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marriage counselor agrees with dh

bronx mom's picture

Marriage counselor just concurred with my dh that it's totally normal for a 21yo to expect all his expenses covered, housing provided, and dinner cooked for him... even to get his own apartment in Brooklyn which his parents really can't afford.

"Please aren't really grown up until they're 35."

Oh well. Good thing I am disengaging.

EvilWickedSM's picture

Wow, I had no idea! I guess I should have known due to the economy. I guess my thoughts on this are that we should at least give our the children the opportunity to be self-sufficient. But, I'm old school.

I do know my BIL recently moved back in with his parents due to a job loss....but he didn't even give himself time to find another job or see what he could do. I'm not kidding, two days later he was at MIL & FIL's doorstep with wife and SD3. I was astounded that he wouldn't even try!

RedWingsFan's picture

This is why DH and I plan to always have a tiny apartment - "Sorry, no room for you here!"

devilskid's picture

I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

" BEHIND EVERY BITCH IS A WOMAN WHO GOT TIRED OF BEING BROKEN "

If I ran for President....this definitely would be my campaign logo !!!!! I love it !!!! hahahahaha

oldone's picture

Wanna bet that the counselor is living with his/her parents?

What kind of qualifications does this MC have? Just about anybody can call themselves a counselor.

It may be the new normal for a 21 year old to EXPECT all of that - but what is NOT NORMAL is for stupid parents to provide it. Especially when they cannot afford it.

bronx mom's picture

sigh... and I wanted to like the guy, too. I was beginning to feel that maybe I was just a bitch after all.

bronx mom's picture

Ha, this boy wants to be a film director, and when we offered him a lead on a PA position he said he would never work as a PA.

bronx mom's picture

Well said. A parent's job at this point is to be fostering a sense of responsibility. My DH is not doing his job, and the mom is not doing her job. We just have to find a way to not care, or at the same time to protect ourselves from the eventual consequences of these poor decisions.

sandye21's picture

Sounds like it's time to separate the finances if you are working. Let DH and SM pay for SS's life style.

ltman's picture

Yeah, not willing to put in the time to do the dirty work. Fame hog needs a new place to live. Counselor is correct, many do Expect to be handed everything, but to make them grow they need some growing pains like a job, rent and learning how to embellish ramen noodles.

oldone's picture

There are places in the US where a murder takes place several times a week. Does that make it normal? Statistically probable but NOT NORMAL.

sandye21's picture

Ya, you need a new counselor. This may be the new 'normal' but 'normal' people STILL call it "MOOCHING". Ask this counselor if they think it is 'normal' for the SS to support DH and SM in their old age.

Donnadreams's picture

}:) Oh, I'll bet they do concur. It's not unusual for a person of that age to still expect to be taken care of still but here's the great thing: YOU DON'T HAVE TO! He/she would either help, get a job, etc. or bye bye. You do not have to help them feel more entitled.