Hey I think that is pretty cheap $2000 for a car for a teenager. Thank God it is not a new car!!! Plus a new car would need full coverage insurance!!! It will cost money to maintain the cheap one though! As long as he does not pay the gas,etc. Put your foot down girl, he should not maintain or buy anything for the car once they get it!! Sounds like the mother will drive it anyways until SD16 gets license. Remember he probably only needs to pay child support until age 18 unless the mom takes him to court for more while his daughter is in college.

My SS is 16 with permit to drive. His FDH is so darn nice!! Was thinking of giving him a really nice Truck we own for college in a couple years...I said no!..first it is almost $200 for one tire...really??? What Teen can maintain that in college? Okay, should he get a car at all?..Maybe after 1st or second year of college he can have the new Ford his FDH bought the other day. I am not on the title, or loan for this car since I do not want to make the payments should something happen to my spouse. I know his ex will not pay a red cent and I would be left with the debt. By disengaging, I will not be on any Loans for college or anything for my SS. That is his parents job. His mother pays nothing except clothes and contact lenses.

I am so done with this!! Thanks for hearing me out! Hope this helps! I am going through this too.

I'm still stuck on "he put the car in her name and pay the insurance with the child support she receives"?? Really? If he wants SD to have a car that's one thing (as long as you aren't expected to pay for any part of it) but he's a fool if he thinks BM will work with him on this. I know that if my DH bought his son a car and put it in BM's name it would be a HUGE waste of money. She would trash it or sell it and SS wouldn't ever get to use it.

All money needs to be split and share expenses, but not for kids. DH pays for his and I pay for ours. Makes this easy. As for gas, that was always on my kid to figure out. Also, the car didn't go to college. Insurance was too expensive and the parking fees. He can give her the car, but then you need to separate your finances.

As for the car, insurance was expensive and we covered that, but only if the grades were high. For BS that is 4.0, for SS the bar is lower at 3.0.

Let this one go, but definitely start to separate your money, so this doesn't bother you as much. Sounds like he has no conditions for SD and the car and that will bother you on top of this. If you have no money, into it, maybe you won't hate this so much....

if my dh "gave" bm a car, we'd divorce (I don't do the bullshit "it's for the kids"). and, that's exactly what he's doing by not making bm pony up her half. if you intend on staying in this marriage, I agree 100% with Jsmom. IF your dh has any money left over after his share of your joint expenses, savings goals for your and his life, and retirement is taken care of (without one red cent of your money in the pot), by all means, allow him to give to his heart's content.

tell him you will need upfront payment of estimated household expenses for the time he is off work for surgery, plus the cost of his surgery.

Then he can pay for cars/gas money/car insurance.

Both my brother and I had cars our senior years of high school...they were both junkers that got us from point a to point b. They were more out of convenience for my parents than anything. Look at it this way...once SD does get her license, there need be no worries about "exchanging" her, she can go where she pleases between your two homes. (I always try to look for silver linings in things that annoy me.

Beyond that, you've said your piece to DH about it. In the meantime, I would double check all finances, and make sure your money is not going in support of this. I do that when something similar goes on...and even if you don't go as far as keeping a separate bank account, just crunching the numbers will help you to see the reality of the situation. In my case, DH spent WAY too much on SS11, for no reason. SS11 shortly afterwards brought home a report card with a D average. I was super pissed. I crunched the numbers, DH told me SS is getting nothing for Xmas, that was basically it, and I made sure none of my money touches paying that off. It's kind of therapeutic.

Also, venting in these forums for a week really helped too. You have every right to be upset when DH makes $$ decisions for kids without your input...because it IS your money too. And things like this are bound to happen once in a while. It's part of the joy of being married, and raising kids that aren't yours....your money is also going to be part of that equation. And it's frustrating, because you get so little say everywhere else in raising them.

I think taking a step back, a deep breath, and asking yourself, "how fatal is this REALLY"? will definitely help. I'm literally going through the same dilemma with you right now...and when your options boil down to divorce, or letting it roll off you, what's really the best decision for you in the long run?

What's my comfort of choice for the day: Xanax or alcohol?

I find it repulsive that these parents are buying cars for their kids!!! I bought my first car, which was a junker, with money I earned from a part-time job. Neither of my parents paid for my car, nor did they pay for my gas or insurance. I did. If I couldn't afford gas, to bad, I wasn't driving anywhere.

A car and driver's license is a priviledge, not a right or requirement.

I'm in the same boat. DH is giving SDstb16 his old vehicle for her 16th Birthday. He ought to be glad he had it before he and I got together and I have nothing to do with it because she wouldn't be getting it outright. I've suggested he sell it to her for a small amount of $$, because in my mind she doesn't appreciate anything because everthing is given to her. He will have no parts of it. Every time she mentions "her car" it makes me want to vomit.

I don't have any advice...sorry! I'm lucky that DH and I have separate finances so his decision to baby and support his daughter has little to no affect on me.

We had a similar situation was SD turned 17. DH bought SD a $6000 car. He expected BM to insure it since he bought the car. She refused, so he insured it himself. So he bought her the car (and she really didn't deserve it.) he insured it, and he had to maintain it. It got to a point where SD would take it to the local mechanic and DH would be mailed a bill by the mechanic, the work already having been done. Spineless that DH can be at times, he went ahead and paid for all repairs. Finally, after a year and a half later, also a court battle with BM later, DH signed the car over to SD. He then stopped paying anything for the car. All maintenance and insurance was on SD and BM (SD never lived with us.)

It took me a long time to get past DH just throwing money away on an entitled, spoiled brat. Especially when he said that our children would not get cars because they would live with us and be able to just borrow one of ours. Uh, no. Now that he set the precedent, my children will be given cars (as long as they are good kids and I feel they deserve them...if they are entitled brats the way SD is, forget it.)