Step Daughter might have to live with DH and I for a while!!!1
My step daughter(4) may have to move in with us in April 2014 because BM maybe deployed!!! Husband is really happy and hoping the BM gets deployed because that means little princess will have to stay with us. It wouldn't be a problem if she wasn't so bad and felt so entitle to everything under the sun. I have two daughters one from a previous marriage(3yrs) and one from DH(9mos). DH daughter doesn't have any respect for no one that's including DH and BM. When she came to visit last week she got everything she wanted and didn't even say thank you. DH feels like the sun rise and sets on her a**. When she doesn't get what she wants she hits, kicks, and worst of all spits!! She belittles my oldest daughter by telling her she isn't family. When she acts out DH makes excuses for her. On top of her acting out at home, she acts out at school hitting and spitting on children and teachers. If she really doesn't get her way she pees on her self on purpose. Now that pisses me off!! I really hope and prayer her mother doesn't get deployed. If she does and step daughter comes to live with us it may be the end of DH and I marriage because I don't like disobedient children and he seems to not care to give SD any kind of structure because she is a princess!!! }:) Thanks for letting me vent!!
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You'd get, what, 6 months to a year with the kid full time, no BM? At that age you can TOTALLY change that kid's world in that amount of time BUT your dh needs to be on board. I'd get him to agree to a "chore/behavior" chart for both the older girls. They're old enough to do things like "picked up my toys" "helped clean up after dinner" "brushed my teeth before bed". Then at the end of the week if they BOTH have a certain number of stickers, stars, whatever, they get a treat together like the family goes out for ice cream or to a movie. Make sure they're held accountable together, not "Oh, she did it so she can have the treat, you didn't so you can't" because then your dh may feel it's unfair (as they always do when their speshul snowflakes don't get a treat). And, really, you can harness the power of siblings and making them police each other
"Hey, if you don't pick up your toys WE don't get ice cream!" and maybe they'll learn to HELP each other, too, to get the shared reward.
First time a kid spit/peed on
First time a kid spit/peed on me or inside a house or car s/he would get slapped once good and hard. That would be the end of it in front of me anyway. Let someone call the police I'd just get probation if they were able to prove it.
Meanwhile tell your husband that he will have to set up another residence for himself and the kid while she is with him full time. Perhaps a bachelor apartment where two single beds can be accommodated. Explain its not a divorce or even a separation its just that you're not living with his kid.
Tell him he can bring the kid over for dinner after work providing she can behave.
If he ends up divorcing it may be for the best.
Thanks everyone for the
Thanks everyone for the advice. DH and I just had a big fight about my DD and SD. He can say whatever he want to me about my DD and he expects me to listen and understand. But when I being to tell him about how his daughter from hell acts out and ways to work on improvement. He gets very upset and thinks I am being the wicked step mother. All I am trying to do is give her some structure. But no princess is unable to do any wrong!! I hate to see how she will be in 10 years. I am so pissed right now!! I all most want to pack my bags and children up and leave.
Holy shit! I reached for the
Holy shit! I reached for the box of tissues and started groping for a huge bottle of wine to send to you..
Echo's advice is solid! I would definitely try to get DH to see that he now needs to be on his best parenting mode. If he doesn't step up then, I don't see why you shouldn't! He wants to do the best by his kid - which means he needs to start teaching her respect, consideration and most importantly for her age right now - to learn how to live with others.
Raising an entitled kid with no discipline is just begging for trouble in her future.