I agree with the rest...LEAVE! I will say that I am not usually one to tell people to just leave a relationship and really hate it when people say the same thing to me because I don't believe in just dumping a marriage or a long term relationship as EVERY relationship has problems....but if your DH is not willing to take your side, it's not a marriage anyway.

Turning a 2year old BABY from his mother??!!? :jawdrop: I just can't fathom that! That's worthy of leaving and/or putting these people in their place right then and there. Passive personality or not, this is a young, impressionable mind that is your CHILD you are allowing them to turn against you for no reason whatsoever!

As said above, you are not a slave, you are supposed to be a partner. If he cannot see that, then your marriage is over anyway, whether you are physically there or not....and whether this is the "man of your dreams" that you claim. He may be your ideal mate, but you are certainly not his and nobody deserves that.

I would also stop doing anything for the kids. If you are deciding not to leave or if you have to get things in order first, do not cook, do not clean, do not do anything for them. DISENGAGE immediately! You take care of yourself and your child only and let everyone else fend for themselves until they either learn to respect all that you do for them or until it comes a time that you can get out.

My comments are often deleted because as a former stepchild, I don't see current stepchildren as less than human ever. I am also a mother of grown children, so I often sympathize with the fathers who want their children to be happy, who annoy stepmothers by showing love and care for their kids. That's because I know how strong the bond between parent and child should be and often is. The well-being of a child is any parent's primary concern. You have a serious problem here because while your husband's duties run to his children and also to your son, your real duties are to your son. Unlike your step children, he has no other mother. These stepchildren may be terrible to you (and it sounds like they truly are), but the damage they can inflict on you for your entire life lies in their influence on your son. It hardly matters what makes them act the way they do, but they are destroying your child's relationship to you and that is his primary bond to the world now and for many years to come. If that relationship goes, what's up for your son? Drugs? Domestic Violence? Suicide? Criminality? The stsepchildren have set a pattern now that I doubt anyone can shift. If you want to remain in your house, you need to get them out of it; if you cannot get them out, then you need to go. If they cannot return to their mother, think boarding school. This does not mean some fancy place in New England. They have very cheap ones, for example, in India! Characterize going to school there as an exciting adventure. It may be that they hate living with both of their parents and would be pleased to go. I heard about the Indian schools from an Indian cab driver who was putting a pack of kids through them on his cab driver income.
There's probably one of the stepkids who is the leader -- get him or her out, and the youngest might fall into line.

Reading your post brought a tear to my eyes I can feel the despair you are going through. Something needs to change otherwise you are going to burn out. How can DH think you are the problem?!!! Stop doing their chores stop catering to their needs and stop listening to them you know who you are and you know you are a good mother, cook and person. Hold onto that as it sounds like they are not over their BM and Dad' split and are trying and succeeding at alienating you. Its only been 3 months and the first while is the worst you just need to learn what your boundaries are and then enforce them and if your DH or the skids don't like it they can stick it where the sun don't shine. Good luck to you and know that you can make it through this.

Time to cook only for you and DS-2. Instead of cleaning, pile their dirty crap in the middle of their beds. Their dirty dishes, laundry, etc... all of it. DH included. Your DH and his older spawn being assholes does not destroy your identity or your accomplishments as a chef so do not let them to it. When they bitch about what you cook, calmly stand up and dump it on their heads or in their laps then calmly instruct them to clean it up and feed themselves. When they screw with you by spouting on about how wonderfully happy DH/BM and they were, ask them why if things were so wonderful their BM and BioDad are not together or ask them pointedly about factual BM crap that you know about or how they each (DH, SS1, SS2) contributed to the demise of their reportedly utopian former family.

Do not let these toxic crotch drippings screw with you. Destroy them. Completely and systematically. Not in a crazy ranting way but in an intellectual and detailed way. DH and both of the Skids have forfeit any second thoughts on your part IMHO. They have long abandoned any quarter that they should receive from you. Tell DH once, and only once, that he either puts his hands between his legs, grabs a handfull of sack and gets his spawn under control or you will and he and they will be miserable. Then do it.

As for DS-2. You can fix this. Start swatting his butt when he gets lippy with you and let him see you calmly shred the StepSpawn and your abusive and sackless husband. Start being his primary parent. You interface with him, play with him, comfort him and care for him.

Have an exit strategy ready to get you and your DS-2 far away from these toxic jackasses. I would not put much more time in to this marriage were I you. I would be packing DS-2 and myself and be ready to go at a moments notice. Better yet, be ready to rekey the locks when DH and the StepSpawn leave and file for a separation and emergency custody of DS-2.

For sure you should not accept how DH is treating you and how he is encouraging his toxic penis puddles to treat you. DH nor the dick drippings have earned the right to be treated as human with how they treat you so do not treat them as anything but toxic play things to destroy as completely and enjoyably as you chose.

In a calm, rational and professional way of course.

Your post about your DH and his spawn tightened my jaw so much that I have a headache. WOW!!!! Grrrrrrr!!!!! If I were you I would be setting the stage to take DH for every penny he will ever earn and keep his toxic ass on the hook for piles of CS for a long, long time. I would not give a second thought to relegating the StepSpawn to destitution. You will need every penny to counter the influence of the shallow and toxic end of the gene pool that your DS-2 will have to contend with for the rest of his life. And I am a man for Christ sake. Even with my SS’s SpermIdiot I have not ever been as aggravated as I am about your DH’s behavior and lack of character. Wow! I made it a point to smack the crap out of my SS’s SpermIdiot and SpermClan when they got stupid and give them clear understanding that they could be reasoable or I would destroy them but your DH and his elder spawn take the need to destroy the toxic blended family elements to a whole new level. Most of us only have to deal with toxic Skids and a toxic X or two. Few of us have to battle all of that and a toxic spouse on top of it.

IMHO of course.

Have fun!
}:)

Disengage. Protect yourself from the hurt these assholes are inflicting on you and focus your energies on making YOU feel better about being you. Once you are clear about your boundaries and have the strength to enforce them (no favors for jerks, no slaving away working hard for people who treat you like crap, no effort whatsoever for those who neither appreciate nor reciprocate), you will find that you are happier and the world looks brighter. Your little boy WILL respond to that. Kids know on a deeper level who is happy and who is miserable, and they will gravitate toward happy all day long.

Your DH, if he's truly the man of your dreams, will want you to be happy and respected, and will stop at nothing to get you the support you need to feel that way. If he does anything less, you need better dreams because this guy isn't good enough. You deserve respect. Disengage from these rotten skids and respect yourself. They'll either fall in line or they won't but you WILL feel better, I promise. Been there myself with three sd's who could have written the handbook for being rotten and disengaging saved my sanity and my marriage.

Good luck!

I deal with the same kinda stuff, the ignoring me when Dad isn't around. Skids are sd16 and ss1d. Man do they think they are hot s**t. Everythings always my fault somehow, if I complain then I'm the one with the problem! Wth?! We've even had fights in front of them cause they won't do chores. I have completely disengaged with them. I've stopped asking, reminding them to do their chores,(sore subject between me and DH.) This is only a small percent of what is going on here. Some things are much worse. They are a bad influence on my bd14. Introduced her to everything drinking porn, lying, stealing and who knows what else. The worst was when sd brought up the story of the "light house' where she was concieved. Nice conversation to have in front of me huh? Sometimes I wonder how much of this crap is really coming from them, or is psychoBM telling them what to say. You might consider that a possibility. If they see me in public they avoid me and ignore me. I know the hate me that's why I won't do anything for them ever! Unless I have to help DH out. I can tell you one thing that's for sure its never gunna get any better. I've been dealing with it for almost ten years. I regret chosing to marry him and if I could I'd leave but can't work cause of disability. I feel your pain, hang in there!

My eyes tear for you, but I feel angry on your behalf at the same time. To feel so under attack in your own home. Step kids, well you learn, sadly, to expect the worst, but your husband and your little boy.

Your son being unkind to you, and people thinking it is cute or encouraging the behavior is wrong. It is time to take a firm stance on such things. He is two, so it most likely will be outgrown, but others should never be permitted to encourage his antics.

As for the other two, let him deal. You have done more than enough. You are probably reminded you aren't their mom, so don't be their chief cook, bottle washer and abuse target. They need to learn it does not work both ways. If you treat someone terribly, they won't do anything for you, and at best they will be ignored. Don't reward their awful ways. Let their father take care of them.

Good thoughts, and best wishes.