For those of you who remember, my DH has laid off (unemployed) for 15 months and counting. We had a lot of savings which he has been using to pay child support. Technically it is all his money; he had it way before I came into the picture. I am supporting us and all skids and him are on my insurance (and I pay for all medical care and other odds and ends). I make good money so this is stressful but not the end of the world.

DH has started the process of lowering child support on BM2. He pays $2,900 a month to her (insane, I know) for 2 kids, one of which isn't even biologically his but he is an idiot and signed the birth certificate. He has never once missed a payment or a planned visit (they live in TX, we live in PA, so we have to fly there to see them, and we fly them here for extended time at summer and Christmas).

The payments can't continue at the level they are at. We hired a lawyer and started the process to get it lowered. Her and her lawyer requested everything and the kitchen sink from us (financial docs, etc). We have nothing to hide and provided it all. He has been unemployed, no secret income. We sold our large house and are living in a 1 bedroom plus den apartment. I walk or bike to work to avoid paying for public transport. I shop at Walmart and Marshalls. We are not living like kings.

Ideally, we would like to settle out of court and avoid the costs. His lawyer sent her lawyer an offer of $1,250, which is still a lot of money and more than generous for a person who has $0 in income coming in.

BM2 is hemming and hawing and won't respond. She hasn't even given us a counter. She sent him a long text about how she was "nice" when they divorced (after only being married for two years) and didn't go after his 401K. She "only" made him pay her $175,000 settlement and obscene child support and 50% of medical bills and all travel to see the boys and $50,000 per kid in a college savings fund by the time they are 18. B****. She wants to do this without lawyers, but won't work with us.

The kicker was she demanded that he go after BM1 to lower HER child support if he is going to lower hers! BM2 is so phony nice to BM1 and actually called her a few weeks ago asking if we were going after her. BM1 is the mother of our SDs, whom BM2 still has a relationship with. BM1 didn't really answer. I have been telling DH for WEEKS that he needs to call BM1 and make her aware of what's going on. It's only fair that if BM2 is going to be pumping BM1 for info she should know. PLUS I don't think BM1 will take too kindly to the fact that BM2 is trying to take much needed money away from her and her children!

We pay BM1 $2,500 normally, but she has agreed to lower it to $2,000 while he is unemployed because she knows we are struggling. BM1 is wonderful. Her and I have a great relationship, and so do her and DH. They were married for 14 years and divorced amicably. We spend joint birthdays with the kids, I know her parents well, we have never had any issues. BM1 never remarried and is very careful with money. She clips coupons and saves, and she always gives us far advanced noticed if there is any large expense coming up, like braces or camp. SD16stb17 and SD13 are aging out fairly soon, and we don't won't to rock the boat. BM1 could really use the money and always uses it wisely and for the kids. She never asks for insane extras and always works with us for scheduling and anything else we need.

DH finally agreed with me after we argued about it yesterday, and he called BM1. She was PISSED. She couldn't believe the nerve of BM2 to try and involve her. BM1 lives in a completely different state and is not involved whatsoever in this. BM1 said "That b**** has a lot of nerve! How long were you married! HELL NO! If you need a character witness in this, I've got your back. You have never been anything but a wonderful father to the girls. We have always co-parented and never had a problem, and you have never once missed a financial obligation to the girls, even now while you can't afford it". BM1 continued on for a while and was very supportive of DH and his struggle to find a similar paying or level job.

BM2, meanwhile, is remarried and popped out another kid. I say that because she told DH she couldn't have kids and when he was ready to divorce her, "accidentally" got pregnant with a "miracle baby that would save the relationship". She bought an enormous house with a pool, swingset, zipline, trampoline, etc etc on 10 acres and vacations constantly. We still somehow get her bills to our address for her Nordstroms and Bloomingdales credit cards, so she is still shopping like she's rich. I don't feel bad at all trying to lower her child support. Plus, SS6stb7 and SS5 have MUCH longer until they age out and the change will be good for DH and I in the long run. We can't subsidize her lavish lifestyle any longer. Even when DH finds another job, it will likely be for 1/4 or 1/2 what he was making.

ON TOP OF ALL THIS, they moved my cancer biopsy AGAIN! It will be Wednesday the 21st. I just want this over and done with and I want to know where I stand. Too much stress.