SK12's latest.. I really should start a blog with the crap this kid does.. lol
Last Friday DH gets an email from sk12's teacher..
Apparently, during the Language Arts test SK12 was fidgeting and twirling his paper instead of actually taking the test..
When the teacher went over and asked him what the issue was, sk12 replies "I studied."... then goes on to tell her "he thinks his medication is wearing off..."
OMG really.. ok, for starters.. we are now in the 4th week of school and he has yet to bring home any homework or study materials - allegedly he does all his work at school.. I find this a bit odd as he is a 7th grader and when his brother was in 7th grade at the same school, he always had homework.. and my 5th grader has homework just about every night too.. but the 7th grader never does.. hmmm
The "my medication wore off" excuse is BS that he has learned from his mom and dad.. ADHD medication does not make you remember things - it helps you concentrate/focus. Out of 21 questions he only had 2 of them answered..
So, DH has a little chat with sk12.. of course sk12 has zero accountability.. stands by his "I studied and my meds wore off" excuse.. so he gets grounded over the weekend, but really we can't enforce it much since sk12 is at BM's for the weekend.. I told DH he should have put the consequence on hold till he came back here, but nope.. he took his ipad for the weekend.. so instead sk12 played video games all weekend at his moms.. ugh!
Soooo.... DH gets on the home access information area today for SK12's classwork, grades, etc. (something I have been telling him to do since the 2nd week of school) and tah-dah... there are several missing assignments..
I mean, when will DH learn..? When will he get his head out of his ass and think "maybe this kid does have some issues..??" When will he see that every day there is some form of drama with regards to this kid and he is the reason we never have any peace..
Maybe he needs more
Maybe he needs more therapy/professional support (both inside school and out) than he's getting right now.
I think you need to disengage and let DH and BM figure out how to help their child. You have been doing too much to help SS and they've been doing too little. That needs to change.
ETA: You can blame this kid all you want, but the reality is that until he gets the help, support and discipline he really, truly needs and his PARENTS step up, not much is going to change (if anything).
I have disengaged a lot.. I
I have disengaged a lot.. I wasn't the one who confronted him about the email, nor was I the one who issued the consequence..
I mainly step in when it escalates or when it starts interfering with my quality of life..
DH was the one dealing with him last night - I was pretty much hands off and was there for back up..
I agree the kid needs some help professionally.. unfortunately, we have no extra funds for this and our insurance has a ridiculous deductible.
BM does nothing. She stepped out and gave us full custody this spring. She is an absolute joke and one of the main reasons this kid is the way he is today.
I know nothing will change until his father is consistent - he is trying and this kid is a CHALLENGE.
I used to do Equine therapy and dealt with everything from kids with anger issues, autism to abuse.. I can tolerate and understand just about anything and hold it together.. this kid can cause me to come unglued on the inside in record time.
DH is really trying, but what I can't get him to see is he simply can not leave any wiggle room or gray areas - he has got to draw the line and keep there..
as the mother of a son with
as the mother of a son with adhd, we went through several medications over the years. My son would tell me.. mom, i don't think this is working anymore bc I can't concentrate anymore or for very long on this like I used to be able to do.
I knew that meant that we needed a checkup with his pedi. sometimes they are on a lower dose and they gain weight.
my son was super lazy as well bc he only wanted to do what he wanted to do. he's still that way. it requires good communication between a parent and teacher in order to make sure that the assignments get done. it sounds like the teacher is asking for help for him or she wouldn't bother to email you guys at all. this is a grade that is pivotal for kids.. esp adhd kids. i imagine he's smart but has issues paying attention and being focused. that doesn't make him stupid or a bad kid. hell, if i didn't want to do the work I'd think of reasons to get out of it too, he's a kid!!!
he's needs structure, help and support. he needs a clear commitment from someone to keep him on track. i repeat just bc he has adhd doesn't mean he's stupid.
i hope they can find him some help. most schools offer some sort of support. even testing in their school and extra time to do assignments if needed.
See.. this is good because
See.. this is good because you guys have communication. He sounds like a kid who wants to do right and has a legitimate disability.
SK12 is very smart and in gifted classes. He can concentrate and he can behave - when it suits him. Medicated or not. To me that is not ADHD. He just throws tantrums, argues, yells, talks back and is disrespectful...
He also has no social awareness... none.
I agree structure and support are key - consistency is as well.. if you so much as move the line in the sand an inch he will take advantage of it and stretch it out to a foot!
We try to have open conversations with this kid.. he denies, makes excuses and will lie straight to your face.. all we want to do is help and he just won't be accountable.
"He also has no social
"He also has no social awareness... none."
He may have been misdiagnosed...that seems to happen a lot.
I hope he will get the love and support (both professional and from mom and dad) that he needs so all of your lives will become easier.
He WAS misdiagnosed.. his
He WAS misdiagnosed.. his mom could not wait to get him on meds.. she had been pushing for them since he was 5 and finally got DH to agree when he was 10.
He does NOT have ADHD.. he is just an asshole.
If you legitimately have a disability/condition that needs medication it's because that issue is something you can't control without meds.. that is what I am screaming! He can control it as he wishes.
Disrespect isn't ADHD.
Arguing isn't ADHD
Talking Back isn't ADHD
Being an inconsiderate jerk isn't ADHD
Defying rules because you don't like them isn't ADHD
Being a sneak and a liar isn't ADHD
These are all symptoms of a spoiled disrespectful brat that needs to have boundaries set and stuck to build structure and stability.
I feel ya, sister.. I have
I feel ya, sister..
I have read so many psychology articles about the whole ADHD epidemic... and they all say the same thing - that these kids are not being properly diagnosed and one of the key contributors is the over use of electronics. It's just easier to medicate a child and stick him in front of a video game than it is to parent..
This was the case with SK12.. I SEE IT.. the evidence is right there, in front of my face... he doesn't have any disabilities or medical issues.. he is just defiant and has no fear of consequences because there never were any..
Now he is 12 - been allowed to be this way for way too long and we have a major battle on our hands to turn this around.. It sucks and it is going to be difficult.
Would I like to get SK12 some professional psychological help? Sure.. but we can't afford it - it's 120 bucks a session - WITH INSURANCE.
So we are left to research and try to do this on our own.. I want to take SK12 off his meds.. don't feel he needs them, but again.. I am the smom and it's not up to me.
OMG, I feel like we are the
OMG, I feel like we are the same person. I can totally relate. You do sound like a great step mom though..