It worked for about 6 years until I finally got sick of the incessant family drama in my IL clan. They are the most backstabbing, shit slinging, redneck drama queens (men included) imaginable. Someone is always on the ShitBird seat. As the eldest OutLaw in the family and the one with the least amount of give-a-shit I finally started bareing all of their asses for the bullshit. Of course my wife has never participated in the toothless redneck drama fest and as the only member of the family to be educated and a professional (BS/MBA/CPA) she is more frequently on the ShitBird seat than anyone else. The whole family considers my wife and I the idiot city folks who just don't unner-stan how tha reel world is workin.
We took a major road trip to visit my ILs mid year 2010. The bovine bride pulled her usual shit, my wife was in tears, and I finally lost it. I told my wife I would not hear another word about the bullshit unless someone stepped up and confronted the bovine bride and her ball-less husband for their manipulative bullshit. My wife had avoided confronting the situation and had forbidden me to confront it because she thought her mother would be furious that we had rocked the boat. When I told her to deal with it or I would she picked up the phone, called her brother and his wife and called them out for their bullshit. It got nasty with screaming and yelling and hang ups. Rather than let the bovine bride manipulate further my wife called everyone else. To my utter shock MIL welcomed the news and said "Finally, someone has taken a step to fix this bullshit.". FIL was a bit tight jawed about it, BIL2 was happy that it had come to a head and my SIL (DW's youngest sib)was pissed off that my wife had upset the bovine bride and BIL1. It took another 18mos for things to settle out and start to improve and had to act as the facilitator and mediator to keep everyone focused on improvement rather than rehashing past offenses, etc...
Now 4.5 years after the initial blow up/confrontation everyone is actually in a good place and getting along well. But .... they still put someone in the ShitBird seat even when things are going well.
Your ILs sound much like mine. Mine suffer from the worst case of me, me, me, pay attention to me, when anyone has something good going the rest of them have to try to denigrate the person experiencing some success and turn into attention whores. When they are doing something stupid they will try to convince themselves and everyone else that what they are doing makes perfect sense . I call it Ostrich Mode or Emperors New Clothes Syndrome. Though there is always someone in the ShitBird seat no one will ever actually say anything to them but as soon as the current ShitBird is out of earshot they all start blathering about them. Of course they all would swear that they never said anything about it to anyone.
Hopefully your DH jerking a knot in their tails will start to give them clarity. If it doesn't, turn up the confrontation until something breaks loose and clarity starts to be realized in the clan.
This is what worked in getting my IL clan to pull their heads out of their butts. At least partially.
Good luck.