Importance of alone time??
Hey, so I've posted several times before and have always found the support and advice to be invaluable but here's the new dilemma....
Ok so I moved into a new house with my so a couple of months ago. I'm 28 and he's 29. The house were in is in a lovely little town but its an hour from work and friends. My so has a 9 year old girl lovely girl and we get on ok but I have such resentment about having to sit in every weekend watching children's movies and hate that we never get any alone time. It really annoys me that bm has more alone time with her husband than what I have yet I never wanted to have children for another few years. I love that my so is a good father but really find it hard that we don't have that special alone time. We leave the house early every morning and get home late so the week is not the same with work stresses etc. I told my so that Friday nights were very important to me as our date night where we can watch grown up things have a drink etc. but I was met with lots of attitude and how our alone night is no different to when skid is here. How important do you think it is to have alone time with your so? Feeling like this could be the deal breaker.
I had a guy tell me that this
I had a guy tell me that this is how it is, and he had this whole plan about how our dating relationship would proceed. He was very confident that he could decide the terms of our relationship since he was the one with the kids. He didn't want a relationship, he wanted a replacement wife that was better than BM. Ultimately I left and wouldn't come back, and found someone better, someone who has older kids who are either grown and out of the house or who can be left alone in the evening and someone who actually likes spending alone time with me.
You are in a great place right now where you still have options. You're not married and you have yet to have a kid to tie you to this man, and you are still young. He will not change, but you can change and stand up for yourself, you have options and he doesn't seem to realize that. There are men out there who actually do like adult companionship and who don't hide behind their kids to avoid having to behave like an adult in an adult relationship. And they are also able to be good parents who can find that balance.
Unfortunately, there are men out there, and women too, I'm sure, who don't really want to date, but they want someone to come home to and to help with the kids, because being a full time single parent is a whole lot of work. That's fine as long as both people in the relationship are in agreement on those terms. But it doesn't seem like that's what you're looking for. I'm not sure why some single dads out there think they are excused from any type of courtship or dating life, excused from having to work at a relationship just because they have kids. But some of them really believe that.
"Unfortunately, there are men
"Unfortunately, there are men out there, and women too, I'm sure, who don't really want to date, but they want someone to come home to and to help with the kids, because being a full time single parent is a whole lot of work." onefootout
So very, very true. I wanted children very much but I aged out long before I met DH. I made my peace with not being a mother. I sure as hell don't want to parent someone else's spawn. No way I would be raising a grandchild or stepchild.
But it can take some work and self examination to realize what you can and cannot live with. Nothing is ever perfect. Only you can determine what you can tolerate.
Your request for one Friday
Your request for one Friday night alone with him was very reasonable and doesn't take away from his whole weekend with her-- EVERY weekend. The fact that he met that simple request with attitude and disregard of your feelings tells me he is not going to make any plans to change it. That is your Queue of where you stand in this relationship when it comes to his priorities and balance. Either accept it or leave because you can't change it.
:/
Thanks for the input ladies!
Thanks for the input ladies! Yes he doesn't seem to realize that this is not what I want to be doing every single weekend. I really feel I've aged before my time if I'm honest. While my friends are out having fun I'm sat on the couch watching Indiana jones!! I guess there's lots of small factors that make me angrier... Like bm telling skid now that its the summer vacation you're going to be with dad a lot more and I feel he bends over backwards to accommodate them even when he knows this does not make me happy. Also skid having some serious behavior issues at bm house which is easy to see why. Skid is either at grandmothers 3 nights a week where constantly spoiled and then goes to Disney dads at the weekend where she's spoiled rotten. Constantly picking what we so for weekends and making demands such as 'I want to go to the swimming pool tomorrow' and is just brought like that. I feel very resentful especially because he has another child from bm 2 he doesn't see but dread having two women's children to deal with. Eugh! It's so hard to be a woman sometimes am I right!!!