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We are SO frustrated

fifi709's picture

Submitted by fifi709 on Wed, 02/25/2015 - 10:30pm

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Blended Family Issues

If you've been following my posts you'll know that my DH just got deployed. He hasn't been gone long but since he's left SS doesn't want to stay here anymore and only wants BM. And since he's been spending more time with BM he's been so bad. Temper tantrums, arguing, rude, and won't listen. DH feels powerless to do anything and we are both fed up already. We have given him everything and more but in the end he still wants BM who doesn't give a shit about him and will most likely abandon him again once she gives birth to her fourth kid. DH and I feel like just giving up. What do you do when you do so much for them and they still don't want you?

Mikhaila87's picture

Submitted by Mikhaila87 on Thu, 02/26/2015 - 2:33am

How come the SS is with you when he can live with the BM when your partner is away?
Giving children all of what they want is never a good idea. One I have learnt the hard way.
They need to know what "want" feels like otherwise they just don't have the drive to behave or to do anything for the reward.
How old is the SS?
If my partner went away, the BM would say, it is your day so you sort the cover...I would be the last person he asked because he wouldn't want that on me. What about grandparents?

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Thu, 02/26/2015 - 6:31am

Meh, give the kid a break. He's been run through a lengthy custody battle, his dad just went off on deployment for months and months and he's got two females bickering over him like two cats over a saucer of cream.

It's not personal. It's also not unnatural for a child to love and want his mother (no matter how rotten you think the BM is or may actually be). Especially considering his father just left him. Yes, I realize the father didn't abandon the kid. Dad was deployed. Gotta go. But to a child he'll still miss the guy and still be perhaps somewhat angry Daddy had to go.

fifi709's picture

Submitted by fifi709 on Thu, 02/26/2015 - 4:01pm

When did I every say I was buying his loyalty? DH and I do not spoil him whatsoever, he only gets toys on christmas, birthday, and etc. When I said that we give him everything I meant that we are always there for him, very involved in his life, and pay attention and play with him. Never did I say that I am bribing him or trying to buy his love.

fifi709's picture

Submitted by fifi709 on Thu, 02/26/2015 - 4:02pm

When did I every say I was buying his loyalty? DH and I do not spoil him whatsoever, he only gets toys on christmas, birthday, and etc. When I said that we give him everything I meant that we are always there for him, very involved in his life, and pay attention and play with him. Never did I say that I am bribing him or trying to buy his love. Nor am I trying to compete with BM. It is just a big difference because in the past he has always wanted me over her, and now that she's starting to show up a little more often he's changed his mind.