My SD11 is such a wimp!
OK to start, I really do like and love my SD11. She is very sweet, loving, and thoughtful. She has a great bubbly personality and can light up any room. Her BM and I get along very well, and she has a sister, SD14 who I also get along very well with.
One problem with her I can't stand is she is a HUGE wimp! Seriously, this girl is paranoid about everything....she is convinced that every plane is going to be attacked by terrorists, every bout of weather is an oncoming hurricane or tornado (we live in Charlotte, NC....we don't have those) etc. Where is causes an issue is movies. SO and I love to go to the movies, and so do the girls. However, SD11 is such a wimp that we can only watch baby movies. We couldn't watch Maleficent (rated PG) because she thought it looked scary, in addition to a number of other PG movies. She will be 12 soon, and she is entering middle school next week! We wanted to take her to see The Giver, (one of my favorite books when I was in middle school, and the older daughter read it as well) but she refused, saying it looks scary. She almost started crying at dinner when discussing.
We use Common Sense Media (website that reviews movies for families), and on there it says it is fine for 11 year olds. Maleficent was rated for 8 year olds! She even says "If a move is ok for a 6 or 7 year old, I'm OK to watch it" It's not just movies....she won't try ANYTHING new....no new foods, activities, etc. She is afraid of everything.
It really cramps our family movie nights at home (rentals) and it is so rare to get a decent PG movie (that she isn't afraid of) in the theater. Has anyone else had this problem? Any suggestions?
I'm not just worried about our cramped family style. She is starting middle school, and middle schoolers can be AWFUL. She is already small and immature for her age....I don't want her to be teased. She has only been OK to stay the night at 1 sleepover (she usually gets a stomach ache or upset and makes her mom pick her up). I hope she grows out of this baby stuff soon or middle school is going to be hell for her. When I was her age I was sleeping at friends houses almost every weekend, or they stayed at my house.
I agree. Its like adults
I agree. Its like adults used to say when I was a picky eater: "Good more for me".
Why go hungry just because the kid won't eat it for example? Let her be a pariah for a few hours and come back from the movie finishing up a bag of popcorn and give her the dregs.
So don't discuss new things
So don't discuss new things with her, just do them. Feed her what you want for meals and she eats or she starves. Guess what, kids won't starve themselves.
As for movies. Tell her upfront what you are going to see and if she does not want to see it .... leave her home alone. She is nearly 12. Even courts consider a 12yo old enough o spend a few hours a day home alone. In our case the CO clearly stated that Sperm Idiot paid for half of daycare until the Skid turned 12 then daycare was not necessary. On movie nights at home rotate the choice. Once every 4 nights she picks. The other three she watches what the other three people in the home pick. Of course PG13ish is acceptable. Don't push it beyond that as far as family movie night is concerned.
Quit babying her. She either steps up and grows up or she stays behind. We dealt with this with my Skid by just taking him and he could watch or cover his eyes and plug his ears. We did the same at amusement parks when he was 12 and large enough to ride adult rides. He rode them with us .... period. The kid now loves roller coasters but there was a time when he would scream and cry through the whole ride. We never had a problem with food regarding the Skid. HE was eating sushi and anything else with us when he was much younger than 11.
Sometimes pushing the comfort envelope is a parental duty with kids who want to be babied beyond their years..
IMHO of course.
I agree with the others- at
I agree with the others- at the age of 9 my SD would show up at our house unable to open a door or be alone in a room or to sleep alone. We had a new baby so it was always stressful when she came because her Dad would be on 24 hour care duty and I was left to care for the other three alone. At the time it seemed very manipulative to me. and it got her fathers undivided attention.
She came to live with us at age 13 and we have been working very hard to give her basic life skills. Her BM always wanted to control everything and did so by refusing to teach or encourage her independance. We have had her for 4 years and at age 17 she still will not drive, but at least she can prepare her own meals, do laundry, etc. She is off to college next year, I wonder how that will go.
I guess my advice is- start now and don't give up and don't be manipulated. You want her to grow up and out of your home- fully launched. Also, don't protect her from middle school, maybe a few teases will inspire her to get a spine.
So, this child more than
So, this child more than likely has generalized anxiety and you call her a wimp? Where are your motherly instincts? Are they only applicable to your children? How can anyone be so damn mean to a child? If she is scared, she is scared. It sounds like she needs mental health services to help her deal with her anxieties. She does NOT need to be shamed because of her legitimate feelings. Her feelings are hers, and this isn't something that her BM is doing to teach her to hate or to alienate her from her father. I am truly sad that you are in her life. The fact that you make fun of her is so absolutely sad and disgusting. BTW, I have anxieties and that stems from the abuse I dealt with from my mother and my father dying suddenly as a child. I also cannot watch scary movies and that is because of the fact that I was never subjected to it as a kid. The lack of empathy that the step parents have in these forums leads me to believe that most are abusive in some way. Don't add to an already tumultuous issue by adding shame to her
I can't be bothered. But
I can't be bothered. But know this, ShadaowMom, you are one of the nastiest people I've ever seen on this board. I hope you don't let your mental issues affect any children in your life.
SM, I am sad to hear about
SM,
I am sad to hear about your abused childhood. However, empathy is earned and some people never earn it. At some point the baggage we all inherit from our parents and childhoods becomes our own baggage to either resolve or not.
Fear is one thing, manipulation and controlling tears and fears are something else entirely. Only the people living a specific situation can make the determination if a behavior is a manipulation or legitimate. This is why I comment primarily on what an OP says. Few people will bring anyone else in their blended family here to give their side. I know I don't though I do share much of what I say here with my bride. Some things I do not because they are things that I am venting about and dealing with and do not want those things to inject drama into my marriage or transfer IRL.
An 11 can be a manipulative wuss. My SKid used to be until I dragged him on all kinds of experiences and adventures to expand his perspectives and show him that all we have to fear is fear itself (thanks FDR for that absolute truth) and that his mom and I would not put him in a position that would cause him harm so he had nothing to be afraid of. He is now a self supporting viable adult at 22yo who no longer fears anything and no longer needs me to temper his fears.
As she may have anxiety
As she may have anxiety disorders does not mean she can rule the roost. I have a ssthat tries to pull that, I simply said you don't like what we are doing go find something else to do. He tries to be controlling and used to be to his dad until I came in the picture.I won't have it. His mother can baby and coddle him. I am not. Grow up already. My kids have fun, play footall, enjoy life. His son is scared, sings in choir and goes around humming all day. It's not our fAult .
Like^^^^^
Like^^^^^