Name Calling/Slander?
BM txted and asked if SD could drop off something for DB... I told him I was sick of this she finds some reason to txt every few days for some kind of contact. For the last 1.5yrs she has never given either families a chance to have the stability of figuring out their roles in their own home. She is dead set that her daughter is find with the separation. I would like to know how could SD appear upset if her mother has yet to let her realize the reality of constant schedule in which she has dad time vs mom time. SD does not ever ask if she can do things for her mother during our time she knows that the next time she will see her mom is during her moms time. I don't feel it is healthy for SD to come to our home during BM's time neither do we allow SD to go to BM's home during our time. It seems to me as though this child can use stability in knowing a schedule and not mixing the two...
Anyways upon me speaking with DB about this I let him know I don't mind if he saves the fight for after court in a month. However, I am not comfortable with visits every few days and excuses to contact DB every few days. I voiced that he could do as he pleased but this was how I felt. DB sends her an email and states. "I would appreciate if you keep your time with the kids to your time and I keep my time with the kids to my time." BM looses it then goes a step further saying it is my fault and she wants to hear his opinion not mine. She thinks I am "sooooo phoney" and immature. She also goes on to complain how one day I am acting friendly and glaring... the last day I saw her she had decided to go camping with my DB family on his bday. DB also had to spend money on fuel to go pick up the kids he was told he would have access to on his bday a long time ago. This schedule was made with lawyers present and agreed upon.
I feel that I have a right to confront this woman on her name calling of myself. I also am starting to wonder who she is saying such things to. I am beginning to be worried that she is name calling to his family and other people in the small town I live in.... Has anyone has experience with slander and small towns? Is there anything I can do about this legally? His family seems to side with her more and more and see me negatively.
DB and I have spoken about it and he agrees that on the next communication day of him dropping off the kids we will address this. They communicate through email because of the messiness and her inability to stay calm. In your experience do you think I have a right to call her on the name calling and tell her why it is that I came across as mad? This by the way is something she has done every couple of months for the length of our relationship and phoney is one of her nicer terms. It is not a new thing and I am starting to wonder who all is hearing it and frankly I am sick of not standing up for myself.
a little note the year and a
a little note the year and a half is the time I have been involved and BM had still not come to terms with the separation when I came into the picture.
Did you call her on it? I
Did you call her on it? I want her to know I wont greet her like a friend when she pulls stuff like that. This woman and I have very hard to have civil communication and we still do have disagreements things where getting better for the last three months. I guess this is why I feel I want to call her on it and explain my actions. Let her know that unlike everyone else in this family I WONT greet her as a friend when she pulls bs against DB... Obviously I wont put it this way but I still have yet to figure out if I should just leave it. Our communication was going well especially since SD has been having issues. Also she all the sudden turned to saying "she should not be parenting". This woman has asked me to parent in the home from a month in... Now that she does not like the answer from DB she wants to tell me I can parent in the home but not give my input on such matters... I THINK NOT!
What will confronting her
What will confronting her solve? Do you think that it will make anything better?
Let your boyfriend handle things with her and their kids, you don't need any part of it, and you don't need to know what she emails.
The only thing it will solve
The only thing it will solve is the fact that we have been communicating and in turn it has been making things easier on her daughter... Surprisingly BM and I where doing well in keeping communication open and keeping a consistent home life and parenting in both homes. We have had disagreements in the past and I have simply stated her being rude is not appropriate. It ends there most time and she replies and justifies it but drops the attitude. I read the emails so we all maintain an equal parenting front especially with SD not doing well emotionally. There has been times where I have told her about certain things that SD says to me but will not show DB in the trade off emails. We do it not because we like to or want to but for the sake of the kids. That being said I would hate to just walk from that just because of some name calling. Frankly, where we where I don't find it appropriate and I would like to nip it in the bud. I guess I have a different relationship then most with this woman though. She still acts very badly and does very questionable things but I try to put aside those frustrations so we can make the kids lives better.
Thank you good advice I must
Thank you good advice I must admit being the bigger person gets so old!
" DB and I have spoken about
" DB and I have spoken about it and he agrees that on the next communication day of him dropping off the kids we will address this. They communicate through email because of the messiness and her inability to stay calm."
Somebody who has the inability 'to stay calm' would not be someone I'd "address" this issue with on the next child exchange. For one, not a topis to discuss in front of child, for two, it'll set off one h*ll of a 'cat fight'...no matter how much of a 'right' you feel you have to confront her and defend yourself.
So BM thinks you're phoney and immature. Why worry about it? I'm sure you think a lot worse than that about BM, you just have been more civil and polite than to voice your opinion in emails. Echo is right, Ignore, ignore, ignore. No good will come from having a show down over it.
I live in a small town myself. I'm well aware of how people gossip and whisper. Pfft, at times it seems like all those small town people know more 'secrets' about yourself than you know yourself. LOL. Reality is, even if BM is not saying one word about you to a soul in town, people's tongues are wagging anyway. If not about you, then somebody else. As said above by another, the people who know you and are truly your friends and that matter, know the truth.
It's not your 'job' to co-parent with BM. Co-parent with your DH in your home. It's his 'job' to co-parent and/or deal with BM. Just keep being civil when you have to see her at exchanges. Keep the exchanges brief. Anything that needs discussing between the actual parents can be talked about via phone/emails between the two parents at a later time. Again, it's just best that way. Issues shouldn't be discussed at exchanges in front of the child. The child should not be privy to all the adult stuff.
Sigh... ok ill keep my nose
Sigh... ok ill keep my nose out of this. Just wish this woman could get past your rage outs so we could have normal communication for the kids! It was going well both I and DB would write a bit on trade off emails and shit just hit the fan... I don't understand what is going on in this womans head!