Hi Everyone,

I just joined and this is my first post. I am looking for any and all advice that anyone has to offer. I'll tell my story and anything helpful you have would be wonderful!

I'm a 26 year old female, never married, no children. I've been dating my boyfriend, who is 48, for a little over 2 years. I have gotten familiar with the "lingo" on here so I will refer to him as DH, even though we aren't married yet.

We are in a very serious relationship and talk about marriage often. He has been separated from his second wife for a long time and the divorce should (finally) be finalized in the next week or so, through mediation.

His first wife, BM1, lives in our city with SD13 and SD10. DH has a WONDERFUL relationship for BM1 and she is a great mother (although a little hovercraft-y, but that's OK). I have a lot of respect for her. She puts her kids first and has DH's back as long as the kids are loved and cared for. He has SD13 and SD10 on thursdays for dinner, every other weekends, and alternating holidays. He also attends as many school functions, concerts, plays, etc as possible.

His second wife, BM2, is awful. They were married less than 2 years (prior to separation) and she lives 800 miles away in another state. She has SS3 and SS4. SS4 is actually not his, as BM2 was cheating with her ex-husband. I know, I know....this is starting to sound very Jerry Springer. No one knows SS4 isn't DH's, not even BM2's parents! DH raised him as his own and pays for him, of course. DH goes to Texas once a month to see SS3 and SS4, and talks to them on the phone often.

BM2 is beyond entitled. She has a new BF but wants DH to pay for her whole lifestyle. She asked for $4,000 in child support a month!!!! That is double his mortgage!!! They settled on $2,800 which is still higher than the Texas state max.

BM2 hates me. She blames me for everything, even though she moved 800 miles away when they separated and was an awful bitch so of course he didn't want to be with her and moved on. DH has been trying to get her to move back to our city so SS3 and SS4 can be close to SD13 and SD10 and him, but she refuses, all the while claiming she just wants "what is best for the children".

Here is the real kicker: We have been together for more than 2 years, and I have not met any of his children. This was by choice. BM1 talked about me meeting SD13 and SD10 around Thanksgiving last year, but I declined. I wanted the divorce to be final. I didn't want SD13 and SD10 to feel like they had to "choose" between me and BM2 (they were close to their stepmom) or feel any pull in loyalty or feel like they had to lie. They know about me and have seen pictures of me (SD13 has bragged about "cyber stalking" me and reading my diary that I left at DH's house, but that is a story for a different day).

DH and I broke up a few months ago due to all of the stress, and I moved whatever I had at his house back to my house. We got back together 2 weeks later and things have been great ever since. SD13 and SD10 are still under the impression we are not together, which I feel is for the best. We want to wait until after the divorce is final to tell them that we have been talking and still care for each other very much and want to date more seriously. BM2 has a new boyfriend that she hid for months who spends a ton of time with SS3 and SS4....;they have even accidentally called DH by his name

I desperately need advice on bringing SD13 and SD10 into my life. How should the first meeting go? I was thinking quick and casual, like getting frozen yogurt? How do you deal with preconceived negative emotions (BM2 has some not very nice things to say about me, which SD13 has repeated). Any advice for connecting with girls that age? I'm 26 and consider myself pretty young and hip, but I don't want to be too friendly, or have them think I'm trying too hard. Anyone out there also young with teen or preteen steps?

I am less worried about meeting SS3 and SS4, as they are so young and I've been a nanny for kids that age in college. Although I am worried about their mother, BM2, filling their heads with bad things. I don't believe in involving children in adult problems but apparently BM2 and I disagree on that.

Any advice for me? DH and I have a very solid relationship and talk about everything. He knows my fears and frustrations. I feel like he has my back, but I know it will be difficult when SD13 puts on the guilt trip. Any advice would be most welcomed, or any relateable stories.