So here we are with two girls, one a pre-freshman and one a pre-junior in high school. They are shy, and socially behind their peers. They have never addressed the grief of their mother and their father has been absent in their daily care. The first chore is to try to get to know them. (My children were out of the house by this time and totally accepting of the man that I was dating so I wont include them in much of the story...) We had our date nights and date nights with them, dinner and movies so on and so forth.
The problems with the oldest began the day they invited me to dinner at their home for the first time. Our prior events we either camped or did things at my home as I am more the planner and organizer and my husband is more the kicked back type. I was pleased the girls wanted to cook for me and excited to go. Until I got to the house. The downstairs was picked up and vacumed and such, but there was an OVERWHELMING smell of cat urine in the house. The walls were riddled with the remenants of the woman they had all lost, as nothing had been touched or dusted since her passing. (this was 8 years after her death) I didnt prejudge, it was more an understanding and we had a decent dinner and small talk. We started watching a movie and the oldest went up to take a bath... at 7 pm. Inspite of continuous knocks and her sister hollering at 11 pm this girl was STILL in the bathroom. And to find out this was a DAILY event. In the middle of this,I met the CATS. One was just plain ornery but the oldest ones cat, was a long haired extremely overweight feline that had FECES stuck all around her legs and back end and she climbed up ON the furniture and they held and pet her. Now I am not one to complain about other peoples homes, however this is just unsanitary not to mention discusting. When said child emerged from the bathroom and then picked up the cat, I could not help myself but to say..."You really should get her to the vet and get that cleaned off of her as matts hurt animals and it is unclean". The dirty look could have knocked me off my chair, not to mention the embarassment on her fathers face. I didnt mean to over step my bounds, HOWEVER there was NO way, I could make it a habit of coming to this house with that kind of dismay with the animals.
My boyfriend and I talked. The cat had been an ongoing issue since they got them. He had given in and allowed them to have them against his better judgement to keep them company. Out of some sort of pity, the girls were frequently allowed things without earning or caring for them. It happens and I understood, however anyone with an ounce of sense knows that you are not doing them any good in the long run of life by trying to pay off their grief.
The holidays came, and the youngest and I were getting closer as the war of the cat care started to rage. The home the girls lived in had two bedrooms. The father slept in the living room giving the two girls their own space. Because of prior troubles with the cats, and the failure to take care of the boxes, dad made them each have their own box in their rooms. I made the mistake one day when alone, to open the doors of their rooms hoping I could clean the boxes out myself to help ease the issues. HOLY SHIT! The oldest ones room was an 8x10 catbox. You could open the door about a foot and their was literally shit mixed in with papers, lotions clothes makeup, dishes, food up to your waste high! The physical cat box was in the corner of the room with about a half cup of litter, panties, socks you name it in the box.
I quickly shut the door and waited for my boyfriend to get back and hit him with the facts! This is bull shit, you cant let her live this way, and they have GOT to start growing up! When she got home from school it was laid on the line, it will be cleaned up and we will help. We will take the cat to the vet and pay to have it cleaned up and start fresh. She was furious! Oh well was all that was said and the trash cans were brought in. 13 lawn garbage bags later, she still had under her bed and behind her bed to do, but good lord there was a floor. Amid the mess were articles of the mothers she had blatantly let get ruined which broke the heart of her father, but we pressed on.
For christmas that year, I made both girls photo albums of their mother. In them were pictures of her graduation and as a little girl, pictures of her wedding to their father, and their births. And I included a letter from me that stated how moms thought about their teenage girls, and that I was sure that she watched over them and if she were alive to say words, she would express pride and hope they would have happy lives. I also included journals and pens so they could write her every day they missed her. They took me weeks and phone calls and help from friends to create, and as the youngest one cried, the oldest cast it aside because it wasnt the stereo she wanted. Oh well.
As time passed, I was able to get them into the right under garments, and my boyfriend started taking a more active role in their lives. With the more active role, came more rules, which were fine with the youngest however the oldest could not grasp why she could not get on the computer when she had two fs in her classes. The room and cat box werent cleaned so the movies were out which was met with such harsh words as.... YOU ARE THE ONE THAT SHOULD HAVE DIED. This is the first time that my mouth over rode my commen sense and I fell into the evil bitch stance. We quite literaly had it OUT! About the way she tried to manipulate her dad, about the way she spoke to him, about her failure to be responsible for anything. I had talked her dad into getting her a 400$ prom dress only to watch her throw it on the floor of the vehicle we took to the city to get it. She was stealing money from a bank account her father had for her, and she was telling her grandparents that we were demon spawn and calling her names to get them angry with us.
The boil had begun to fester.....