I never wanted a child in bed with me. My DD never wanted to either. I was luck in this way. SD on the other hand wanted to sleep with us until she was 7 or so. I never let her. I will never forget the night my husband tried to put her in bed with us. I flat out went batSheet crazy on him. I know SD wanted sleep with us that night and some may think I am cruel, but I was not having it no way no how. SD shared a bed with her BM and stepfather and I know she saw them "wrestling". I made sure he marched her back to her room and put her to sleep. There were times when she had a nightmare or maybe miss mommy and I am the lighter sleeper and I would take her back to her room and stay with her until she fell asleep. It worked and BM was amazed when she found out SD sleept in her own room. I don't look down on people who do the family bed thing, but I think that a kid who can learn to comfort themselves and know they can be a big girl or boy has less anxiety about nighty time. I have done the same thing with nieces and nephews who are toddlers when they come to visit me. My sisters and brothers are always amazed to find out their kids slept in the guest room. All of my nieces and nephews are excited to tell their parents they slept in a bed by themselves. My parents never let us sleep with them so it was just normal for me to follow that. I have a rule NO TV and NO KIDS in our bedroom.
OOPS maybe I read that wrong I was assuming sharing a bed with parents. My girls have friends over all of the time and to be honest I never had a second thought about them sharing beds with their friends SD is 17 and DD is 13.
Kids should all have their own beds at least. My 3 kids always sleep together, BD11, BS9 and BS7, they kinda take turns, boys share a room, 7yo usually jumps in with 9yo and I have BD EOWE, I started MAKING her sleep in her own bed this year, but she has had an occasional top n tail sleepover with her brothers.
Me and my brother used to bed share till I was 10-11 (he's 3 years younger) NOTHING... dodgy EVER happened, not even close, it was just for the company. (ETA: My brother and I had our own rooms, but snuck into each others rooms so we can chat)
I shared a bed with my brothers at when we visited my mother from ages 5 to 12 or so.
I much preferred being able to see my mother than making her worry about whether or not she could afford her rent on a 3 bedroom apartment that we didn't live in. She was barely making it as it was. My dad made all the money and she hadn't worked in over a decade when they divorced. She was lucky she was eating.
I say this in the nicest way possible but why are always so concerned with all the things that are "wrong" and not the things that are right?
Is having their own bedrooms and own beds in places where they do not live the most important things on our agendas? It's not like the kids are sleeping with total strangers and child molesters.
This is a hot button for me right now. My partner can no longer afford his three bedroom mostly empty house due to being laid off and finding a job that pays half of what he used to make and the price of just a one bedroom apartment is more than his mortgage in our area. He sends 50% of what he makes for child support and isn't likely to qualify for public housing. Maybe he'll never get to see his kids again because they don't have their own rooms and their own separate beds. Because having a cot or a couch isn't good enough. It truly pisses me off.
This is a good perspective- thanks for sharing. I find myself getting so worked up over her not being able to pay for her kids sometimes.. She couldnt pay for child support or medicical early on but told DH that she was having more children because she "missed being a mom" Makes us so angry that she willingly chose for her kids to have less bc she was being selfish. Now she straight up doest pay, and has the kids worried about how much food she has, or that she doesnt have enough food stamps.. that is what irks me most is she makes the kids feel bad that she cant provide for the new children she has. So the sleeping thing just adds to that for us. A 10 year old having to share a bed with a toddler (who wets the bed regularly). stinks... but your points are very valid, helping me take a step back.
My brothers are 8 and 12 years older than me, and while they both still lived at home, they shared a room with two twin beds. I loved being with them, so many nights I would sleep in their room. I would sleep on the floor between their beds, or if one was away for some reason, I'd sleep in his bed. I think it's normal for siblings who are close (or adoring in my case) to want to sleep in the same rooms at night. If my brothers had bigger beds, I can easily picture myself wanting to snuggle into them instead of sleeping on the floor.
That said, It's not hard to just have another twin bed for a child who lives there semi-regularly! If nothing else, get a trundle bed for the child and pull it out on those weekends, etc. My youngest has a very small bedroom, and there's still enough room for me to squeeze a twin bed for me (thankfully on very rare occasions) to sleep on in addition to his crib.
I have a friend with 5 daughters. She recently had an addition put on to her house, but at all times her children have all had their own beds. Not hard.
I agree with crazy in Ohio. We have 6 kids in total and a 3 bedroom house. 2 kids live here. They have a room each with bunks and a trundle underneath. The kids that live here have their regular bed, the 3 or 4 night a month kids sleep on whichever bed they feel like. Sometimes they co sleep. Doesn't matter. These kids all have their own room in the house they live in.
So it's not unreasonable to
So it's not unreasonable to be upset that SS (10) shares a bed with his 3 year old half brother while visiting BM?
I never wanted a child in bed
I never wanted a child in bed with me. My DD never wanted to either. I was luck in this way. SD on the other hand wanted to sleep with us until she was 7 or so. I never let her. I will never forget the night my husband tried to put her in bed with us. I flat out went batSheet crazy on him. I know SD wanted sleep with us that night and some may think I am cruel, but I was not having it no way no how. SD shared a bed with her BM and stepfather and I know she saw them "wrestling". I made sure he marched her back to her room and put her to sleep. There were times when she had a nightmare or maybe miss mommy and I am the lighter sleeper and I would take her back to her room and stay with her until she fell asleep. It worked and BM was amazed when she found out SD sleept in her own room. I don't look down on people who do the family bed thing, but I think that a kid who can learn to comfort themselves and know they can be a big girl or boy has less anxiety about nighty time. I have done the same thing with nieces and nephews who are toddlers when they come to visit me. My sisters and brothers are always amazed to find out their kids slept in the guest room. All of my nieces and nephews are excited to tell their parents they slept in a bed by themselves. My parents never let us sleep with them so it was just normal for me to follow that. I have a rule NO TV and NO KIDS in our bedroom.
OOPS maybe I read that wrong
OOPS maybe I read that wrong I was assuming sharing a bed with parents. My girls have friends over all of the time and to be honest I never had a second thought about them sharing beds with their friends SD is 17 and DD is 13.
I feel like with a friend is
I feel like with a friend is different than this... They simply don't have a bed for him
Does BM have EOW or is she
Does BM have EOW or is she the custodial?
EOWE, 7 weeks in summer, week
EOWE, 7 weeks in summer, week for Christmas- standard noncustodial visitation
Kids should all have their
Kids should all have their own beds at least. My 3 kids always sleep together, BD11, BS9 and BS7, they kinda take turns, boys share a room, 7yo usually jumps in with 9yo and I have BD EOWE, I started MAKING her sleep in her own bed this year, but she has had an occasional top n tail sleepover with her brothers.
Me and my brother used to bed share till I was 10-11 (he's 3 years younger) NOTHING... dodgy EVER happened, not even close, it was just for the company. (ETA: My brother and I had our own rooms, but snuck into each others rooms so we can chat)
I shared a bed with my
I shared a bed with my brothers at when we visited my mother from ages 5 to 12 or so.
I much preferred being able to see my mother than making her worry about whether or not she could afford her rent on a 3 bedroom apartment that we didn't live in. She was barely making it as it was. My dad made all the money and she hadn't worked in over a decade when they divorced. She was lucky she was eating.
I say this in the nicest way possible but why are always so concerned with all the things that are "wrong" and not the things that are right?
Is having their own bedrooms and own beds in places where they do not live the most important things on our agendas? It's not like the kids are sleeping with total strangers and child molesters.
This is a hot button for me right now. My partner can no longer afford his three bedroom mostly empty house due to being laid off and finding a job that pays half of what he used to make and the price of just a one bedroom apartment is more than his mortgage in our area. He sends 50% of what he makes for child support and isn't likely to qualify for public housing. Maybe he'll never get to see his kids again because they don't have their own rooms and their own separate beds. Because having a cot or a couch isn't good enough. It truly pisses me off.
This is a good perspective-
This is a good perspective- thanks for sharing. I find myself getting so worked up over her not being able to pay for her kids sometimes.. She couldnt pay for child support or medicical early on but told DH that she was having more children because she "missed being a mom" Makes us so angry that she willingly chose for her kids to have less bc she was being selfish. Now she straight up doest pay, and has the kids worried about how much food she has, or that she doesnt have enough food stamps.. that is what irks me most is she makes the kids feel bad that she cant provide for the new children she has. So the sleeping thing just adds to that for us. A 10 year old having to share a bed with a toddler (who wets the bed regularly). stinks... but your points are very valid, helping me take a step back.
i'm with u on this!!! my bro
i'm with u on this!!!
my bro and i used to argue over who got the couch or the recliner.
we never expected mom to provide us with beds or bedrooms when we simply didnt live there. hell she could barely feed herself.
My brothers are 8 and 12
My brothers are 8 and 12 years older than me, and while they both still lived at home, they shared a room with two twin beds. I loved being with them, so many nights I would sleep in their room. I would sleep on the floor between their beds, or if one was away for some reason, I'd sleep in his bed. I think it's normal for siblings who are close (or adoring in my case) to want to sleep in the same rooms at night. If my brothers had bigger beds, I can easily picture myself wanting to snuggle into them instead of sleeping on the floor.
That said, It's not hard to just have another twin bed for a child who lives there semi-regularly! If nothing else, get a trundle bed for the child and pull it out on those weekends, etc. My youngest has a very small bedroom, and there's still enough room for me to squeeze a twin bed for me (thankfully on very rare occasions) to sleep on in addition to his crib.
I have a friend with 5 daughters. She recently had an addition put on to her house, but at all times her children have all had their own beds. Not hard.
I agree with crazy in Ohio.
I agree with crazy in Ohio. We have 6 kids in total and a 3 bedroom house. 2 kids live here. They have a room each with bunks and a trundle underneath. The kids that live here have their regular bed, the 3 or 4 night a month kids sleep on whichever bed they feel like. Sometimes they co sleep. Doesn't matter. These kids all have their own room in the house they live in.