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Evil stepdaughter

Jleeannexox's picture

I have a 4 year old stepdaughter. Her mom & dad were never together I guess they were sort of a fling and she ended up pregnant. I started dating him when my sd was 2. She's always been sort of different. She makes odd facial expressions, she has an evil stare, she won't listen ever, her posture is odd ( she pokes her belly out ) and she always makes this weird face like her mouth is wide open and she thinks its cute & won't stop doing it. I have a biological daughter who is 3 and she is the sweetest to everyone she ever meets, this is how I know my step daughters behavior is NOT normal. You can tell she always gets her way with everyone. Her dad, my now husband won't discipline her for the simple fact she goes back and tells her mommy he's mean to her. She's manipulative for a 4 year old. She sits there and tells my husband she doesn't like me. I've been nothing but nice to her. Her own mother doesn't even take care of her half as good as I do. I took her shopping the other night, bought her a ton of new clothes & some toys out of my money and she comes home and tells her daddy I'm mean and she hates me. I mean what is that about?? I really thought I was crazy thinking that I have an evil step child but even my friends who are blatantly honest and never just side with me because we're friends have told me that she's freaking weird ( in there words ) my best friend asked her to pick up something she spilled and she gave her that evil look and mouth thing she does and would not move or even acknowledge her telling her to pick up what she spilled! My step daughter also tells these wild stories. Once she told me her mommy made her sleep outside & all she ever eats is chips. She pees in the bed every time she stays over. And will just lay in it for hours and when I walk into the room I'll smell the pee and ask her did she pee herself and she tells me no. And I change her clothes its obvious she did pee and she never admits it. She also does other bad things. She smacked my daughter one day right in front of me and then denied it and never admitted it.. When other kids around her get hurt she smiles and acts like she doesn't care while my daughter will go right up to them and say aw are you ok? My step daughter also likes to sometimes get up in the middle of the night and sleep in the floor in the hallway, she's strange. I started putting a gate up and she would knock it down and lay right in the floor an sleep. It's so weird! I know this story is all over the place but I'm just saying everything that comes to mind she's done. She is ruining my marriage!! I try and talk to my husband about it and he just changes the subject or says he doesn't want to hear it because I'm overreacting bc she's only 4. This girl knows right from wrong she just doesn't care. I'm convinced she's evil. She just stares at people doesn't matter who it is and I've been told by a lot of people it creeps them out. I just am at wits in. The bad thing is we only get her every other weekend but I will cry knowing she's about to stay the weekend. She scares me. I give her a bath because her dad doesn't really pay any mind to her and if I don't do it she won't get bathed. She cries when I give her a bath and shakes like I'm killing her. I've never witnessed something like that ever before. I wonder if some of her behavior is because her mom is such a whore. She sleeps and stays with a different guy almost every week. When she was pregnant with my step daughter it was between my husband and 4 other guys that could have been her father. But then again she's only evil towards me, the nicest person in her life. I honesty despise her but yet I'm super nice to her and she hates me. I'm at the point where I'm about to stay with my mom on weekends she comes. I already sends daughter to her dads the weekends my step daughter is with us because she is so mean to my little girl. But when daddy comes around she acts completely different and I tell him your daughter just hit mine. And he will ask her and she will tell him no daddy I didn't. And he believes her and not me. He thinks I just hate her for no reason.. Idk what to do thanks for reading I need someone to talk to about this because I can't talk to my husband.

Jleeannexox's picture

She's also constantly hungry & always thirsty. She could drink 3 cups of juice and 5 mins later want more & she asks no less then 30 times a day she's thirsty and when can she see her mommy even after I answer her every time...

Struggling stepmum's picture

Oh bless you. It's so awful when you feel like this. I have 3SD and one SS. One I tolerate two are lovely. But SD13 I can't stand. I tried so hard but she is determined to wreck my marriage. And she nearly is. Problem is not you. You are suffering from reactive anger and deep resentment because your H is too selfish uncaring and lazy to give your feelings some value. It's not her fault either, she sounds like a troubled child. It is all his. You have no control overBM. Tell your ostrich husband to look after his own child and go to your mum. If good enough to childminder then good enough to have a say. If he wants no voice get a person that's unfamiliar with the English language. Mind you I'm not doing any better. I can't implement any of this in my house. But your H might be more receptive than mine. Good luck

emotionaly beat up's picture

Might be best if you go to your mom as you are thinking about doing. It's clear you despise this child. It's clear this child is WELL AWARE of it. Her reaction towards you is a direct result of your feelings towards her. It is obvious from what you wrote you despise this child and her mother. If you don't do something about your hatred that is what is going to ruin your marriage, not this child. God help her at 14 if you think she is evil at 4. Have you thought about that. Have you really thought about having a life long connection with this child. Could you stomach that. It would be in everyone's best interests if you take a break and think this through. Maybe this marriage is not the one for you.

Struggling stepmum's picture

Yes I totally agree with you that anger is very destructive. And teenagers a nightmare.

Struggling stepmum's picture

Try disengaging. While your angry your H can blame you and see you as a bully. Don't advise him or have an opinion he will use that as a stick to beat you with later. Say ta ta have a nice quality weeken and if she dirty so what? At least you still have a marriage!

Delilah's picture

Listen to the people telling you to stop parenting and doing things for the child.

I appreciate you must be frustrated when you see the child being neglected by your husband (and he IS neglecting her on many levels - lazy parenting at the best) however you are enabling DH to continue being a terrible, permissive and neglectful parent by doing everything for him with sd.

In order to get DH to see there are problems, that sd needs help and that you are not the issue, you must withdraw your help.

He may get very angry with you because ofcourse he wants things to continue as is, he gets to play the best daddyyyyy ever by siding with sd, spoiling her and doing fun things while you get the donkey work and worry about how abnormal some of sd's behaviour is - which in return is causing extreme dislike towards the child. It's really not her fault, its your damn DH and her BM's.

I also do not think its fair on your DD3 that she gets treated like she does by sd and to see her mother get treated so disrespectfully. So if DH says anything tell him this once "do YOU not want to spend time with sd, making her dinner, bathing her, cleaning up after her like a proper dad does? It does not seem so, seeing as you are whinging about this. I need to consider MY child also in this situation and I will not condone the fact that at times sd bullies her younger step sibling, while you may be happy to sideline my child and disrespect me by listening to a four year old telling tales over your adult wife (who you claim to love and trust). I am NOT. As you live by the rule of you will do what you want, believe what you want and not care how I feel or how much I do, then I am implementing the same rule for myself. From now on, your child is YOUR responsibility and mine is mine."

I would then refuse to discuss the subject further because he will want to in order to manipulate and scare you into submitting to the same old cycle. Force this man to step up, by stepping off. Be clinical about it and calm because your sd needs her father to become a *real* father, and you need to regain the old you.

Jleeannexox's picture

Thanks everyone for the input. I really want to like her. I have tried to get her to like me but yet she continues to say she 'don't like me'. It's not her fault, I'm pretty sure her terrible bm is the whole reason she's a demon child. I guess I've tried my hardest and I have just got to give up. I really wanted to be able to have a good relationship with her. I'm not a terrible person I even told my husband we should try and adopt her then maybe we could get her life straight but her mom would never let that happen. She's happy collecting child support & using it to support her drug habit. Most of you are 100 percent right I just need to stay with my mom when she's comes in for the weekends. Today I walked in on my sd strangling our kitten half to death, it was just about half dead when I just happened to go check on her & witness that atrocity. She's troubled, but I wouldn't dare tell that to the bm & my husband doesn't want to stand up to her.

emotionaly beat up's picture

And you have the option of saying no. Given your feelings for this child, that might be best for her. You at this time are not up to keeping her for a week and her father clearly isn't going to so much as bathe her or read her a bedtime story. So, just tell the truth, sorry, but your not feeling up to it. You don't owe anymore of an explanation than that. Now, if dh wants to take a weeks holiday from work and do it himself, we'll that's different. But seriously, you shouldn't for the child's sake attempt to do this.

meghuneyntyson's picture

I have actually no advice here. I read your post and am just floored. If I could come hug you through the computer, I would. I hope you keep us all updated on how things go if you decide to disengage.

Disillusioned's picture

Please insure she is checked for diabetes as the thirsty/hungry/peeing thing is definitely concerning

Regarding everything else, I would disengage....this child has huge problems

Not sure I would want to be with her father either, if he parents his child like that, not something I would consider binge around, or as a SF to my own child

Sorry, wish you best of luck with this Sad