Why are you surprised? Many bm's use child support for themselves and then claim its for the kid. I count down the years until my husband is done paying. I know how terrible that sounds but he never sees the kid anyways and bm is a crazy b who felt like he should be responsible. BM makes really good money and really doesn't even need it while he struggles because of all the money that goes to her just so she can drive a new car and buy name brand clothes. The least this bm could do is buy the kid nice clothes. If she only pays 300 in rent the utilities are prob min. and it sounds like she doesn't pay for food or taxes so what is she spending the $ on would be my question! Does she have a problem that is not being addressed?

I always used my CS to help on the house payment with the thought that I'm the custodial parent providing the home for my sons. However, being married to DH who has an ex-wife that is making a career out of receiving government assistance, I know that it gets abused. One year she conveniently had a temper tantrum about child support not being enough, her life was hard, too many bills to pay, and oh yeah, her daughter's birthday was coming up and she had no money for presents. Why my DH has to provide more CS so she can buy presents for a child that isn't his is beyond me, but that is exactly what happened. Two days after the tantrum his check arrived and the next thing you know she is having a huge ass birthday party at a party place in our mall and buying her 1 yr old daughter a tutu for the party, all of which was plastered all over Facebook. Wonder where her windfall of money came from?? And yet this past year she didn't get SS(7) a SINGLE THING for his birthday! He got a cupcake. Literally. WTF?

I just wanted to say that yes, I think there are extreme circumstances where bm's really do not use the money to properly feed or clothe the children. I think those women are sorry pos's.

BUT I will say that I have a friend, she get's her check..it goes into the bank to help with the bills that she has to pay to support her 3 daughters. She doesn't put it into an separate acct and just dole out money to the kids.

I think there is a happy medium in the whole child support thing. I don't think judging someone by what they drive or what they wear even when you know they are a cashier in a store is very nice. Maybe someone bought the car for her and maybe she buys her clothes at goodwill or the resale shop just the same.
I'm not saying there aren't some sorry pos's.. bc I do know some of them..but I'm just trying to say all step moms aren't the wicked witch either!!! It works both ways.

And the funny thing is that if this woman's hubby is behind on his cs, he will go to jail. You don't know their story. You only know your story.

I have more of an issue with the bm's complaining about the money all the time. I get tired of hearing bm tell my SO how they are soooooo poor!! That her husband is having to work 2 jobs and allt his crap. Then I see them posting about all the stuff they buy at the mall that is all this designer stuff. And then seeing sd14 show up wearing a pair of $200 boots and a $300 purse. I guess there is misuse on all sides.

Eh. I know house payments are considered legit use of CS but it still ticks me off.

BM earns 1/2 of what I do and yet lives in an apartment that costs double my mortgage payment. She is currently attempting to buy a house, claiming CS as part of her income of course. It looks like it will come out to $300-$400 more than what she's currently paying for her apartment. Entitlement problems indeed.

I kind of hope she gets approval for the loan. The CS gravy train isn't going to last forever and it would be kind of satisfying to watch her crash and burn.

Heck, her incapacity to think ahead combined with a long history of trying to live above her means will probably mean this will all come back to bite her way sooner than we are betting on anyway.

DH is already prepared for the inevitable whining when the reality of home ownership sets in: "the water heater gave out and I can't afford a new one, send more $$, it's for the kids", "can't afford to heat and cool this big house, help, it's for the kids", etc. He plans on saying that they are welcome to stay with us until she gets her shit together. Heh. I love him.

Unfortunately, it seems all too common amongst BM's(on Steptalk). The BM in SO's life, her CS is varied between $500-700/month, after she gets her CS she then will say well the kids need new shoes: blah blah blah. It is never enough...The kicker December 2012, she is telling SO she has no money for gas(demanded SO give her money to come down), low and behold Christmas rolls around, who has a new SUV? BM of course. It doesnt bother me that shes using some of the money to get a vehicle since it transports the kids, however, when you lie that you dont have gas money then literally 2 weeks later you have a new vehicle? Give me a break. She didnt tell SO about the vehicle, he found out thru the kids. She REFUSES to Drive them OVER!

I agree with Momagain. I am also a recipient of CS (sometimes) and it goes to help pay bills, rent, food. etc. and I would be completely appalled if my ex asked how the $ was spent. I know there are a lot arsewipes out there who do things like renovate their homes and buy cars with their CS, but really once it leaves the pay-check, it is none of anyone's business what happens to it. No matter how much it is "not right" Trust me, we are going through this on two sides of the coin.
I have strong feelings about this subject.

I agree, a lot of BM's probably use CS for things other than for the kids. Not all BM's though. Just like some SMs are wicked witches, and some aren't. And some dads are deadbeat and many aren't. I do hate seeing people in general, sponge off of the system, not work, and always seem to find the money to dress better than me and have their hair and nails done regularly.

OTOH, I remember when exH and I first split. I traded my (paid off by me) sports car for a used SUV, partially because of it being a pain to get a toddler in and out of a car seat in a sports car, and partly because of it doing so poorly in the snow. Anyway, exH made a comment to me once about seeing the vehicle that "he is paying for". My response..."yes, because I'm a magician and the $500 per month I get from you not only completely pays for the doctor, medication, feeding, clothing, paying for daycare but it also completely pays for rent and utlities, my entire car payment, my clothing, shoes, hair, etc. My paycheck just sits nicely in the bank gaining interest :? ". That was the last time I ever heard anything from him about that. Of course, feelings were raw then, so I gave him a free pass for being an ass...lol. Of course, I also don't whine about money and ask him for any more than what we've agreed upon.

i'm of the opinion that (most of the time) we really cant say with all certainty that cs goes for their personal stuff.

likely, it gets deposited in their one and only checking account that everything gets paid out of.

i totally see it skewed when they say "i cant afford to buy skid shoes" then they show up in 300.00 jeans with a new mani/pedi, highlights, and coach bag. but cannot in good faith judge that her own pyck didnt pay for that, cuz i really dont know.

what i DO know, however, is strictly in regards to our situation. when getting CS, dumbass didnt even HAVE a job, let alone paid ANY bills. (we can confirm this- evictions, cell and utilities cut on multiple occasions, vehicle repo, arrest due to no car ins, etc...) so i DO know where her new jeans and highlights came from.

ok, i'm off my soapbox now...

buying clothes for her to go to work in with child support? so you KNOW it's true, as she came straight out and said it (with pride, i'm sure). nope, that doesnt float in my book. if she had NO kids, she'd need clothes to go to work anyway so it's not a relevant factor. no deal.

people like that are disgusting.

I have to agree, BMs who spend money on crap annoy me. But there is no law or anything to make them use the money for specific things. I have no problem whatsoever with CS paying for rent, utilities, groceries, even car payments or insurance. That all benefits the kids.

I DO however have a problem with BMs who ALWAYS have new clothes, new shoes, hair fixed, make-up done, nails done, loaded with so much perfume you can't breathe around them, so much jewelry they jingle when they walk, the latest phone with unlimited everything, and a shiny new car....while the kid is wearing clothes that looks like a homeless person threw it away, so filthy the BMs perfume doesn't even over-power the stench coming from the kid, and worn out shoes that are so bad there are holes in the bottoms and the kid's feet are wet and cold all day.

Before DH got custody, SD8 had been wearing the same shoes for a really long time, considering how fast kids' feet grow. BM buys her shoes 2 sizes too big so she can 'grow into them' - by the time she grows into them they're literally falling apart, but she ends up wearing them until her toes are poking out the front. But there BM is posting on facebook that she bought herself some new shoes and they pinch her poor little toes, and that she blew her entire paycheck in one day, spent $500 at Best Buy, and spent $100 on freaking YARN. Have fun sitting on your ass crocheting all day while your kid waits for the bus with wet feet ya selfish jerk.

The three oldest professions in the world...

1) prostitution
2) motherhood
3) bogarting the CS

... in that order

The BM in my case uses it for vacation money. She makes more than biodad does and is remarried to a just below six figure guy. Biodad pays 1K a month in non-arrears CS and made 33K last year. He actually overpays his CS because he is scared crapless of the NYS court system where there is no self support reserve (read: biodads have to live off of SMs)

She treats herself, hubby and the three angels to at least twice a year flights and hotels in sunny Florida.

As a CSM whose DH is supposed to receive child support, but usually doesn't, I have a different take. He is supposed to get $200 a month for two kids. If we ever do get that money, it just goes into our bank account. From this account we pay for our mortgage, insurance, food, daycare for the kids, clothes for everyone, car payment, car insurance, phone.... all of our bills and living expenses come from this account- where we also put our paychecks.

The way I see it, if we get that $200 it doesnt matter if I then go spend $30 on a pair of pants for myself, bc it all comes from the same pool. The expenses for my sks basic needs are well over 800$ a month, not including clothing, shoes, or haircuts. So its all a wash.

While I understand the frustration of seeing a BM with fancy things while DH can't have fancy things (I am also a step child whose mother did this occasionally while my biodad barely ate)- I think that it is a bit nit picky. A bill is a bill, a child costs money, you can't separate what I pay for sks vs what I pay for my dog... its all our household.

My problem is when DH gets an email stating that he will need to pay the $20 end of year fee for SS11 coach's gift and trophy (when she hasn't paid a cent toward ANY of the football season) since she can't "afford" it this month and then she shows up with newly highlighted hair and took SD14 to get mani/pedis. yeah, she can't "afford" it because she CHOSE to spend it on other frivilous things.

Our BM wants more CS all the time, even though FDH pays the right amount. So because she cannot get more legally, she keeps sending the kids over now with clothes that are too small knowing that FDH will take them shopping. Actually its the first thing (literally) that they say the minute they come though the door, its well rehearsed. She emailed two weeks ago to rant and rave at us having ridiculous vacations, eating at fancy restaurants and a "big fancy house" and that FDH has his priorities all wrong because he won't give the kids more money aka he wont give HER more money to keep up a lifestyle that she is unable to afford. It chaps her butt that our combined income allows us a better lifestyle than her and her another-new boyfriend can afford. She kicked him to the curb and expects him to stay down on the curb always. She doesnt like it that he picked himself up and moved on.

Unfortunately we have to sit back and watch our husband's hard earned money fly right out the door. In my case the BM is on disability and gets something like 1,200 a month, and in our state if you get disability and you have a child you also get an additional $300 a month per child (by the way she has 2 children by 2 different men she never married) So that's an extra $600 monthly bonus on top of that she also gets foodstamps. So all of that combined with the fact that my DH pays her child support and and she lives (mooches) off of her current baby daddy whom pays for all their living expenses, i can conclude that she is one rich bitch. Makes me wanna hurl. Meanwhile i avoid asking my husband for little extras and nice luxuries because i know he's already carrying the BM burden. Maybe one day we'll all be lucky enough to see a change in the CS system

SDs BM uses the $1,000+ that she forts for SD & SDs older half sister for her mortgage (she even told us this).

I don't mind some of the CS going towards this... But all? Seriously?!?! And no, she really doesn't use her paycheck for anyone other than herself...

What a piece of work!